How long roughly does it take to hear from c79 application please?

[henry23]

Ok week 3 of calling my son.
I tried to call at 5pm didn't answer.
Received a text from son I'm in cinema. Replied back thats fine enjoy your film and I will catch up Tuesday 5pm and if this isn't possible to ask mom to email me. (court have stated in a recent letter of my call cannot be made then I can re-arrange when it's convenient for me.)
I couldnt call late that evening due to working and by the time they came out the cinema it would have been late and close to his bedtime which court said not to call near bedtime.

So now...

mom jumped straight on email and laid the law the down to recover my missed call it would have to on certain days and certain times. I already suspected this is because she has to there to listen to call to my time was to strictly call after 6:30pm making out my son now does after school extra curricular activities 5 days a week all of sudden.
Again controlling and causing obstruction between myself and son which is reason why we are back in court. My evidence in court pointed to her doing this.

I called up the school and they are going to confirm tomorrowif my son is doing any of the activities and if he is he certainly isn't doing it till the time the mom is making out! 4:20 school confirmed They live 5 minutes walk from the school.
Surely I can have call at 5pm Tuesday?

So do I
1 keep quiet on my findings comply with what mother says and call 6:30pm record it in my log and make my point to caffcass or court about the level of control still? And lies which always causes obstruction between me and my son.

2 confront the mom pull her up on her lies and with my findings and state school have confirmed time of 4:20 or if he's even doing activities (awaiting confirmation from school tomorrow about second part) remind her that the court have stated if called is missed them father to arrange when it's convenient for himand because she has lied and made up son is busy till 6:30 I will be calling the time that is convenient for me 5pm tuesday.

 

[MagicJ]

Keep your evidence, get everything in writing from the school along with the emails from the EX, show that despite her evidenced obstruction you continued to be a cooperative parent and then in court present it all and ask them to fix the matter such that it is clear to Mum both parents are valuable.

This would be my approach.

 

[KF31]

If the school confirm your son isn’t doing the extra curricular activities, or at least not every day and to the time your ex says I would get it in writing from the school, such as by email so you can use it as evidence. I’d keep your findings to yourself and save it for court.
If you tell your ex your aware your son is not doing the activities she says he is, then she could just purposely go out and find extra curricular activities for him, whether with the school or via a club etc. My partners ex put his daughter in dancing lessons on the day the court ordered interim time during his case and stated to court that it was daughters request to do the lessons. It wasn’t, the ex just wanted to upset the time between daughter and my partner, but the court factored the lessons into the interim time which meant he spent a large portion of his time with her moving her from one dance class to another. If your ex finds out you have evidence that she’s lying and then purposely finds activities for your son to do, it means she’s able to control your time with your son again and also leaves your son doing activities he likely didn’t even want to do in the first place.

 

[henry23]

Hi everyone thanks for your reply.
I contacted the school to confirm my son is doing any after school activities and I've been left hanging with. They don't keep a note and they would need to ask my son themselves. This was yesterday and I've had nothing today.
september I had to fight to get my details down as the father as the mother put it out there i was an estranged father when I actually pick up my son from senior school every other friday.
not sure on my next move now as it seems mother may have things in place to not let me know certain things or my son has told them when asked not to tell me. Either way a follow up from them would have been nice

 

[mikeayo1891]

Hi everyone thanks for your reply.
I contacted the school to confirm my son is doing any after school activities and I've been left hanging with. They don't keep a note and they would need to ask my son themselves. This was yesterday and I've had nothing today.
september I had to fight to get my details down as the father as the mother put it out there i was an estranged father when I actually pick up my son from senior school every other friday.
not sure on my next move now as it seems mother may have things in place to not let me know certain things or my son has told them when asked not to tell me. Either way a follow up from them would have been nice

Instead of this back and forth through email, why don't you physically go to the school and arrange a meeting with his teacher to get comprehensive information about his activities and then as the teacher to send you an email confirming this information?

 

[KF31]

Hi everyone thanks for your reply.
I contacted the school to confirm my son is doing any after school activities and I've been left hanging with. They don't keep a note and they would need to ask my son themselves. This was yesterday and I've had nothing today.
september I had to fight to get my details down as the father as the mother put it out there i was an estranged father when I actually pick up my son from senior school every other friday.
not sure on my next move now as it seems mother may have things in place to not let me know certain things or my son has told them when asked not to tell me. Either way a follow up from them would have been nice

Are these extra curricular activities which are organised and ran by the school? If so then I find it hard to believe that the school does not know what children they have doing what activities. They surely can’t expect you to believe that? I would imagine a lot of afterschool activities will only be made available to a certain number of children at a time to keep the right staff to child ratios, therefore they must keep records to know what spaces they have available. They would also surely have to keep a register of what children they have in their care, whether it be in the normal school day or during extra curricular activities. If they didn’t I would find that a huge safeguarding risk. What if the activity is indoors and god forbid there was a fire, how would they know they had everyone out if they didn’t keep a register of which children were in their care? I would imagine it’s a basic Ofsted requirement just as it is with a register through the normal school day. They shouldn’t need to ask your child what activities he’s done, it’s their responsibility to know what children are in their care at all times.

