Could use some advice and I'll try to keep this brief:
Have not been with my daughter's mom since she was 1, she is now 13. Up until I remarried, things have been great with mom. 2 years ago my daughter got a phone and there were various issues - she was threatening people online, etc - mom refused to give me access to the parental app to monitor. Things escalated, months later I found hours of her looking at porn over several weeks on the phone - social media usage was out of control, telling friends she lost her virginity (at 11), etc. Concerned, I had a talk with her, no yelling, etc. As I have no way of monitoring her phone in real time (she deletes things), she was told she could not use the phone at our house and to place it in the living room when she was with us. She occasionally snuck it upstairs but this arrangement mostly worked. She then refused to see me and mom supported her. After scheduling mediation, mom backed down and we resumed normal contact.
A month ago I found her again threatening people online and she's given her contact information to someone she's calling her girlfriend in America. Spoke to her about it. Again, she is refusing to see me. This time I scheduled mediation and mom didn't try to talk me out of it. Where she was hostile before about our daughter behaving this way, she is now playing along in mediation saying she 'desperately' wants our daughter to have a relationship with me but she feels I favour her sister and my wife more than her and she just 'can't' think of anything to make her come around. For awhile I called every night to speak to my daughter, she refused and mom and I agreed it wasn't working and we needed to try something else. Now the mediator is suggesting writing her letters - this seems like a time-waster to be frank and a great way for mom to document and twist things.
What are the best options when a child refuses to see you when they don't like the rules at our house? I love my daughter but acknowledge she is emotionally immature - she is using an excuse because she doesn't like the rules at mine. I'm stuck because mediator has all but said if we go to court they will listen to what my daughter wants because she's turning 14 this summer. Mom is playing the game by putting the ball back in my court when I've offered to go to family therapy, have called her nightly, etc. At what point does mom need to step up?
Have not been with my daughter's mom since she was 1, she is now 13. Up until I remarried, things have been great with mom. 2 years ago my daughter got a phone and there were various issues - she was threatening people online, etc - mom refused to give me access to the parental app to monitor. Things escalated, months later I found hours of her looking at porn over several weeks on the phone - social media usage was out of control, telling friends she lost her virginity (at 11), etc. Concerned, I had a talk with her, no yelling, etc. As I have no way of monitoring her phone in real time (she deletes things), she was told she could not use the phone at our house and to place it in the living room when she was with us. She occasionally snuck it upstairs but this arrangement mostly worked. She then refused to see me and mom supported her. After scheduling mediation, mom backed down and we resumed normal contact.
A month ago I found her again threatening people online and she's given her contact information to someone she's calling her girlfriend in America. Spoke to her about it. Again, she is refusing to see me. This time I scheduled mediation and mom didn't try to talk me out of it. Where she was hostile before about our daughter behaving this way, she is now playing along in mediation saying she 'desperately' wants our daughter to have a relationship with me but she feels I favour her sister and my wife more than her and she just 'can't' think of anything to make her come around. For awhile I called every night to speak to my daughter, she refused and mom and I agreed it wasn't working and we needed to try something else. Now the mediator is suggesting writing her letters - this seems like a time-waster to be frank and a great way for mom to document and twist things.
What are the best options when a child refuses to see you when they don't like the rules at our house? I love my daughter but acknowledge she is emotionally immature - she is using an excuse because she doesn't like the rules at mine. I'm stuck because mediator has all but said if we go to court they will listen to what my daughter wants because she's turning 14 this summer. Mom is playing the game by putting the ball back in my court when I've offered to go to family therapy, have called her nightly, etc. At what point does mom need to step up?