Guest viewing is limited

should I or shouldn't I?

N

NewcastleBrownAle

Experienced member
Member
So, next week I have a prehearing discussion and hearing for interim arrangements to spend time with my child before the FHDRA in July. Previously, in January the ex tried an NMO and I agreed a cross undertaking. Part of that cross undertaking was that I could contact the ex's solicitor to arrange to see my son and also could contact my ex by parenting app to arrange to see my son, this was the ex's own suggestion and they were instructed to give me contact details before they left the court room, which they did.

Since then, 6 emails to the solicitor were not responded to, then finally I get an email stating that they will not be involved with mediating communication with the ex, as it is not part of the legal aid cover. The ex , has not responded to my request by parenting app.

Strangely, the cross undertaking has not been sent out in writing, so I can't check the wording of it.

So, should I ask the court next week to consider the cross undertaking was made in bad faith by the other side and not adhered to ? My concern is that whatever interim arrangements are made next week, the ex and her legal team will also not comply with and I would want the court to ensure this does not happen.

Let's face it, if I had broken the undertaking, the other side would surely be trying to make a case against me.

However, to do so, does look like tit for tat. Despite the harm it has caused due to the lack of time with my child, so it is a child focused topic to ask the court to make directions on.

Thoughts anyone ?
 
I see this as very simple.

Ex's proposal to provide child time with you has been singularly ineffective. It is in the child's best interests to have regular and significant time with both parents. Ordered time with you is necessary to ensure this happens.
 
Resolute said:
I see this as very simple.

Ex's proposal to provide child time with you has been singularly ineffective. It is in the child's best interests to have regular and significant time with both parents. Ordered time with you is necessary to ensure this happens.
Click to expand...
ex wants it to be contact centre once every other week, she has done this with the other dads, and simply cancel on the day and not show up, citing, the child is unwell etc.
 
If you have ordered time with the child. Your ex is in breach if she does not make the child available to you. Aside from in case of emergency.

My ex was only offering 2 hours a fortnight in a contact centre for the interim. I got three full days a week, no contact centre. You may have read about allegations against me elsewhere. I had time in ex's property until I saw the little one off to sleep at end of the day.

Contact centre is a stage some have to go through. But it is only justified for a limited time. It is not a long term solution. And, it needs to he justified. If you are not seen as a danger the court can order time in community, your home, or under supervision of a 3rd party.

It might be that your ex will slowly unravel as you step around each of the obstacles she throws in front of you. I think this has already started to happen. I think you have greater fortitude than your predecessors.
 
Resolute said:
If you have ordered time with the child. Your ex is in breach if she does not make the child available to you. Aside from in case of emergency.

My ex was only offering 2 hours a fortnight in a contact centre for the interim. I got three full days a week, no contact centre. You may have read about allegations against me elsewhere. I had time in ex's property until I saw the little one off to sleep at end of the day.

Contact centre is a stage some have to go through. But it is only justified for a limited time. It is not a long term solution. And, it needs to he justified. If you are not seen as a danger the court can order time in community, your home, or under supervision of a 3rd party.

It might be that your ex will slowly unravel as you step around each of the obstacles she throws in front of you. I think this has already started to happen. I think you have greater fortitude than your predecessors.
Click to expand...

I think the court day next week is going to be a long , challenging one. I'm still not sure of my tactics yet. But I do know that I need to come up with an interim arrangement the court will accept. The ex is saying she doesnt want any contact with me ( which is fine by me), and that obviously makes it difficult to pick up and drop of my child, she has had me banned from school as part of the undertaking as well. She will continue to make it just about impossible to come up with any arrangement. I do have some ideas though, such as being picked up by a friend who she knows and asking (and paying ) for an independent social worker to witness the parenting for the first couple of visits, to satisfy the court that my child is not distressed and his well being is fully considered.
 
My tactics in court were to pounce on every opportunity and grab every possible second of time with my child. In the end, I think judges were setting me up to fail. Or at least thinking the order would demonstrate who was telling the truth. I had to find a way of making what I won possible after it was ordered.

You have great ideas already.

