Guest viewing is limited

It begins

C

capa

Experienced member
Member
Morning, i am finally in a position to begin correspondence, via a solicitor to establish a financial agreement with ex.

As it stands i have been paying all household bills since February this year without any offer from the ex, would i be within my rights in the first letter to my ex via solicitor to state from a certain date i will stop paying those bills, this will not include the mortgage as my son lives with the ex and to state again the house is in my name its not jointly owned. the reason is that im paying for utilities, broadband, tv without getting any use of and thus handicapping me from moving forward with finding a place of my own.
 
Nothing formalised as yet, circumstances over last few months prevented that however there is contact and he does want to see me however I’m trying not to think there’s manipulation although there has been two broken promises on seeing me, as I deal with him direct
 
You're in a very delicate position in my opinion.

Seems to be she's probably very happy pulling all the strings and reeping all the benefits.

The moment you start trying to claw back some of that control, she might well start breaking a few more of these promise.

My advice would be to formalise children arrangements before focussing on financial ones.
 
nothernsoul said:
You're in a very delicate position in my opinion.

Seems to be she's probably very happy pulling all the strings and reeping all the benefits.

The moment you start trying to claw back some of that control, she might well start breaking a few more of these promise.

My advice would be to formalise children arrangements before focussing on financial ones.
Click to expand...
I think that has been mentioned before and not sure why you haven't applied for a child arrangements order. The longer it's left, the more it will look like you're not interested in a relationship with your son.
 
Me and my ex had real bad argument and as a result she put a restraining order on me, therefore I can’t ask my son directly to ask his mom about seeing him.

So as a result I’m not sure what if anything has been told about it to my son, only thing I’m thinking now is approaching social services regarding the situation as I know the ex will say I can’t force him to see him
 
Ok so you can't speak to your ex directly and you can't expect your son to be a go between anyway. I wouldn't go to social services if she put a restraining order on you. Does that mean there is a NMO in place that you can't contact her or go anywhere near her?
 
I can’t contact here directly or indirectly except through solicitor and cannot enter the road where the house I own is situated except for one agreed day and time to collect itemised possessions that belong to me
 
another update and i apologies if this turns into a diarised version of my journey but its my way of expressing and maybe somethings may help along the way for other members.

compiled an email for solicitor to commence the sending of the first letter seeking voluntary agreement to settle finances , without going to court and to also set out some requests ie the ex's signature so the joint account can be closed as soon as possible, of which the ex has sent it overdrawn and to organise access to my house to retrieve my possessions, all itemized and what options i have if non are there due to been thrown away , sold or damaged.

Have a telephone appointment tomorrow to discuss said email, i will update.....and so it begins for real
 
letter been drafted to see if arrangements for finances and childcare can be done amicably without the need for court. First question regarding childcare is does my son want to see me? to let the relationship build back up again.

For finances , voluntary disclosure has been asked/suggested, which i think will be a no, as the ex has stated before theres no way im disclosing my finances to anyone, so clearly hiding something.

The whole idea is to try and keep this away from court lets see how this turns out once letter has been sent and replied to.
 
capa said:
I can’t contact here directly or indirectly except through solicitor and cannot enter the road where the house I own is situated except for one agreed day and time to collect itemised possessions that belong to me
Click to expand...
Then the only way you can get any meaningful time with him is via a child arrangements order. It can still happen even with no communication with the ex by means of changeovers being to and from school directly and a clearly defined order which details all dates and times so there is no need for communication. In the holidays when there’s no school it can be ordered that your son is dropped off at s neutral location (eg a gym or class he goes to) and you will collect him from there. It sounds like he’s old enough for that.

Did you get a chance to defend the restraining order? Even if they find fir your ex (eg that there was some abuse) that doesn’t mean you’re not s safe patent to your son.
 
There was a suggestion to have my son meet me around the corner outside the supermarket where there is cctv, but yet waiting to see what response there is from the ex regarding whether he wants to see me.

Ive got a chance to tell my side to probation officer at next meeting, but there is definitely no chance of an appeal, see if i was such a bad parent etc why did the ex allow me to have my son when she was at work prior to the event happening.
 
Can you tell us what happened before the restraining order? It might help to suggest a solution.
 
prior to rerstraing order i was looking after my son evrytime ex was at work, unsociable shifts etc so about 2-4 days per week, i was also having him over on every other saturday night, although this only happened 3 times.
 
So what was the trigger for the restraining order? An argument? Usually these things are ex parte (ie no notice) non molestation orders - and then there’s a further hearing where you can either contest it or do an undertaking. It shouldn’t affect child arrangements if there are no allegations of harm to your son. It must have been a massive change for him suddenly not seeing you any more.
 
it was a stupid mistake on my part, extremely drunk to the point of blacking out and not remembering , letting myself into my house and falling asleep in the spare bedroom, im not proud im very embarrassed. i did receive texts via her mom via a family member stating the ex wants me to have contact but completely destroyed me with the impact statement in court where was stated son was traumatized but if was that bad he wouldn't be replying to texts
 
That sounds fairly mild! Assume you didn't trash the house while drunk or get in a fight with your ex or something? If not then she's just making a meal of it. I really think you need to apply for a Child Arrangements order. That is history now and you can explain it was a one off. She'd probably want you to have alcohol testing.
 
I never trashed the house, didn’t touch her, didn’t even see her, was only when police woke me up and regards to testing nothing to worry about there I’m not a drinker so she can test away if she so desires. Yea she has made a meal of it.

Currently as it stands a voluntary request via solicitor has been made and also a request for voluntary disclosure regarding finances although I’m awaiting the letter to approve before it being sent.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Ash
Ok so it was a one off incident (that could almost be laughable). And doesn't sound like anything that would traumatise your son. I think you should apply for a child arrangements order. How old is your son now? If he's in his teens they will take his wishes seriously. However if you think your ex might bully him into seeing he doesn't want to see you ..........
 
My son is 11 and sadly and unfortunately I do think there is an influence on her part for him not to see me, now bear in mind I was step dad to her two children and the same mantra was expressed even then , her attitude was/is ‘ it’s up to you if you want to see him , I will not force or say no ‘ and yes again, a voluntary request is with solicitor now so until that is sent I will have no idea if he wants to see me or not, yes I have communication with him via text but it’s sporadic, he can go days before he will reply even then it’s short lived with one word answers etc and no real questions for me
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top