Advice What can I do???

[KF31]

Sadly it doesn’t even look like anything will change not any time soon anyway.

The professionals who claim to be doing what’s best for children are a disgrace in this country and I hope one day are held fully accountable for the damage and misery they cause.

Thats great news I can’t imagine how he felt going that long without proper contact the first time my ex stopped contact I went 3 months without any at all and I’m now 5 weeks into seeing her at doorstep but zero time spent with her.

What’s the most hurtful is how she treats me now knowing that she doesn’t realise and what she must going through in her own mind breaks my heart. Who does that to a child it’s child abuse in plain sight and it’s allowed time and time again.

My partner was in a similar position, it got to the point where his daughter was repeating the kidnapping claims her mother was feeding to her.

Just remember however your daughter is acting or whatever negative things she may say, it’s only what shes being encouraged to do and say and is no true reflection of how she actually feels for you. It’s upsetting for you to see what’s happening, but it can and will get better. My partners daughter no longer says anything about kidnap and she’s always telling him she loves him. A few weeks ago she asked if she could phone her friend and then started showing off her newly decorated bedroom to her. Her friend said to her “your daddy must love you” and his daughter replied saying “yeah he does”. Just goes to show no matter how much an ex might try to sabotage a relationship between a child and their father, they don’t always have the hold over the child that they hope for.

 

[Peanut 21]

Luckily for me my daughter seams to like the social worker and does speak to her, she did at start of all this away from her Mam she speaks her true feelings.

I'm sure at 5 your daughter will open up and be honest with the SW.
I don't think a 5 year old has the wherewithal to lie.
As an example, the first time my partners son was interviewed by cafcass he was 6. He told her that he couldn't see daddy until he'd done a course. When questioned who told him that, initially he said he couldn't remember. Then he said mummy told him. So his mother had told him he couldn't see his dad until dad had done a course (triple p and separated parents). The Cafcass officer said the kids had been exposed to inappropriate adult conversations.
Subsequent times he's spoken to childrens services/cafcass he doesn't mention his mother. Even though she must be telling him and his sister more bs why they can't see their dad.
Also, it's dreadful that kids get trained to grass on their own father. Disgusting parenting from the mothers.

 

[DB2021]

My partner was in a similar position, it got to the point where his daughter was repeating the kidnapping claims her mother was feeding to her.

Just remember however your daughter is acting or whatever negative things she may say, it’s only what shes being encouraged to do and say and is no true reflection of how she actually feels for you. It’s upsetting for you to see what’s happening, but it can and will get better. My partners daughter no longer says anything about kidnap and she’s always telling him she loves him. A few weeks ago she asked if she could phone her friend and then started showing off her newly decorated bedroom to her. Her friend said to her “your daddy must love you” and his daughter replied saying “yeah he does”. Just goes to show no matter how much an ex might try to sabotage a relationship between a child and their father, they don’t always have the hold over the child that they hope for.

That’s so nice to hear how she speaks about him.

I know my daughter loves me and I’ve never thought the way she is towards me now is really her she’s just mirroring what her Mam thinks.

I know I’ve done nothing to warrant it and I know my little girl has no real negative memories of me and that keeps me going.

 

[DB2021]

I'm sure at 5 your daughter will open up and be honest with the SW.
I don't think a 5 year old has the wherewithal to lie.
As an example, the first time my partners son was interviewed by cafcass he was 6. He told her that he couldn't see daddy until he'd done a course. When questioned who told him that, initially he said he couldn't remember. Then he said mummy told him. So his mother had told him he couldn't see his dad until dad had done a course (triple p and separated parents). The Cafcass officer said the kids had been exposed to inappropriate adult conversations.
Subsequent times he's spoken to childrens services/cafcass he doesn't mention his mother. Even though she must be telling him and his sister more bs why they can't see their dad.
Also, it's dreadful that kids get trained to grass on their own father. Disgusting parenting from the mothers.

Yeah I hope so she did when they were doing the section 7. Wouldn’t when her Mam was there but away from her she spoke very fondly of me, I think that’s what angers me the most is the social worker knows how my daughter feels yet now just acts like it’s all because of her losing her gran and the new baby being born which don’t get me wrong I understand is a huge thing for her but why am I the one she’s rejecting because of it makes no sense, ex has said it’s only me she does it to which to me shows that it’s not that as if it was because of what she’s going through she would be showing these behaviours with others and at school etc.