A couple of thoughts

1) Some contact centres will facilitate handovers. This would mean your ex does not have to be "exposed" to you, you would not have to rely on agreeing the 3rd party, and your time with the kids would not be in a contact centre.

2) Could you aim big? Of all the allegations against me it was health and substance use that influenced the judges. Overnights were fine after those ones were dealt with. If you are banned, couldn't a third party collect from school and drop off next morning?
 
Resolute said:
My tactics in court were to pounce on every opportunity and grab every possible second of time with my child. In the end, I think judges were setting me up to fail. Or at least thinking the order would demonstrate who was telling the truth. I had to find a way of making what I won possible after it was ordered.

You have great ideas already.

A couple of thoughts

1) Some contact centres will facilitate handovers. This would mean your ex does not have to be "exposed" to you, you would not have to rely on agreeing the 3rd party, and your time with the kids would not be in a contact centre.

2) Could you aim big? Of all the allegations against me it was health and substance use that influenced the judges. Overnights were fine after those ones were dealt with. If you are banned, couldn't a third party collect from school and drop off next morning?
Click to expand...
she alleges I drink 60 bottles of wine a month ! LOL, the court ordered that I get a letter from my GP reporting any interventions or consultations regarding alcohol and "any other safeguarding issues". The letter is for court in July, but I've already obtained it today, and of course there is nothing in the letter. So I will serve it on all parties at the interim arrangements hearing next week.
 
Do you have any blood tests you could disclose? That level of alcohol consumption would result in elevated enzymes.
 
Yes, but LFT is routine. I thought you said her allegations were historic. If you've had test(s) with normal results in the past. That information should be available to the court. It may be that GP would not think to include a negative result in their letter.

It took 9 mths and 3 weeks for the court to see my results. 10 days later overnights with me began. If tests are ordered at FHDRA, you could be waiting 6 months. Set back to 2025.
 
Last edited:
It's good you explained that for those interested, but I've edited it out because it's personally identifying info about the child and yourself also. If the court has asked for a GP report and you have one then you have it to provide. If the other side push for further tests you'd have to explain and ask them to pay for an expert witness.
 
Ash said:
It's good you explained that for those interested, but I've edited it out because it's personally identifying info about the child and yourself also. If the court has asked for a GP report and you have one then you have it to provide. If the other side push for further tests you'd have to explain and ask them to pay for an expert witness.
Click to expand...
ok, thanks Ash
 
That can get expensive but it's a good idea. Especially if they can do reports later.
 
Here is my issue. I've not seen my child for 3 months and the ex will be systematically turning him against me ( seen her doing this with the others) and frightening him by telling him that "daddy wants to take you away and never bring you back" sort of thing. So of course he will be unsettled for a while and the contact centre staff would be on hand to help ( and report) distress. I'm thinking an independent child social worker ( properly briefed with all this stuff) would be able to help me overcome it and also report back to courts as required. Yes expensive, but maybe a better option than contact centre?
 
Ash said:
It's good you explained that for those interested, but I've edited it out because it's personally identifying info about the child and yourself also. If the court has asked for a GP report and you have one then you have it to provide. If the other side push for further tests you'd have to explain and ask them to pay for an expert witness.
Click to expand...
expensive ? I've just talked to one provider who want £180 for a quote, that's just the quote LOL
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

What's new

Forum statistics

Threads
1,744
Messages
24,525
Members
1,553
Latest member
Neil#

Check out our Twitter Page

Forum for single Dads and divorcing Dads seeking help with child access and more

Community platform by XenForo® © 2010-2024 XenForo Ltd. Disclaimer: This website, Dads with Kids, (https://dadswithkids.co.uk https:www.dadswithkids.co.uk http://www.dadswithkids.co.uk) and the owners, cannot accept liability for any loss incurred by use of the information provided on this site or for the content of individual members or the content of any of the external sites to which it is linked. The site is for advice, support and sharing, but members or visitors considering or involved in litigation should seek qualified legal advice when necessary. The owners retain full rights over the logo which may not be reproduced without written permission.
Back
Top