Ex girlfriend pregnant and not sure how to proceed

[Pj66]

Hi, I currently find myself in a tricky situation after finding out my ex girlfriend is pregnant.

We were together 6 months and 2 weeks after she ended things she told me she was pregnant, all evidence suggests it's mine, but because of the breakup I wants to ask for paternity. Now I'd like some advice based on the likelihood it's 99% mine. I'm early 30s and she's mid 20s, first child for both. I recently bought my first home and we are only going to be down the road from each other.

We are currently not speaking due to a communication breakdown.
She is currently 14 weeks pregnant, initially she said it would be nice to do everything with me but her words and actions did not match, for example, I was invited to scans, then she went without me, she wanted 12 weeks of space at the beginning of pregnancy but we did meet up during that time once to talk about things over some food.

Now I'm in a situation where due to all the backtracking and changing her mind about wanting to meet up, leading me on saying maybe we will get back together etc, I started getting frustrated and it was making me uncomfortable. I first brought up a request for pre-natal paternity at week 10 which she pushed back at (as expected) but eventually agree to. She then told me she'd look for pre-natal paternity tests but I then felt pretty bad over this so I told her not to worry about it.(probably my first mistake backing down as it has now led to all this)

We then had another conversation to on about meeting up etc but I said in the conversation that I would still like paternity at birth as "a formality"

The issue of paternity is obviously upsetting her, I can see she feels her integrity is in question and she just could not drop it.
She then proceeded to text me the next day how she feels really uncomfortable sharing these moments like scans with someone who doesn't believe the kid is there's ) I do but I have to be absolutely certain) and that she wants her own space during the pregnancy now. She then started touting out saying she will be in contact closer to the time depending if i still want paternity or not otherwise she won't discuss anything until I've done that. She then proceeds to basically lay out how it's gong to be about the baby being with her most the time and talks of a rota etc ( which is weird because she just said she won't discuss anything until I've done the thing she has been so worked up about)

Now we are at 14 weeks and I feel so left out of everything, this would be my first child and as of now, I haven't attended a single doctors appointment or scan, I expressed I wanted to be involved during the pregnancy but I can't help but feel she only feels obligated to have me involved.

Now I'm really struggling to come to terms with things. I'm struggling to want to be involved at all and expect to co parent with someone who only feels obligated to offer the bare minimum.

The only thing is can see wrong is I requested paternity as a formality. I expect she has some sort of personality disorder after having time to reflect after the breakup. There are too many flags looking back that indicate this to be the case.

I currently feel excluded and feel like she is trying to play silly games with wierd social media behaviour to grab my intention. We had not spoken for over a month until today where I felt I should at least check in with her as it's the right thing to do. I just asked how she was and the baby, and she said "everything is well. Thank you " and that's about it.

I can't help but feel uncomfortable with the situation , even after her previously saying she wants me involved in all of it, I feel she is just throwing a tantrum and silent treatment over the paternity issue until I cave, the behaviour is very controlling and I just think I will be respected even less and caved saying I believed her just to hold the peace.

I am concerned for what the future will look like parenting with this woman due to the immature and really childish reactions that are completely out of proportion.

I do not know what to do to resolve this tension between us but I feel like the only thing I can do is request we revert to our previous agreement to do ore natal paternity. At the same time I fear this may piss her off or if I cave and say I believe her il just loose any respect and be in the exact same position. I want to express that I won't be receptive to paternity down the line as I don't see how we can prepare on the best interests of the baby.

I'm new to all this and concerned of what to expect. This isn't an ideal scenario and I want to express to her I'm willing to find a solution that's works for both of us in the best interests of the baby but I don't know how to go about this. She did initially bring up the topic of doing classes together and stuff like that as well as the scans but now she just isn't in my good books at all and I assume I'm not in hers.

I was thinking of messaging her but I'm not sure how I would go about this. The fact that that she said "il know more about how I feel at the time" indicates she thinks she has full control of my involvement , and not "what's best for the baby"

She is very controlling and ocd and I am concerned about what things will look like if we can't come to an agreement amicably. Right now I feel nothing is real and what to prepare of how to prepare for the child if I'm excluded.

The last real interaction over text we had was her expressing her discomfort over my request for paternity as a formality, i then said if it was correct she gave my details to the midwife etc and she said "you knew that already and I've been calling myself an idiot ever since" so she's clearly upset. That was over a month ago and we have been ghost ever since.