 

[henry23]

Are these extra curricular activities which are organised and ran by the school? If so then I find it hard to believe that the school does not know what children they have doing what activities. They surely can’t expect you to believe that? I would imagine a lot of afterschool activities will only be made available to a certain number of children at a time to keep the right staff to child ratios, therefore they must keep records to know what spaces they have available. They would also surely have to keep a register of what children they have in their care, whether it be in the normal school day or during extra curricular activities. If they didn’t I would find that a huge safeguarding risk. What if the activity is indoors and god forbid there was a fire, how would they know they had everyone out if they didn’t keep a register of which children were in their care? I would imagine it’s a basic Ofsted requirement just as it is with a register through the normal school day. They shouldn’t need to ask your child what activities he’s done, it’s their responsibility to know what children are in their care at all times.

My thoughts exactly as Its a good school so positive measures are being met. Which tells me I'm being stalled. As mentioned before I had to prove I had parental responsibility just to get put down as emergency contact and receive letters and be on the app where I can see homework and detentions as the mother had told them I was estranged father and god knows what other lies. It's just the typical the father is the bad guy and the mother innocent and they go with what the mother tells them.

 

[henry23]

Instead of this back and forth through email, why don't you physically go to the school and arrange a meeting with his teacher to get comprehensive information about his activities and then as the teacher to send you an email confirming this information?

I honestly thought it would be simple and receive a quick answer. But your correct I need to book and head down the school. I received reply today to say they are super busy and he needs to speak to my son.

 

[henry23]

Just a quick update.
School have proven my son only attends 1 after school extra curricular so the mother was making it difficult to call my son in the week after missed Saturday call.

I had my call Saturday son mentioned i was causing drama for asking the school so they must have approached him or the mother informing them I enquired as I haven't mentioned a thing to either mother or son about my findings.

I simply told my son yes I did ask school but it's nothing for him to worry about its a parent/adult matter and all he has to do carty on telling me about all the wonderful things he's been up to and achieving. I know the mom told him to have that out with me.

 

[henry23]

My ex handed in her reply statement (is it position statement) on the day of our direction hearing along with some evidence.
I've emailed courts asking and all I received from them was an email from her to them asking for extended time and to move the court date which they denied.
I'm confused so I need to wait for caffcass report then I see what she handed in that day? She's seen mine I ideally wanted to see it before our cafcass meetings.

 

[henry23]

Ok. I addressed my ex with an email concerning our son having to lie and fabricate for the moms lies. I was very polite asked her to stop still coming between mine and my sons conversations.
I was going to just sit gather my evidence but august is a long time and I felt I needed to ask the mom to stop what she is doing making our son pretend he is doing extra curricular a rubies that he isnt. I could also see the strain it was having on him.
So now after 1 email I'm harassing her. She has set up a parenting app and I responded with.

Good afternoon, as requested, I downloaded the app. while researching this app, I discovered that it has a video call feature. My question to you is, would it be possible to make a video call using this app to video call *****? I haven't seen her in person for months and thought this would be beneficial to both of us.

Thank you for showing me this app, it is a very positive move from you.

I'm always this polite. And this is what she replied with. It seems she's trying to go down the harassment route since getting her legal representative.

I want to now attach my email I sent that she is telling lies about I've never sent any harassing emails.
What do I say back to such lies?

 

[DB2021]

Ok. I addressed my ex with an email concerning our son having to lie and fabricate for the moms lies. I was very polite asked her to stop still coming between mine and my sons conversations.
I was going to just sit gather my evidence but august is a long time and I felt I needed to ask the mom to stop what she is doing making our son pretend he is doing extra curricular a rubies that he isnt. I could also see the strain it was having on him.
So now after 1 email I'm harassing her. She has set up a parenting app and I responded with.

Good afternoon, as requested, I downloaded the app. while researching this app, I discovered that it has a video call feature. My question to you is, would it be possible to make a video call using this app to video call *****? I haven't seen her in person for months and thought this would be beneficial to both of us.

Thank you for showing me this app, it is a very positive move from you.

I'm always this polite. And this is what she replied with. It seems she's trying to go down the harassment route since getting her legal representative.

I want to now attach my email I sent that she is telling lies about I've never sent any harassing emails.
What do I say back to such lies?

 

[henry23]

Hi there was no reply.

 

[DB2021]

Hi Henry.

I would advise you don’t email ex anymore other than about child arrangements etc, whilst you may not have said anything wrong in the email any email other than about child arrangements can and will be used against you. You need to very careful otherwise she could apply for an NMO and that’s not something you want hanging over you as it can delay things for a very long time.

Just keep a record of everything and build up evidence that’s your best strategy emailing ex saying please stop won’t make any difference other than give her ammunition to use against you.