I just hope if she does open up and things come out that her Mam is behind it that the social worker actually does something about it but I won’t hold my breath.

It is disgusting but sadly until there’s actual real punishment for it when it’s proven to be false and from mother then it will continue to happen over and over again. Funny how as fathers we have to jump through hoops whenever an accusation is made yet mothers get away Scott free

 

[DB2021]

Hi all,

So I’m still not getting any time with my daughter when I arrive she refuses to even look at me or speak to me but she does take the little Jiffy bags I make for her.

I spoke to the Social worker about my worries and as previously said she pretty much didn’t want to know and said “what’s the judge going to do” and it would be her the court would ask to do a report etc etc.

My biggest concern about going back to court for a breach is the fact the social worker is making it very clear that my concerns aren’t important due to my daughter losing her gran and becoming a big sister again and I know us as fathers really need the so called professionals on side but given that the social worker isn’t on mine by the looks of it that scares me a great deal about going back to court as she would stand on my exes side which would I’m sure hold a lot of weight with any judge.

do you have any thoughts of what i should do I kind of feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Resolute]

The longer it takes for you to take this back to court, the bigger a mountain you will have to climb.

You have time with your daughter ordered, it is not happening because of your ex. The court would not put a decision of this weight on a 5 year olds shoulders and should reprimand your ex for letting this happen. Social Worker reports do not make the decision, that is down to a judge or magistrates.

P.s. keep up the jiffy bags, it is still a regular link, however tenuous.

 

[DB2021]

Hi resolute,

Thank you for your reply, I guess I just needed someone to give me a kick up the arse, I think due to my ex losing her Mam and my daughter her grandmar I worried to much thinking I’ll be viewed as horrible by a judge for not understanding this yet I feel I’ve been very understanding and also don’t see that as a reasonable excuse for my time to not happen especially for as long as it’s gone on for now.

I will I do one for every time I go to pick her up I’ve bought everything I need and just top up as needed, I enjoy doing them and I know at least I’m with her even if I’m not, thank you for such an amazing idea

 

[Resolute]

It warms my heart to know you are doing that for your daughter. I think she will remember that you kept turning up and giving her something to show you love her, whatever the circumstances. Kids work stuff out much quicker than the obstructive parent bargains for. Her little instincts will be tuning in on the situation starting to feel what is going on here.

 

[DB2021]

It warms my heart to know you are doing that for your daughter. I think she will remember that you kept turning up and giving her something to show you love her, whatever the circumstances. Kids work stuff out much quicker than the obstructive parent bargains for. Her little instincts will be tuning in on the situation starting to feel what is going on here.

I will do anything for her but it’s because of you that those little Jiffy bags are there for her as I wouldn’t have thought of that so thank you again.

I really hope so but no matter the outcome I won’t ever give up on her not why I’m breathing.

It’s a shame that her mam doesn’t realise that one day she will turn on her because of what’s she doing and no matter how much her mam has hurt me I don’t even want that to happen I just want our daughter to have both her parents.

 

[StayStrong]

I will do anything for her but it’s because of you that those little Jiffy bags are there for her as I wouldn’t have thought of that so thank you again.

I really hope so but no matter the outcome I won’t ever give up on her not why I’m breathing.

It’s a shame that her mam doesn’t realise that one day she will turn on her because of what’s she doing and no matter how much her mam has hurt me I don’t even want that to happen I just want our daughter to have both her parents.

It doesn't matter one jot if "her Mam turns on her one day". Please put those thoughts away, they interfere with your positive outlook and are distracting.

You have a great purpose in your parcels which are so powerfully meaningful to your daughter. Please stay strong and focused, you can achieve so much by being you and never bitter or resentful.

SS.

 

[DB2021]

It doesn't matter one jot if "her Mam turns on her one day". Please put those thoughts away, they interfere with your positive outlook and are distracting.

You have a great purpose in your parcels which are so powerfully meaningful to your daughter. Please stay strong and focused, you can achieve so much by being you and never bitter or resentful.

SS.

Hi Sostrong,

I think I may have worded it wrong as I didn’t mean her mam will turn on her I meant our daughter will turn on her mam.

But as I said at the end of my post I don’t want that to happen as our daughter needs both of us so I was actually being positive about it all. I’ve never been a bitter or resentful person nor will I ever become one.

I will always be positive about her mam no matter what she does to me because that’s what a real parent does.