What can I do to rectify the situation as I do not feel my request was unreasonable considering the circumstances. Part of me wants to bail but the other part is telling I have an obligation, I'm just finding it hard to want to co-parent in the current circumstances.

Any advice and support would be greatly appreciated as a new member. My head is all over the place at the moment.


Thanks

 

[Ash]

Hi there. This is a very difficult situation with emotions and anxieties and uncertainty running high - and a hormonal pregnant woman!

There was another guy in a similar situation on here and I have also been in a similar situation. In my case my ex had a major emotional meltdown when I suggested a DNA test saying I was doubting her. Even though we were definitely no longer a couple. My friends all said - don't trust her - get a DNA test. When she didn't want to do that I had a dilemma. The dates were right - it was when we were dating. It didn't help that when she first told me, my first reaction was to tell her to get an abortion. But it was too late for that. By this time I had decided to just believe the child was mine and other friends told me to embrace being a Father.

Once I accepted I was going to be a Dad, things were a lot easier and I bent over backwards to help and support her - we went to ante natal classes together etc and went shopping for the baby together - as friends and co parents. I accepted the child was mine. About two years later I heard some information that made me question whether she had told me the truth and I went through emotional hell. The information was she had slept with someone else during a particular week when I had been away. I worked out the dates really carefully and worked out it wasn't possible that this other person was the Father. But by then I had already decided that he was mine regardless, due to the bond. Something then happened that made me sure - without going into detail, but as children grow there are certain genetics that show that can be unmistakeable.

That is my story. It is better to know for sure, via a DNA test, but it is something that needs very very careful handling and I'd even suggest counselling or mediation to help both of the prospective parents reach a happy conclusion.

For now I would write her a careful and thoughtful email. Regardless of whether you think a relationship would have worked, you are (possibly) prospective parents with responsibilities about to come.

As regards DNA tests - after looking into this recently - the pre birth test is pretty much foolproof but not legally binding for a court like the post birth dna test. However it depends on the type of pre birth dna test - it needs to be done formally with a blood sample taken from the Mother and not an informal swab - plus it needs the lab to deal with the samples to ensure they are correct.

I'll link some details below. It claims 100% accuracy.

So I would suggest writing an email to the Mother along the lines of

Dear x name

I know this is an emotional and uncertain time for us both, but also an exciting time. I fully wish to support you and the baby and be fully involved in care and ante natal arrangements as well as after the birth. I think it's important that the baby has a start with contentment during the pregnancy and both parents with minimal anxiety and being amicable.

We have discussed before, the possibility of DNA tests. I know this is a huge issue with all sorts of feelings surrounding it - on both sides. I just wish to say that I am not doubting you as a person, but I think it is something that, in the future, will also give our child certainty and it will help avoid doubts during the pregnancy. I am wondering how you feel about this. Personally I think we could just see it as a responsible and practical step towards our child's future and I am sure it will just confirm what we both already believe.

It is something that is unusual as being a Mother you know you're the Mother - but being a Father it is harder to get your head round when the baby isn't actually inside you. I hope that makes sense.

If you feel this level of discussion is upsetting or difficult then maybe we could ask a counsellor to help us discuss the matter so we come to a conclusion whereby we are both feeling comfortable without any anxiety or hurt feelings.

Otherwise, I attach a link to a pre natal DNA testing service, which I am happy to pay for, which gives 100% certainty. I think one thing this will do is enable me to be the best co parent and Father possible and reach that pychological point of moving into full parenting mode.

I am easy going about whether or not you would wish me to attend all the scans or not although I of course am very keen to attend the scans with you and ensure everything is going well and safely for you. Your health is a priority throughout this, as well as the health of the baby.

Please let me know your thoughts on the above - I am happy to discuss anything you want to, and you may wish to talk it over with someone yourself. Having said that, however much our friends and family are there for us, I am wondering if an outside professional, like a counsellor, might be the best person for us to discuss the matter with as they are supposed to be experts in helping people make decisions they feel happy about and assisting two people in making mutual decisions so there are no awkward feelings.

Hopefully this will become a positive transition in both our lives, which we can take one step at a time, as opposed to a rollercoaster.

