I’ve been bullied, by her I’ve got loads of text messages of her calling me names, emotionally abusing me, calling me fat telling me I’m worthless and I’m a waste of space. My son will be better of without me. Just off the top of my head I’m pretty strong cos I don’t have an identity crisis, but I had to stop engaging with her because she just craves the attention, it has nothing to do with my son it’s just the fact that she wants me to be with her but doesn’t know how to handle a relationship with me without controlling me. So the best thing to do is try to control me through my son. My manhood has been questioned multiple times, by her, her brothers, her dad! Her and her mum call me to emotionally manipulate me and my mum. Like I’ve had multiple arguments with my mum because of this situation, it’s soo mentally and emotionally taxing.You need to be careful going to the house in case they get difficult or call the Police or something. Do you think that's likely? Could you text first and say you'd like to come and see son at x time - and does she need anything bringing? Kind of trying to be normal and friendly? But then you might get a no. If you're able to go and see your son though it might be worth putting up with the awkward atmosphere.
With the CMS - a lot of people get caught out thinking they're paying it - by paying for items and keeping receipts - but that's not proof of CMS - It would be best to pay it by standing order and have the reference "Child Maintenance" on the standing order, so you can prove you've paid it. That is all you're legally obliged to pay. CMS will work it out. They seem quite keen these days on people making "family based arrangements" so providing you have something agreed in writing (eg text) with her that could be something like
x amount CM payment (maybe lower than the assessed rate if you check the calculator). Sharing cost of nappies and baby milk. Something like that. But if she just wants CM then you don't want to be paying for too many other things as well.
My situation was similar. Not married. Dated someone for a few weeks - we didn't live together. She ended it when she met someone else. A few months later informed me she was pregnant. It wasn't friendly at first but I decided I wanted to be involved with my child so bent over backwards to be useful!
Went to some ante natal classes with her, gave her lifts to buy baby stuff etc. Maybe easier because she didn't have family, her bf lived further away (and was a bit on and off) and she needed a babysitter two evenings a week so she could get out. I had to put up with all kinds of stuff. If I didn't drop everything and do what she wanted then she'd threaten to stop me seeing son. But by 3 months I was having him overnight twice a week (she liked her nights out). I got bullied for more money, called all sorts of names. It was no fun. But just looked at the longer term. Sometimes she'd be quite nice - if I did everything she wanted!
Maybe you could try some kind of dialogue with her (by text if not talking) - like say you're sorry about that incident and hope we can put that behind us and the important thing now is we both make sure the baby has stable relationships and what he needs, and you would like to have the chance to prove that she can trust you. That you will use whatever she thinks best for the baby if he comes to your house.
Sounds like her family might be a problem. Does she live with them?