I've got my cafcass call coming up early next week, i've looked at the various threads on this call and get the gist of keeping things purely child focused without any negativety but I still have a couple of questions.
Brief overview of current situation.
Separated nearly 2 years ago, she moved out with son (2 at the time) to a property about half a mile away, started with 1 day every weekend (about 7 hours) and 1 midweek afternoon pickup from grandmother and evening drop off to mum.
This carried on for around 6 months and once he was starting to talk I proposed starting off overnights at mine, this was refused with some quite bizarre reasons and it took me a futher 5 months to get her into mediation where she finally agreed to one overnight every other weekend (same daytime in the intervening week), and we changed the midweek to a nursery pick up rather than grandmother day with same early evening drop off.
After about another 3 months and absolutely no issues whatsoever I proposed progressing things further with the idea of overnights to start in the week with a view to eventually doing alternate weekends, but full weekends. This was refused so I started the mediation route again, she ignored it this time so I went ahead and did another MIAM, in the mean time (and before she was aware I attended a MIAM) I received a solicitors letter setting out changes to the arrangements as follows, alternate weekends only but still just one night and no change to the brief couple of hours midweek, I sent quite a stern response to this as I dont see that being in my sons best interest at all to now have much larger gaps in between time with his father, bear in mind we live a matter of minutes from each other and the nursery, so we are back to existing arrangements at the moment.
Got my c100 in and asked for shared care, full alternate weekends, midweek overnights and half school holidays.
I have absolutely no concerns about the ex in terms of being a good mother and so far no hint of her looking to raise cocerns about me, the stock response to my requests for progressing the arrangements is always 'it will interfere with his routine'.
My worry after all this time is that the staus quo has been set and cafcass may not see the need for much change. He will start primary school this year and I am keen to be involved in his education from the start, i imagine this will be difficult with just 1 collection per week from school, hence trying to start midweek overnights, and preferably to start while hes still at nursery where he is happy and settled. I get the feeling the ex is trying to keep me away from that side of things like she prevented me collecting him from nursery for over a year.
My questions are
How much weight will cafcass put on the status quo and how can I try and convince them that this needs some progression? Obviously I wasnt looking for immediate change but rather a stepped chage so he gets used to things.
I am assuming they will ask my reasons for requesting shared care, I'm not sure how to answer this without sounding negative about the ex, the reasons are mainly because she has not involved me in any decisions regarding our son (a few examples - sent me list of school choices she chose no discussion, refused to tell me about some healthcare appointments etc, taking him out of nursery without telling me, taking him on holiday without offering any additional time to make up), and just the general i'm the mother and what I say goes attitude
The other issue I have and is partly why we have ended up here is that she cant make a decision without the approval of her mother who is dictating everything behind the scenes, is this worth hinting at to cafcass if they ask why I think the ex doesnt want any progression, or best to keep that to myself?
Also is it worth asking if they can recomend mid week overnights to start in the interim after the first hearing? I'm worried if it drags on then they will use the excuse that we dont want to unsettle him when he just starts school
Like most I never wanted to go this route but now kicking myself I didnt start this process much sooner as she clearly never had any intention of allowing much more than the current arrangements.
Thanks in advance if anyone can offer any advice.
Brief overview of current situation.
Separated nearly 2 years ago, she moved out with son (2 at the time) to a property about half a mile away, started with 1 day every weekend (about 7 hours) and 1 midweek afternoon pickup from grandmother and evening drop off to mum.
This carried on for around 6 months and once he was starting to talk I proposed starting off overnights at mine, this was refused with some quite bizarre reasons and it took me a futher 5 months to get her into mediation where she finally agreed to one overnight every other weekend (same daytime in the intervening week), and we changed the midweek to a nursery pick up rather than grandmother day with same early evening drop off.
After about another 3 months and absolutely no issues whatsoever I proposed progressing things further with the idea of overnights to start in the week with a view to eventually doing alternate weekends, but full weekends. This was refused so I started the mediation route again, she ignored it this time so I went ahead and did another MIAM, in the mean time (and before she was aware I attended a MIAM) I received a solicitors letter setting out changes to the arrangements as follows, alternate weekends only but still just one night and no change to the brief couple of hours midweek, I sent quite a stern response to this as I dont see that being in my sons best interest at all to now have much larger gaps in between time with his father, bear in mind we live a matter of minutes from each other and the nursery, so we are back to existing arrangements at the moment.
Got my c100 in and asked for shared care, full alternate weekends, midweek overnights and half school holidays.
I have absolutely no concerns about the ex in terms of being a good mother and so far no hint of her looking to raise cocerns about me, the stock response to my requests for progressing the arrangements is always 'it will interfere with his routine'.
My worry after all this time is that the staus quo has been set and cafcass may not see the need for much change. He will start primary school this year and I am keen to be involved in his education from the start, i imagine this will be difficult with just 1 collection per week from school, hence trying to start midweek overnights, and preferably to start while hes still at nursery where he is happy and settled. I get the feeling the ex is trying to keep me away from that side of things like she prevented me collecting him from nursery for over a year.
My questions are
How much weight will cafcass put on the status quo and how can I try and convince them that this needs some progression? Obviously I wasnt looking for immediate change but rather a stepped chage so he gets used to things.
I am assuming they will ask my reasons for requesting shared care, I'm not sure how to answer this without sounding negative about the ex, the reasons are mainly because she has not involved me in any decisions regarding our son (a few examples - sent me list of school choices she chose no discussion, refused to tell me about some healthcare appointments etc, taking him out of nursery without telling me, taking him on holiday without offering any additional time to make up), and just the general i'm the mother and what I say goes attitude
The other issue I have and is partly why we have ended up here is that she cant make a decision without the approval of her mother who is dictating everything behind the scenes, is this worth hinting at to cafcass if they ask why I think the ex doesnt want any progression, or best to keep that to myself?
Also is it worth asking if they can recomend mid week overnights to start in the interim after the first hearing? I'm worried if it drags on then they will use the excuse that we dont want to unsettle him when he just starts school
Like most I never wanted to go this route but now kicking myself I didnt start this process much sooner as she clearly never had any intention of allowing much more than the current arrangements.
Thanks in advance if anyone can offer any advice.