With very kind thoughts, you"

Prenatal Paternity Test | Non-Invasive Prenatal (NIPP) DNA Testing Kit | AlphaBiolabs UK

Non-invasive prenatal paternity test (prenatal DNA testing) from AlphaBiolabs. The safest way to determine the paternity of an unborn child.

www.alphabiolabs.co.uk

This is just my suggestion. Others may think differently. But right now you don't know if you're a Dad or not. And are stuck at the moment with this with all kinds of thoughts whizzing around in your head.

The point being - if you are the Father of this child - would you want to know the child growing up, be involved and be sure the child is ok? That is the main decision. It's a hard one to answer but most people will tell you the feelings really kick in when the child is born and it would be nice to know before then, that it is yours.

 

[Pj66]

Hi Ash,



Thank you for your response, I have been struggling recently and knowing I'm not the only one who has been in a similar situation is of great comfort.

I believe I know the situation you are referring to of someone else on here where they were offered pre natal but denied birth dna. My situation is similar apart from she initially agreed to pre/natal and I backed down. I am hoping that it is not too late to re float the idea to her again as a way forward. She did say at the time that it was a mental blocker for her so she was happy to do it, and I can see you have mentioned something similar to that in your example message.

Fortunately, I have never floated the idea of abortion to her as I knew she wouldn't do it either way. So far I believe I have been the perfect courtier and respectful in all our interactions bar 1 phone call where I called her out for leading me on with mixed messages after she was insinuating she wanted to give things another go, and i put the phone down on her.
I was initially very firm on the pre-natal request and told her I would walk away without it and at the time she responded on the phone "well I don't have a choice do I" which suggests she didn't want to lose me as the father, another reason i believe it's mine.

But you are right, it's absolutely necessary to have certainty and just solely on the breakup, trust has been broken for me and I always had that niggling feeling. I worked the dates out and I think I can even lock down the exact day and time it happened, I even went as far as obsessively recalling all text interactions around that time to see if anything was suspicious and no, she was crazy about me. She added a bunch of dudes on social like a week after conception but I feel it was just to piss me off for some imagined slight because of her personality. Unfortunately she doesn't see this as her doing something wrong and has zero empathy to how this has given me that juggling feeling that I can't trust her.

Unfortunately due to what I believe is her personality disorder she is very sensitive to even the smallest slight. It's like I've had to walk on eggshells and induced a lot of anxiety.
I just don't think there a situation where I can straighten up say I believe her, even if I really do like 98% just based on the fact that it will show wishy washy ness and reinforce to her she can react however she wants and walk all over me. My biggest fear is her using the child as a way to control me which she already has shown to be manipulative and childish.

I want to find a way forward through this. She doesn't use email so I'd have to send it in messenger or something however, I feel it may be overwhelming to send such a long message.

I sent her a check in text yesterday, I knew she had seen it but she took all day to respond, I was expecting her to tell me to get lost but she didn't. She didn't give much away either as she just said all is well.

She held to her word and never shared anything of the 12 weeks scan. You are right in saying it's really hard to mentally prepare when you are so disconnected from everything. That's what I'd like to address. She said herself when I expressed I wanted to be involved during the pregnancy, that sometimes the excitement doesn't happen until the babies born, but she saying that to me whilst shutting me out, it makes it harder to get excited wondering if it will a nightmare to coparent, especially after some stories I've read on here where the mother is being really unreasonable. It's the controlling element that gets me. I want to be amicable but I am angry at the same time for the lack of respect.

I'm thinking of initially sending her a shorter message to test the waters or do you think I should get straight to the meat of it after not talking for over a month?

I feel with messages a lot of the emotive side is lacking but I can also see how messages can prevent anything getting heated, it's a catch 22.



My message would be something along the lines of:


"That's good to hear you are ok, I'd like to talk about some things with you if we can. I want to see if we can find something that works the best for both of us, as i feel the way things have been left is not ideal. Do you feel that this may be something we can resolve together for the baby?

I'm willing to find something with you that works best for both of us and the baby, but if we're completely cut off, I don't think current situation will be conductive to anything positive going forward. What do you think?"

That way I can gauge her response and then proceed with something liek you said .

 

[Ash]

How about sending the longer one as a letter inside a nice card. It is quite possible to be friends and co parents and have respect and trust, without having a relationship. I have never thought text is a good way to communicate.

 

[Pj66]

How about sending the longer one as a letter inside a nice card. It is quite possible to be friends and co parents and have respect and trust, without having a relationship. I have never thought text is a good way to communicate.

