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Issues or controlling/ your opinions please

C

Crazydiamond

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Issue 1, Ok, Have an interim order, which allows 1 overnight with me. At sons home (he is 4 yrs old, turns 5 in Sept) Son sleeps in bed with mother. Also wears a nappy, so no accidents and pee`s on mother or her bed. First night son came to stay with me 14 weeks ago, He was put into his bed in his bedroom, woke up in the middle of the night, came into mine and my partners bedroom, crying, woke us both up, and he got into bed next to me on the end. Mother found out and hit the roof, She does not want son to sleep in my bed with my partner. So now I have to sleep in a single bed with him, whist mam does nothing to encourage to help by doing same, getting into his bed. This is on social services report also court is aware of this situation. Social services seem to be her side with this. However I am of the opinion that what he does in my care is my choice, so if i want to keep it the same as mam, I can. It disturbs my sleep, also his. Is this controlling ?

Issue 2 , Asked this before on here, Mam told me, not asked, that on a day I have son , that he was going to a caravan for the weekend. Mams family are unlikely to say who with as that's who they are, none of my business attitude . So I drove round looking for some clues of who he could have gone with, he is my son obviously his welfare is my concern, my instinct was right , he did not go with someone with responsibility, he went with his half sister and her boyfriend, I mentioned this to SS, who then twisted my words, and put into the last court hearing report that it was controlling behaviour. This was read out by the judge, as you can imagine this annoyed me, as it was for his welfare, and to put my mind at rest, Had i known beforehand who my son was going with , his half sister, i would have had my doubts.
 
There is such a culture of this kind of thing now. But the basic premise is, that your ex is deemed responsible to decide who the kids are safe with when in her care, so yes it would be seen to be interfering in her PR, however concerned you might be.

Of course your son should be allowed to get into your bed, even if shared with a partner. All normal stuff, but unfortunately the ex has objected and social services have rolled over.

Your son is bound to be a bit scared at night in a new room/bed at first and by 6 he should be sleeping in his own bed. I would work at setting things so he stays in his bed until wake up time in the morning. But then it's perfectly normal for them not to want to be alone. My partner and I used to take in turns to get up very early (he was sometimes awake about 5am and go downstairs and play games etc. It's hard work!

To help him settle in his room, you could stay with him until he falls asleep, with you lying on the bed. A child friendly nightlight helps as well. Check out "twilight turtle" It's a turtle nightlight that shines stars on the ceiling. That helped a lot.
 
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I have had very similar issues regarding sleeping arrangements since overnights started. To be honest, I have jumped through the hoops as they have been presented to me. All in writing and with minimal inclusion of anything other than assurances on reasonable points and denial of any allegations. My child wears a nappy every night with my ex, but is proudly night trained during time with me. I found it best to just tick ex's boxes and create a night time routine that works for us within those restrictions. This has meant I cannot sleep on my own bed, back aches and sleepless nights for me. But the child sleeps well and is very comfortable here. I have slept on the floor, sat by the bed holding hands, laid next to the child (as Ash suggested)... Whatever is necessary. They run out of objections in the end or end up objecting to you doing as they asked, as happened in my case.

Demands and implied allegations from my ex on this stuff often come with a threat to "withhold". It is such a sensitive area and so easy for her to create a negative impression of me, I kind of rollover within reason and work around the nonsense.
 
The common points on here seem to be:
1) kids sleeping in parents beds beyond a certain age. I'm not judging as my partner had the same with his daughter. The kids need comforting as they're under stress.
2) kids wearing nappies with mum so needing toilet training with dad. Again my partner had this with both kids. I mean, how long do you keep a kid in nappies!? The mothers are trying to keep them as babies while dad teaching basic elements of growing up.
3) mums can do whatever they like. Dads can't without threats.

Madness.
 
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