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New partner and exes ridiculous demands.

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Daneman14

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Hi, I was hoping not to have to look to all you guys for help again but here I am lol. My story is, I have two young children with my ex who last year suddenly stopped contact over very petty things, it was a struggle and a fight, I had a great cafcass report, slipping through the cracks at court, but knowing I am a loving and caring father I kept going until about two weeks before the first court hearing I got a call from the ex saying she doesn't want to go to court and that I can start seeing my kids again, showing the petty concerns were either made up or over exaggerated, we had a consent order drawn up and I got my time back with my kids.

Then about a month ago I meet an amazing woman, its all going great so then I decide to tell my ex that I've started seeing someone. She goes into her usual aggressive behaviour and says it's going to be a long time before she meets the kids if she even lets her meet the kids. When we separated we agreed that we would do the courteous thing and let the other meet our partner before they met our children. The ex has already had a short relationship that I was offered the chance to meet them before but I said that I trust the judgement of my ex to only ever let someone good for them and the children into their lives, that relationship ended with the police being called and having their partner removed from the exes house with our children inside, so maybe the exes judgement isn't the best.

Anyway the ex found my partner of Facebook and message without my knowledge to set up a meeting, my partner went along with it and met her yesterday, the ex showed up with a friend, spent almost 2hrs questioning what are her intentions with her children and if she intends on replacing her as a mother, plus alot of the time saying how horrible of a person and dad I am. She then goes on to say that it will only be when or even if she thinks my partner would be suitable to be around her kids, which will take several of these meet ups and wouldn't be this year if ever. My partner thought she came across well to my ex, my ex called me after and said she didn't like her and didn't think she's right for our boys, but will keep meeting her and see if that changes. Is this not ridiculous behaviour??? She then told me to promise to not go behind her back and introduce her to the kids, I was upset cause of the things she was saying about my partner and said do you trust me and trust me with our children which she said she did...... but during the meet up earlier she told my partner she didn't trust me, she's always been an compulsive lier. It escalated to her saying she will not let me see my kids again until I agree not to introduce my partner to them or she will take me to court again. I'm finding it hard to see what we're actually doing wrong, we gave her the courtesy of meeting before, I don't think there's anything legally inplace that says the ex can dictate who and how someone can be introduced to my kids. If anyone can help with experience or legal knowledge as I really just think this is some controlling, blackmailing, narcissistic stuff.
 
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Hi Daneman, good to see you back on here.

DO NOT meet your ex or suggest your partner meets her again.
The ex is fishing for info.
Of course she doesn't like your new partner. She could be a Saint and the ex would find fault.

Not sure if you remember from other posts, but I'm the partner of a dad with nutjob ex.
Let her apply to court. There's nothing stopping you having a new partner. Courts see this all the time.
 
Hi and welcome back. Congrats on the new relationship.

I agree with Peanut. Do not have your partner engage in any further 'interviews' by your ex (F'ing ridiculous!). Also, avoid any negotiations with your ex about your new partner.

Tell us about the consent order. How often are the kids with you? I seem to remember that one of your kids has a diagnosis. Is that right? If it is, would your ex use that as a reason that you should be extra careful about this stuff?

If your ex has a live with order and if time with you is relatively limited. I would think about taking a pragmatic approach. It is a pity your ex has already met your new partner. She could have been introduced to the kids as a friend otherwise. You are entitled to have the people you choose around your children during their time with you. But, your ex has the ability to put you through hell if she chooses. I remember how horrible it was for you last time.

What about holding off for a few months? You could then inform your ex you are in a stable relationship and will be introducing your new partner to the children. Look up guidance from Cafcass and other appropriate bodies so that you propose the bona fide way of managing the process of kids getting to know her.

Your ex will probably do exactly the same s**t she will do now. But by then you can have: the C100 ready, taken all appropriate steps, confirmed it is a stable relationship...

I am not saying your ex has the right to do what she has done. She is plainly screwing you over and behaving like a maniac. My suggestion is more about playing your position and minimising the drama.

