Worried for my partner as he fights his ex

[TopHat]

Hi there,
I know this is a forum for dads and mums are not really ones that should be here but really don’t know where to turn now. I am not even a mum at the moment however this case is seriously affecting my chances to be in mental/physical capacity due to stress but also in legal terms of being able to bring kids up with my partner(due to nature of allegations and uncertainty of the outcome if I get pregnant now social services will be involved in my child-who knew!).
The story is long and not mine to explain from start but I’ll explain the time I am involved since.
3 years ago I met divorced dad of 2. We were seeing eachother for about 1year before I got introduced to children. Didn’t get love from the start but slowly the relationship grew and we all started grew as patched up family.
To make situation a bit more clear my partners job required him to be away for long periods of time in first year. In 2nd year he decided he’s ready for a change and started looking for office job 9-5 to be around his kids more. This progresses and contact is granted by EX as she’s not aware the situation might be permanent. Middle of year 2 my partner finds permanent position and asks EX to establish 12months contact plan. This is where steps start. Multiple email exchanges about contact and no solution. During this time contact is still granted but kids start to throw accusations at dad, start calling him “other dad” explaining that EX current partner is the actual dad.
After one of the stays and on a day of MIAM EX informs mediators that school has called MASH about one of the boys and social services are involved.
She stops answearing calls and communicating. My partner learns after a week that he’s accused of SEXUALY ASSAULTING child 1. Children apparently still happy to spend time with Dad.
We are now 12months later. Had full police disclosure for Family Court. No arrest has been made. Voluntary interview given 6months ago. Investigation closed 5months ago. Case in review for 3months at Police. Case now at CPS review since 2months. Family court orders FF in 6 weeks. Children apparently “not willing to chat to grandparents anymore”. Child 2 comes up with apparent accusations of the same nature…
Honestly what do we do? How do you fight this? I could throw loads of examples of EX wrongdoing but how do you fight such seriousness? Especially in FC as this is only needing 51% convincing something actually happened. HELP!

 

[Ash]

Hi. I'll reply later or tomorrow as it's a bit late. You say there's a fact finding hearing in 6 weeks? Does he have representation?

 

[Resolute]

You are not the first mother to use the Forum, all sexes and genders are welcome. Several of the XX variety are on here regularly and contribute loads.

 

[TopHat]

Hi. I'll reply later or tomorrow as it's a bit late. You say there's a fact finding hearing in 6 weeks? Does he have representation?

No, he’s representing himself as it’s him that actually brought this to FC initially as extended contact

 

[Resolute]

I am going to leave Ash answer this. He knows loads more about FF hearings than I do.

Is the court in England and Wales, or Scotland?

What ages are the children?

If you do not want to say exactly, here are some helpful ranges:

0-2nd Bday
2-5th Bday
5-8th Bday
8-11th Bday
11-14
15 or over

 

[MagicJ]

Welcome to the forum @TopHat , it's a supportive community and you'll hopefully find good advice and plenty of support for the terrible situation your family finds itself.

The reality is that the court process is difficult for those truly just focused on protecting the lives of the children at the centre of it all.

Whilst people catch up with your post there are quite a few threads on the forum, talking though what's involved in a Fact Find, where members have shared what's worked and what's been challenging.

 

[TopHat]

I am going to leave Ash answer this. He knows loads more about FF hearings than I do.

Is the court in England and Wales, or Scotland?

What ages are the children?

If you do not want to say exactly, here are some helpful ranges:

0-2nd Bday
2-5th Bday
5-8th Bday
8-11th Bday
11-14
15 or over

Thank you! At the time of this starting kids were 6 and 7 now they are respectively 1year older. Court is in England

 

[TopHat]

Welcome to the forum @TopHat , it's a supportive community and you'll hopefully find good advice and plenty of support for the terrible situation your family finds itself.

The reality is that the court process is difficult for those truly just focused on protecting the lives of the children at the centre of it all.

Whilst people catch up with your post there are quite a few threads on the forum, talking though what's involved in a Fact Find, where members have shared what's worked and what's been challenging.

Thank you, I am going through the posts and threads. It’s overwhelming to hear how many dads are affected absolutely awful some of those.

 

[DB2021]

Thank you, I am going through the posts and threads. It’s overwhelming to hear how many dads are affected absolutely awful some of those.

Welcome TopHat

I’m so sorry to hear your partners story sadly it’s not uncommon and one of the worst things anyone can be put through.

As others have said there’s so many amazing people on here who can offer advice and support to you including some amazing female partners @Peanut 21 being the main one.

It’s going to be a long fight for him but one he can overcome make sure he knows that.

He will have bad moments and moments where he thinks he can’t continue but he can it’s all about playing the long game. Yes it shouldn’t be that way but sadly certain women will happily cause utter carnage for fathers and do it without a care in the world.

Stay strong both of you and always come here wherever she feel you need advice or before you send anything to his ex as it’s best to make sure everything is brief and formal so ex has no more ammunition to throw at him. I’ve learnt that the hard way many times.

 

[mainstay92]

Welcome TopHat

I’m so sorry to hear your partners story sadly it’s not uncommon and one of the worst things anyone can be put through.

As others have said there’s so many amazing people on here who can offer advice and support to you including some amazing female partners @Peanut 21 being the main one.

It’s going to be a long fight for him but one he can overcome make sure he knows that.

He will have bad moments and moments where he thinks he can’t continue but he can it’s all about playing the long game. Yes it shouldn’t be that way but sadly certain women will happily cause utter carnage for fathers and do it without a care in the world.