I could do but at this point I feel that all communication needs to be be recorded so can be recalled upon if need be. Is that something that you would agree with? Could having something like this recorded be useful in the future if things go south?

 

[Ash]

You could photocopy the letter and card before sending. Don’t send it registered Mail for a receipt though or she’ll think it suspicious. Just date the letter. If you type the letter just attach a word copy to an email and email it to yourself with a note saying letter send to x.

Then it’s date marked for the future via the email.

 

[Pj66]

thank for the advise. You said you ended up attending scans and doing ante natal classes with your ex partner. How did you manage to get past the block after the abortion situation and also, do you still encounter issues that are controlling and impossible to work around even as friends?

Even whilst being amicable which it sounds like you were in the beginning, did you still end up having to go through lengthy court situations? This is what concerns me the most as the money could be better spent on the baby.

How did you get around accepting the fact that it may be difficult and with all the uncertainty of co parenting?

 

[Ash]

Well people are all different and situations are all different. As in most cases, it was all fairly amicable until I got a new partner .... But by then I had a few years of solid equal parenting under my belt. There was the odd argument about money but it worked out ok.

There wasn't really a block after I mentioned the abortion. It was a stressful time all round. We didn't speak for a while but it wasn't possible anyway as she was too far gone and we were still reasonably amicable. The biggest drama was when I asked for a DNA test. And yes maybe that was suspicious she refused. But I just accepted it was mine from the dates. But situations vary - she was glad of the support - some people have family for that.

 

[Pj66]

Yes so it seem in no matter what situation, DNA is a very sensitive subject. I'm torn between asking for it and backing down, on one hand I do believe her but the principle of how I've been treated makes me feel by backing down and telling her I believe her won't change anything apart from her thinking she can walk all over me.

I also fear the situation you mention about a new partner. She knew there was someone else interested in me after she fell pregnant and we had broken up. She said that if I were to become serious with anyone else that they couldn't be around the baby.

Whilst I agree it would be unwise to introduce new partners to the child, This statement already concerned me for what the future might hold. It's already suggesting the baby will be used as a weapon. But I do see how I'm the midst of pregnancy hormones the thought of having another mum figure around the child would have upset her.

I will draft something when I have a moment, but I need to consider if il drop paternity or not. The funny thing is the more I felt was going to be included, the less I would have cared about dns test.

 

[Ash]

What is the situation at the moment if you do nothing? Sometimes we can create future situations. If things are very up and down now, during the pregnancy then it can set a precedent for her not feeling particularly helpful to you after the baby is born.

New partners are a big issue and when a child comes along, it's a good idea to draw up some kind of parenting agreement - a lot of those suggest something like neither parent will introduce a new partner for x months. Of course what usually happens is if the Mother meets a new partner, she introduces them straight away. But if Dad gets one, they insist on waiting.

In some ways its fair enough not to introduce a new partner too soon until you're sure the relationship is going to be long term. My ex was difficult about that and said my partner couldn't see child. We accepted that for a while waiting for her to come round. I'd ask now and then and she'd say not yet - more time. It got to a year! So I saw a solicitor who said - just do it anyway - if she stops you seeing the child, apply to court and you'll get the time back within a few weeks via an interim order (because I had a good schedule for a few years first). There was a big kerfuffle for 2 or 3 weeks then she backed down and said ok. However she had a new partner by then who was a good influence at first and I don't think he wanted court.

I think if you worry about the future and what might happen, you'd never do anything. All kinds of things happen on the way - good and bad. Some you can control with your own actions, some you can't.

 

[Pj66]

I guess my fear is she asked for space because of the paternity issue over a month ago. I have given her the space as requested and not been in contact until the other day just to check in.

I noticed some strange behaviour when i with a friend, seems like she found out I was just living my life and was trying to get my attention through random social media acts like adding and removing old photos etc. it was too much of a coincidence after a long period of nothing.

I'm not sure if I should just leave her be but at the same time it seems like she's pissed I gave her what she wanted and not chase becuse I haven't backed down yet about dna.

So I'm walking on eggshells again, I can't tell if she wants me to suggest a solution or if she will get to a point where she reaches out or resents me for giving her the space. Pregnancy when separated is so hard to navigate.

 

[Ash]

Why not just invite her to meet for a coffee and a chat?

 

[Pj66]

Why not just invite her to meet for a coffee and a chat?