 

[Peanut 21]

It doesn't matter one jot if "her Mam turns on her one day". Please put those thoughts away, they interfere with your positive outlook and are distracting.

You have a great purpose in your parcels which are so powerfully meaningful to your daughter. Please stay strong and focused, you can achieve so much by being you and never bitter or resentful.

SS.

I think he means his daughter will turn on her mum when she's older.

Keep going DB. If a social worker thinks a dad shouldn't make a fuss because the child has lost a grandparent they're a fool.
At this time surely anyone sane would think your daughter needs her dad as more emotional support after the death of the grandmother. Also a sane mother would welcome the break from one child if they're caring for a baby.
As we all know. These types of women aren't normal.
Don't fear the judge siding with the social worker. Get the c79 in and we can all help with any statements etc needed before the hearing.
Your daughter needs her dad!!!!

 

[Resolute]

See what others on here think, but I would consider a new C100 at this point.

 

[StayStrong]

Hey @DB2021 ..... I mis phrased it, I'm sorry, and thank you for clarification.

Keep going, SS.

 

[DB2021]

I think he means his daughter will turn on her mum when she's older.

Keep going DB. If a social worker thinks a dad shouldn't make a fuss because the child has lost a grandparent they're a fool.
At this time surely anyone sane would think your daughter needs her dad as more emotional support after the death of the grandmother. Also a sane mother would welcome the break from one child if they're caring for a baby.
As we all know. These types of women aren't normal.
Don't fear the judge siding with the social worker. Get the c79 in and we can all help with any statements etc needed before the hearing.
Your daughter needs her dad!!!!

Thanx Peanut I did try and fight my case with the social worker but she then told me to go back to my counsellor as she believes I’ve slipped back all because I have serious concerns about what my daughters mam is doing it’s beggars belief sometimes.

Worst part is my ex said last week “don’t you think I’d love her to go with you “ so she can get that break you mentioned yet all the while doing absolutely nothing to encourage her or promote but I know it’s all a game to her she’s very manipulative and will say whatever she has to to make herself look innocent but she has never fooled me.

I’m going to what’s the worst that can happen at this point but at the very least I can air my concerns to the court.

 

[DB2021]

See what others on here think, but I would consider a new C100 at this point.

Can I do that resolute? Given that I’ve only had my original order since November?

 

[Resolute]

Can I do that resolute? Given that I’ve only had my original order since November?

I am aware of cases where a parent, admittedly always the mum, has gone straight back in.

But like I said, see what others have to say.

My reasoning is that the order you have might not be enforceable, I think variation to pick up from school could be necessary to make things work. Also, this has been going on some time without being enforced.

I'm just starting the conversation, not giving anything categorical.

 

[DB2021]

I am aware of cases where a parent, admittedly always the mum, has gone straight back in.

But like I said, see what others have to say.

My reasoning is that the order you have might not be enforceable, I think variation to pick up from school could be necessary to make things work. Also, this has been going on some time without being enforced.

I'm just starting the conversation, not giving anything categorical.

Ohhh I see I didn’t think you would be allowed so it’s something to look into.

Yes I’m going to ask for a variation with regards to that and also that my original order is reworded as it states “contact” which Ash pointed out is demeaning so I’m going to ask that to be changed to spends time with.

I can send you a copy of my order privately if you wish so you can see what your thoughts are?

 

[Resolute]

Ohhh I see I didn’t think you would be allowed so it’s something to look into.

Yes I’m going to ask for a variation with regards to that and also that my original order is reworded as it states “contact” which Ash pointed out is demeaning so I’m going to ask that to be changed to spends time with.

I can send you a copy of my order privately if you wish so you can see what your thoughts are?

I think you should wait and see what others think about this. I'm not aware of a procedural barrier to a new C100 application, and I believe this would be more likely to achieve serious reconsideration of the situation.

We know with absolute certainty that your order is not working, I do not see need for further analysis at this point.

 

[Ash]

I'd already suggested sending a "letter before action" and then submitting a C79 for enforcement asap. You can still ask for wording to be varied within that. Too soon for a new C100 and it's a breach. Ignore the social worker. It's your ex's responsibility to comply with the order, not your daughter's.

Also a variation application would take a very long time. C79 enforcement - they are supposed to hear within 21 days. It takes a lot longer these days but still a heck of a lot quicker than a C100 to vary. You have an order, she is not complying, the court needs to know or they can't fix it.