How to move on/moral support

[Peanut 21]

Those of you that know my partners story will know we've been dealing with PA and a very difficult mother.

We've come to a point of not knowing which way to turn. We're both so tired and our physical and mental health is being badly effected. Sleepless nights and a lack of appetite takes its toll.

We're at a point where cafcass, other experts and the courts believe the children should be able to decide on contact with dad. Bearing in mind this happens when the kids turn 11.
There's no welfare concerns. Just dad 'doesn't listen to the children'.
Their mother has no boundaries and is best friends with the children. My step daughter is showing real signs of being isolated from friends as she would rather cling to her mother. And now the ex is showing signs of manipulating my step sons friendships with friends she deems unsuitable.
But none of the so called professionals see an issue with the hyperalignment with one parent and rejection of the other.
The solution is just scrap the CAO and let kids decide.

I'm not sure we can do this anymore

 

[Resolute]

 

[Ash]

Hi Peanut. I'm sorry to hear you and partner are rock bottom with this. Have you had another hearing yet or do you have one coming up? Nothing is certain until then. If one is only 11 then the court should make an order for that child's time to continue.

Is the next hearing a Directions hearing or a final hearing. There is still hope, as at a final hearing, the report writer can be cross examined.

 

[Ash]

I think the biggest argument re the 11 year old is - why change an order that is working well and leave uncertainty and instability for the 11 year old. And that it is a big burden for an 11 year old to choose their own "contact" and have to negotiate between parents. I'll see if I can find some caselaw on that.

 

[Ash]

There's an interesting, if 10 year old, article here. And you can focus on the welfare check list. The child's wishes are only a part of the welfare checklist.

The value of children’s wishes and feelings in court proceedings

When parents can’t agree Cafcass is often involved, preparing a report for the Court; and they will often speak to, or work with the children.

www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk

 

[Ash]

Also you have been doing this alone for a long time. It could be good to consider having a good barrister to represent your partner who may be able to persuade a Judge on points of law.

 

[MagicJ]

Hey @Peanut 21 , you have been a strength for your partner & many on DWK. I'm really sorry to hear in your post the sadness & emotion of where you've arrived at this far into such a difficult journey.

You know well the advice that can be given when we are at a low point, it's worth hearing it from others as a reminder.

@Ash makes good points that Caselaw & Barrister may well nudge the probabilities in the right direction given where you are - is that a possibility?

How much time do you to the next hearing or submission?

If the simple things you already do are not helping with the energy levels on this then, if you can, take time away from having to be on the Merry-go-round for a bit to help to gain much needed rest, mentally & emotionally.

DWK'ers have always been pragmatic in reminding each other, you cannot support your child if you are depleted in your own mental & emotional health

You've both done so much for so long in such a difficult circumstance, if you decide to take a break from fighting no one will do anything other than support you for making a tough decision.

Whatever it is you need going through this next phase, just ask.

 

[Peanut 21]

Thank you for the kind messages.
I'm just going to step back for a bit for a breather.
Will be back soon after I've licked my wounds and rebuilt my strength.