Stay strong both of you and always come here wherever she feel you need advice or before you send anything to his ex as it’s best to make sure everything is brief and formal so ex has no more ammunition to throw at him. I’ve learnt that the hard way many times.

No, he’s representing himself as it’s him that actually brought this to FC initially as extended contact

Id advise if he can afford to get a barrister especially for the fact find as he will be questioned.. Has he made any alligations against his ex? Does he feel it is her manipulating the kids to say this? Its quite common for women to do this. The worse possible thing they can do. Stay strong and be there for your partner

 

[Ash]

If there's a fact finding hearing it would be advisable, if at all possible, to have a direct access barrister represent him. If he loses a fact find, he loses his kids and it's quite a "legal" process - unlike FHDRA's which are more about trying to broker agreement. With a good barrister, if the allegations are shown to be false, there is even a chance that the kids could be ordered to live with him - with such serious allegations.

 

[Ash]

Posted at the same time as Mainstay

 

[Ash]

What is the basis of the fact find? Is it just his ex's allegations, or has he made some as well?

 

[mainstay92]

Legal aid: apply for exceptional case funding

Overview, how to apply, where to send paperwork and how long the exceptional case funding (ECF) process takes.

www.gov.uk

There is Legal aid in exceptional circumstances and if u earn under a threshold too.. Have a look at the website, he may qualify. This is a previous case where a Father got it.

 

[Ash]

He could also apply to We are Advocate for a pro bono barrister (ie free) but they do look into your financial situation and wouldn't accept it if he has any savings or a decent income probably.

 

[Ash]

You need to apply at least three weeks before the hearing

Advocate: Finding free legal help from barristers

Advocate: Finding free legal help from barristers

weareadvocate.org.uk

 

[Ash]

The answer to your original question is - you don't exactly fight it - you give the ex enough rope that she hangs herself, so to speak. He keeps presenting as a child focused Dad and presents his evidence against the allegations and denies them and she has to prove them. However there is an element of who the Judge believes also, and this is where a barrister can really help because you do need a good statement for the hearing and also to maybe cross examine the ex. A barrister, with careful cross examination, can prove she is lying and also make submissions to the Judge on his behalf and quote case law etc. I've read of cases where a barrister has not only won the fact finding but achieved a transfer of residence due to the extreme nature of the false allegations.

Is it a one day fact finding hearing, or longer?

 

[TopHat]

The answer to your original question is - you don't exactly fight it - you give the ex enough rope that she hangs herself, so to speak. He keeps presenting as a child focused Dad and presents his evidence against the allegations and denies them and she has to prove them. However there is an element of who the Judge believes also, and this is where a barrister can really help because you do need a good statement for the hearing and also to maybe cross examine the ex. A barrister, with careful cross examination, can prove she is lying and also make submissions to the Judge on his behalf and quote case law etc. I've read of cases where a barrister has not only won the fact finding but achieved a transfer of residence due to the extreme nature of the false allegations.

Is it a one day fact finding hearing, or longer?

Hi Ash, thank you for all your input:

1. yes, he has put allegations agains her. He originally went in for just contact order as all contact was ad hoc - initially partially because his job and then because of what contact she viewed as "appropriate"(her words). For example when he asked for kids of 10 days she should say 7 as maximum or she would prefer 5 but then when she had plans 10was ok. there we sign of parental alienation before the MIAM but originally my partner was only focused about getting a civilised order. Since then this happened so he has added false allegations and parental alienation
2. FF is set for 2 days at the moment however not had the order through yet so not exactly sure when this will be (around 6 weeks)
3. I don't think he will be granted legal aid. he's on what seems decent wage but after Mortage and CMS payments there is really not much left with. I have been helping out but I guess we need to re-consider this as the stakes are to high...

 

[mainstay92]

Hi Ash, thank you for all your input:

1. yes, he has put allegations agains her. He originally went in for just contact order as all contact was ad hoc - initially partially because his job and then because of what contact she viewed as "appropriate"(her words). For example when he asked for kids of 10 days she should say 7 as maximum or she would prefer 5 but then when she had plans 10was ok. there we sign of parental alienation before the MIAM but originally my partner was only focused about getting a civilised order. Since then this happened so he has added false allegations and parental alienation
2. FF is set for 2 days at the moment however not had the order through yet so not exactly sure when this will be (around 6 weeks)
3. I don't think he will be granted legal aid. he's on what seems decent wage but after Mortage and CMS payments there is really not much left with. I have been helping out but I guess we need to re-consider this as the stakes are to high...

2 days for a good Barrister your talking 8 to 10k.. There are cheaper ones tho too. They will also prepare a statement. Tell your partner to gather all evidence from texts, mails etc over the years. Until the police investigation is fully closed, they probably won't allow access. The mother will probs go to police now with 2nd child and it will prolong the whole case.. Its rediculious how these women get away with it

 

[TopHat]

A mildly comforting update. After 12months police has closed the investigation with NFA. The “evidence” has not met the the level to be passed to CPS for consideration even in the end. The fact finding is in May.
In theory there is nothing to stop him seeing the children as police said the safeguarding agreement on him not making contact is no longer applicable. However we don’t think she will in any way or form allow him to see/ talk to children until the decision from family court so he’s staying away for the next few weeks….
Of course nothing is stopping her to make another allegation after the FF or just simply refusing to pass the children causing another court application - but that’s another story.
Do you think it’s right for him not to attempt to make the contact before FF? Has anyone had similar accusations, won the FF and been allowed contact by court? How was the initial contact established? Did court allow full contact straight away or was it through contact centre first? Children has not seen or spoken to him for a year now and apparently refusing to speak to their paternal grandmother now…