Last time we spoke she said "I know you want to meet but that's not what I want right now" 6 weeks ago, be no contact since. This is why I feel it may be best just to send her a shorter message to say something along the lines of "I'm willing to find solution that works for both of us" and express it's not and ideal situation right now to be best prepared for a baby. Il draft the message you suggested just incase we do talk through it so I don't miss any key points.

Do I need to prepare a baby's room etc? This is why it's all a bit upsetting to me. I can read in my free time and stuff but it's the preparing alone and not sure what to expect or prepare for without any experience before or to share questions and things with the mother. I guess I can only do what I think needs to be done for now and obviously imagine if it would be a waste of time if it ended up not mine or no dns test.

I'm going to consult with my family and maybe shoot a shortish message to her asking if she's willing to be amicable and talk.

 

[Peanut 21]

I guess my fear is she asked for space because of the paternity issue over a month ago. I have given her the space as requested and not been in contact until the other day just to check in.

I noticed some strange behaviour when i with a friend, seems like she found out I was just living my life and was trying to get my attention through random social media acts like adding and removing old photos etc. it was too much of a coincidence after a long period of nothing.

I'm not sure if I should just leave her be but at the same time it seems like she's pissed I gave her what she wanted and not chase becuse I haven't backed down yet about dna.

So I'm walking on eggshells again, I can't tell if she wants me to suggest a solution or if she will get to a point where she reaches out or resents me for giving her the space. Pregnancy when separated is so hard to navigate.

I understand everyone mentioning hormones and they do play a big part in a women's emotions (I'm a woman so believe me I know) but I call bullsh*t.
Sorry for the blunt words but she's playing you.
She's shutting you out but also posting nonsense on social media to get your attention.
I'm not sure on your ages but regardless to whether you're in your 20s/30s or whatever she's being extremely immature.
Yes she's overwhelmed, but so are you.
It is a delicate situation but if you're walking on eggshells now it won't get better when the baby is born.
And threats of not having a new partner around shows what her real fears are.
Send the letter/email saying you need to get this sorted for the sake of your unborn child. You can apologise about the paternity situation now. Just say you were shocked and didn't mean to offend her. Once the baby is born there may be clues that it's yours and then you may be able to gently request paternity tests then.
For now, she's playing you and loving the control. Take some control back over your own life because she'll certainly try to control you when the baby is here.

 

[Pj66]

I understand everyone mentioning hormones and they do play a big part in a women's emotions (I'm a woman so believe me I know) but I call bullsh*t.
Sorry for the blunt words but she's playing you.
She's shutting you out but also posting nonsense on social media to get your attention.
I'm not sure on your ages but regardless to whether you're in your 20s/30s or whatever she's being extremely immature.
Yes she's overwhelmed, but so are you.
It is a delicate situation but if you're walking on eggshells now it won't get better when the baby is born.
And threats of not having a new partner around shows what her real fears are.
Send the letter/email saying you need to get this sorted for the sake of your unborn child. You can apologise about the paternity situation now. Just say you were shocked and didn't mean to offend her. Once the baby is born there may be clues that it's yours and then you may be able to gently request paternity tests then.
For now, she's playing you and loving the control. Take some control back over your own life because she'll certainly try to control you when the baby is here.

Yes my family believe the same. But if I just out right say I believe her now it won't change anything will it other then give her what she wants.

She always said I don't mind if you are involved and prepared to do it on her own which is fair. I believe she has a couple friends who have had their baby's single after splitting from their exes. She's seems to be putting very specific things as if she's been asking them what their baby daddy's involvement is like. I'm assuming they both have baby dad invovled.

It's interesting to get a woman's perspective.

The last message I got before we broke communication was along the lines of

"I'll be in contact nearer to the time depending on whether you still want a paternity test the otherwise I won't discuss anything until you've done that. Obviously the baby will be with me 90% of the time once the baby is born and I'll arrange visits with you, routine etc etc (and then blast out specific details of a routine) but when the babies born il know more about how I feel x"

So she says we won't be discussing anything and then discusses a routine lol

Part of me feels like the only power I have is to walk away, anything else is giving her what she wants which is control. Either way she will have the power and control, (or so she believes because she isn't thinking I could court it)

If I walked away I'm not I'd be the only one out of her friends where the baby daddy bailed because I don't know enough info.