Just an idea, probably what I'd be thinking about to work around.
 
Agree with the others, and apart from anything else, you want to protect your partner. The slightest bit of info your ex gets from her, she could twist and turn into something nasty.

You and your partner have tried to do the decent thing and be reasonable but your ex is playing dirty. She is now getting at your partner pscyhologically, by telling you she doesn't like her - knowing you will probably tell your partner that. If you haven't already, it might be better not to pass that information on and just say - she still won't accept it even after meeting you and it's probably her own insecurities.

So she tried to put your partner off you and then tried to get to your partner through you by saying she doesn't like her - all tactics to bust you two up - been there, got the t shirt.

Your ex just doesn't like the idea of a stepmum being involved with "her" kids. Jealousy, competitiveness, whatever - some ex's are just like that (it's quite common). Sometimes it's their own insecurity - fearing another woman may steal the kids from her or the kids might love your partner more than her. But it's a female thing about other women. IMO.

If she is now stopping you seeing the kids unless you agree not to introduce your partner (is that the situation now or has she stopped you seeing the kids full stop?) then I'd suggest you agree for now, keep records, then say to her in 3 months time you want to introduce your partner to the kids. If she says no then you just do it anyway. If she breaches the order you apply to enforce and should get a hearing quite quickly.

It's hard but it's the only way to stop her dictating. You can't go on indefinitely not introducing your partner.
 
Thank you all for your replies, it's just a whole bunch of controlling nonsense. My partner and I have agreed that we will give it two months before we introduce her to the children, which was going to be the plan anyways, the ex keeps saying that she can't believe I'd introduce someone I've known for 5 minutes to a child with special needs, that was not our plan, we weren't going to do anything for a little while anyway but because we are not following the exes ridiculous demands we are in the wrong, even though she has already introduced the kids to someone who was definitely a danger to the children, but as always no rules for her and all the rules for me.

The thing I'm afraid of her doing is making up lies again to get another prohibited steps order again to stop things happening the way she doesn't want. Does she have any legal ground to stand for doing anything like this?

I am due to have my kids for my weekend this Friday but she is threatening that unless I agree to not introduce my partner I won't be having them, it just seems ridiculous and definitely a threat.
 
I would just send a brief message saying “I agree that my partner won’t be present at the week end” and get your kids there - for now.

This will carry on though. But at least you can time it.

Maybe you should put the specific issues application in? Of course she’d probably stop you seeing the kids when she heard about the application but the good thing about specific issues is it can be an urgent application.

So you could have two strategies.

1) Apply for specific issues to determine whether or not your partner can be involved (not necessary but gets it sorted.). And say you expect she will stop the children coming when she fears about the application therefore you’re requesting an urgent hearing within 1 week.

2) carry on as now for a couple of months then start introducing your partner. Ex will stop the kids coming, then you apply for specific issues.

Does your consent order say anything about introducing new partners? Assume not. As mentioned above, it might help to know what’s in it. Is it lives with Mum spends time with you? And are the dates and times defined - eg Friday 3pm to Sunday 6pm on alternate weeks etc? If it’s defined then you could just introduce your partner, then when ex stops kids coming you enforce the order.

However if the times and dates aren’t defined it might be harder to enforce. Eg if it just says - lives with Mum sir SS time with Dad as agreed between the parties.
 
Well just received the email today saying that she is not giving me contact this weekend thus breaking the consent order. All this just cause she's jealous that I have a new partner, she says in the email she knows she's breaking the consent order but says so have I, that's news to me, I've only done what that says plus what we have both agreed as additional contact. What's crazy is that she did the same thing, introducing her partner, now ex, to the kids of whom has a police record and also had to be removed by the police from her house with the children present. This all seem so crazy again and a recurring nightmare. What are my options now, how do I proceed with her breaching the consent order?
 