The system is weighted heavily for mothers and as fathers we have to be whiter than white otherwise things can go very badly.

The app is a good idea but use it only for talking about your little one/s don’t send anything else about what you think she is doing it won’t help you at all.

The mantra for dads is keep it child focused at all times and don’t sling anything about mum as Cafcass will just claim conflict between parents and you will end up with nothing. Mums can say whatever they like about us and get away with it dads get vilified if we dare bad mouth mum that’s the system we’re fighting.

Keep going stay strong and focus on gathering evidence whilst giving ex nothing to use against you

 

[henry23]

Hi Henry.

I would advise you don’t email ex anymore other than about child arrangements etc, whilst you may not have said anything wrong in the email any email other than about child arrangements can and will be used against you. You need to very careful otherwise she could apply for an NMO and that’s not something you want hanging over you as it can delay things for a very long time.

Just keep a record of everything and build up evidence that’s your best strategy emailing ex saying please stop won’t make any difference other than give her ammunition to use against you.

The system is weighted heavily for mothers and as fathers we have to be whiter than white otherwise things can go very badly.

The app is a good idea but use it only for talking about your little one/s don’t send anything else about what you think she is doing it won’t help you at all.

The mantra for dads is keep it child focused at all times and don’t sling anything about mum as Cafcass will just claim conflict between parents and you will end up with nothing. Mums can say whatever they like about us and get away with it dads get vilified if we dare bad mouth mum that’s the system we’re fighting.

Keep going stay strong and focus on gathering evidence whilst giving ex nothing to use against you

Yes your correct it's seems oral evidence is good enough when it come to mum from what I have been reading on hear.
 they are going to talk to my son so I'm hoping that meeting they will be able to determine the moms been influencing him.

 

[DB2021]

Yes your correct it's seems oral evidence is good enough when it come to mum from what I have been reading on hear.
 they are going to talk to my son so I'm hoping that meeting they will be able to determine the moms been influencing him.

It will be difficult for your son if he is being influenced by mum and she will prepare him for the meeting and they usually see the child with mum present depending on age I think.

But hopefully you get a good Cafcass officer who can spot it.

Just don’t be to down heartend if you get a bad report it happens very regularly if mum makes lots of accusations.

Just be calm refute them with something like “I don’t know why she’s saying that I think she may be angry because of the break up” and go back to focusing on your son.

Cafcass reports can be undermined easily at court with a good barrister.

It’s a long road but you will get there and make sure you take time for yourself away from it all, look after yourself first and foremost it will help no end on this journey.

And don’t do anything else I.e reply to ex without getting advice on here first the lads and partners on here have been a god send with advice it’s invaluable and will put you in the strongest position and leave ex with no where to go

 

[henry23]

Firstly my son has always been a polite lovely boy in school junior school always stated this and coped with his work even some well in his sats.

just read his school report that was emailed to me and I'm speechless.
Recently I have noticed so many detentions issued and they are a mixture of not having equipment, homework not being handed in but my main concern is the level of rudeness my son is showing to the teachers.
He has adapted the victim speech to make you feel your doing wrongand his mother does the same when she is pretending to be my son when texting me. (his mom listensin our conversations then simply texts back minutes after my call with son pretending to be son slagging me with andturning everything into a negative so she can have her say put make out it's my son) It always goes along the you are stressing me out and I don't feel comfortable making me cry etc... A teacher gave him detention for being rude in class shooting out and she mentions he responded in a similar way to her and added you don't like me why are you picking on me.
In the past when I have approached my cornerns about my son to the mother her response is always stop harassing me. Makes me feel bad for caring and trying to co-co-parent with a narc.

His school work is suffering his level is below expected age.

The response I got back from my son (text) when I expressed my concern was its my fault and it my behavior and it's nothing to do with his mom (I never put blame on anyone only expressed my concern) but it sounds like the mother I know how the mother types and she always put her dots a space after the word.

Can this thing happen a child's schooling can go down hill? If so how in what way? I haven't seen my son since November.

 

[Chi22]

I was reading this article earlier today in relation to my own case.

How to Recognize If a Child Is Being Emotionally Abused

Emotional child abuse can include constant criticism, verbal abuse, bullying, and more. Learn the signs of emotional abuse and the impact that it has.

www.verywellfamily.com

There are two issues. The first is that your ex is not adequately supporting your son's eduaction, the lack of homework and equipment reinforces that.

The second is that declining performance at school csn be evidence of emotional abuse - see the above article and search for 'school' on the page.

This is the point at which the court can ask the local authority to make an assessmen perhaps (Section 37).

 

[henry23]

Hi chi22 thanks I will take a look.
They currently are doing a section 7 on her as they already suspect from my evidence that manipulation is going on in turning my son against me. But from readingmost experiances on here I have no faith in cafcass.

 

[Chi22]

I wouldn't be completely negative.

If they suspect manipulation is ongoing, that's a considerable part of the battle won.