Do I write the letter with the premise that if the babies mine I want the ore-natal becuse this isn't working for me otherwise I'm questioning my involvement? And let her sit with that thought but in a firm but polite way? And that nothing feels very real to me. If she refuse the pre natal I won't be receptive to discussing anything down the road.

Even if she blows me off, (which is the risk) I can always court order paternity.

 

[Peanut 21]

You could get some free legal advice on where to you stand. Most solicitors offer 30 mins for free. They'll quote some extortionate price but you don't have to use them. It's just to give you advice on what you could do. Then you can ask on here for the next move.

Sorry, just reread your original post so I've seen your ages.
So you were seeing each other for a bit, she ended it and is now saying she's pregnant.
It sounds like a classic young girl (God I sound old but now I'm 40 mid 20s seems so young) trapping a bloke by getting pregnant. Considering you've just got your own place she's done alright for herself.

She's mucking you about when she should be keeping you up to date on scans etc.
She's calling all the shots and once that baby is born she'll soon be demanding you pay child support and chip in for prams etc.

Yes she's feels offended you question being the dad but there's many a bloke in your situation who deserves to know if they're the dad. It takes two to tango, so to speak. Unless a woman can prove she's the new virgin Mary that kid didn't get there itself!

As I said, try some local solicitors to see where you stand legally. This may make you feel more in control and with some idea of future moves to make.

 

[Pj66]

You could get some free legal advice on where to you stand. Most solicitors offer 30 mins for free. They'll quote some extortionate price but you don't have to use them. It's just to give you advice on what you could do. Then you can ask on here for the next move.

Sorry, just reread your original post so I've seen your ages.
So you were seeing each other for a bit, she ended it and is now saying she's pregnant.
It sounds like a classic young girl (God I sound old but now I'm 40 mid 20s seems so young) trapping a bloke by getting pregnant. Considering you've just got your own place she's done alright for herself.

She's mucking you about when she should be keeping you up to date on scans etc.
She's calling all the shots and once that baby is born she'll soon be demanding you pay child support and chip in for prams etc.

As I said, try some local solicitors to see where you stand legally. This may make you feel more in control and with some idea of future moves to make.

I thought baby trapping was done in reverse girl gets pregnant guy can't leave. But yes I sure do have the feeling of being trapped. She's said that she doesn't need anything from me. She has a very wealthy family and a good job but did mention about me helping financially when she first told me.

I had a look into solicitors and most of them said 30mins but no legal advise so I'm guessing it will be just them advertising what they can do for me if things go south

Just to add, I've seen the strange social media activity has stopped since I checked in on her. Funny that isn't it

 

[Peanut 21]

She's probably beings influenced by friends with kids or family who want a grandchild. Societal pressures can make people do stupid things.
Mucking you about by saying you could get back together and then wanting space is not normal behaviour.
You would have thought she'd want to stability of staying with the dad.
Would you want to get back with her?

 

[Pj66]

She's probably beings influenced by friends with kids or family who want a grandchild. Societal pressures can make people do stupid things.
Mucking you about by saying you could get back together and then wanting space is not normal behaviour.
You would have thought she'd want to stability of staying with the dad.
Would you want to get back with her?

There are lingering feelings but after all this manipulation my logical mind is saying that i shouldn't, I don't think it would be healthy to force anything just because of a baby. She said a few days after telling me she was pregnant that it doesn't change anything between us. It's clear she doesn't respect me and is playing games. She then suggests us getting back together and we were texting back and forth but I made a comment that would not have been responded to the way she did over text if she genuinely wanted to give things a go so I called her out for leading me on and that's when things fell apart.

Currently I feel like ash's message is the way to go but I'm going to add that that I'm questioning my involvmenr if she doesn't play ball. I was thinking of just conveying the situation isn't ideal and would like to find a solution that works best for both of us. If she isn't reasonable then I have to lay it in thick that I'm not going to discuss anything if I'm frozen out or without pre-natal dna. Do I call her bluff becuse she hasn't blocked me at all on socials, she had a major habit of blocking and unblocking people when we were together. She's never blocked me though.

 

[Ash]

PJ I think you will go round in circles on this for a long time without that prenatal paternity test. I think you need to contact her, be friendly, say you would like the prenatal test as a formality and bend over backwards to be amicable. If it turns out not to be your child - well you will get over the emotional upset in time. If it turns out it is - you know where you are.

Do you have any feelings for her?