Daneman14 said:
Well just received the email today saying that she is not giving me contact this weekend thus breaking the consent order. All this just cause she's jealous that I have a new partner, she says in the email she knows she's breaking the consent order but says so have I, that's news to me, I've only done what that says plus what we have both agreed as additional contact. What's crazy is that she did the same thing, introducing her partner, now ex, to the kids of whom has a police record and also had to be removed by the police from her house with the children present. This all seem so crazy again and a recurring nightmare. What are my options now, how do I proceed with her breaching the consent order?
Click to expand...
Oh and I did email her in writing as she asked to agree that my partner would not meet my children this weekend just as she requested, she then says in her email that she cannot take my word at that.
 
Daneman14 said:
Oh and I did email her in writing as she asked to agree that my partner would not meet my children this weekend just as she requested, she then says in her email that she cannot take my word at that.
Click to expand...
Plus I never even mentioned to my ex that I would be introducing my partner to the children anytime soon cause it wasn't even in our plans to do it.
 
I'd personally apply for a c79.
She's actually written to you saying she refuses after you've done nothing wrong. That's your evidence to show she's breached.
It seems so many of these exes are going full on nuts at the moment. It's probably the build up to Christmas causing it.
 
Agree, apply to enforce the order - you'll get a hearing before Christmas. And yes some women get very stressy about Christmas coming up (IME!).

Presumably, her saying you've breached the order, is because she thinks you've introduced your new partner. Is there anything in the order that says new partners won't be introduced without agreement?#

Yes it's always one rule for them and one for you!
 
Thank you, I started to fill out a C79 if you can have a look at it before I submit it, also how do you go about submitting, is it just emailing the court and attaching the form and my consent order?

No nothing is in the consent order about new partners, it is all basically about when and how much time I get with my kids, I can pm it to you Ash if you want to read it?
 
I believe it's as simple as providing the case number and just stating:
"As per the current order I was due to collect my children on X date. The childrens mother sent the attached email stating that she is aware she is breaching the order but she is preventing me from collecting the children as she doesn't want me to introduce them to my new partner.
I have confirmed in writing, please see attached, that I will not introduce the children to my new partner in order to placate the childrens mother. "

Then attach copies of the emails.
You will have to pay a fee.
I think you can email it. Maybe ring the court to confirm.
 
And you can't submit it until after she actually breaches the order. Start with a list of the breaches,
 
Hi guys, I have submitted the C79 form and the court has received it, just waiting for them to process it and hopefully get a court date soon. I haven't heard anything from the ex or her solicitor and cause she said all contact is to be through her solicitor I haven't been able to even talk to my boys. I'm due to have my boys again on the 17th but of course unless court tell the ex she won't let me have them, is that considered another breach and will it get more severe each time or is this just considered the one breach. Do I need to submit another form if she breaches the next time or does it just pin onto the current submission I've done? I don't know if any of that makes sense, all this is just a pile of crap that I shouldn't be going through.
 
Any further breaches can be mentioned in the enforcement hearing. Note them down and if you need to put in a position statement you can list them on that.
You may hear from her solicitor this coming week.
And agreed, you shouldn't be going through this.
 
Hi Daneman,

You do not have to file another C79. Continuation of the breach can be detailed in a position statement you bring to the hearing.

I assume you have done some form of pre action message to your ex before applying for enforcement. It is probably worth keeping in correspondence with her solicitor if you cannot contact your ex directly. Let them know you expect to see kids as per order.
 
I haven't done the pre action message, I can type it up and send it today, what does it need to say? Just that she has breached the consent order and that I will be applying to Court?
 
A "letter before action" is just to give them a chance to start following the order again. So it would be something like

"Dear xxxxxxx

I am writing to request you comply with your obligations under the court order of x date. It is your responsibility to ensure the children spend time with me as per the court order, and failing to do so would be contempt of court. Please confirm the children will be available for collection on 17th November at xpm, as per the court order".

Don't mention that you've already submitted a C79. I don't think it actually matters, in this case, if you just submit the C79 because she isn't just breaching the order, she has stated she is witholding the kids hasn't she? So maybe don't even bother with a letter before action. You could try it though and see what happens. If it does get sorted out you can always withdraw the application. But it does sound like it;'s going to need sortiong out at court.
 
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