I have already told her I will be reopening mediation proceedings, she said she will not be attending any further mediation sessions as her words "it didn't go my way" when we had a session in September. Doesn't the mediation service have to invite her anyway? So she will be notified regardless right?
Guest viewing is limited
- You have a limited number of page views remaining
- 2 guest views remaining
- Register now to remove this limitation
Hair strand test
- Thread starter algregor
- Start date
If you:
reported your alcohol consumption accurately
abstain from now
file for mediation
get an accurate test result, no complicating factors
You should be fine. The court can only order if you agree. Refusal is suspect though. It could easily be a couple of months before the hearing, probably more. The testing does not happen the day after either.
reported your alcohol consumption accurately
abstain from now
file for mediation
get an accurate test result, no complicating factors
You should be fine. The court can only order if you agree. Refusal is suspect though. It could easily be a couple of months before the hearing, probably more. The testing does not happen the day after either.
So as long as I abstain from now. It should give me enough time to give a negative test result?
Thing is, I have a feeling she will just say "what's to say he's just stopped for now and will restart straight after"
Ok, so nobody has submitted a C100 to court to start proceedings? You need to do this asap and try and push it through as an urgent order to speed up proceedings. Get your solicitor to request it be dealt with urgently on grounds of safeguarding. Basically, she is stopping your son from seeing you which is damaging for him. Especially as she is not letting you see him for even a second. It’s basically urgent so hopefully will get accepted. Mine didn’t bit was then reassessed and it did speed it up a bit. I submitted C100 in March and had first hearing in June so 3 months is probably a window to work to if it’s not accepted as urgent. And then in the meantime don’t drink at all. It’s it’s 3 months and you don’t drink at all you will have nonissues whatsoever! Like I said even if the odd binge pops up you was away with friends etc etc. it’s not illegal to get drunk!! What they are looking for is chronic excessive use. Do a PeTH test for just the final month as well if you want peace of mind. I would also get your barrister to say that if she wants you to have a hair test that she pays for it. Sometimes this might result in her accepting a Peth rest only which if you have one in the locker! Then boom it speeds up the process yet again. Just get your barrister to provide it. Providing one might be enough for the judge anyway! An alcoholic would fail a Peth test
. If nobody has submitted anything you might also want to submit a C1A form against your ex for emotional and psychological abuse against you. Stopping you from seeing your child is exactly that!! Again backed up with the above Peth test results it could really be a game changer for you.
Does that make sense?
yes you will have a negative result, by the time it gets to court- the court won't be interested in your past consumption as much as your present consumption and will be impressed that you have stopped drinking for the sake of your child. So stop drinking entirely, every time you reach for a drink, remember why you have stopped, you will feel better, feel healthier, have more energy, better mental health, your fitness will return and your wallet will be heavier !
Also, if you havnt done mediation then you need to attempt this first. However, not seeing your child at all I’m pretty sure you could say mediation is going to fail and get the form you need to file the C1A
If that’s the case then ring the mediators tell them it’s not working. Your not seeing your son and get the form you need to submit the C1A
Yes my Peth test was ordered for 3 weeks after my hearing so you have from now until then. Loads of time so don’t worry about alcohol if you stop now
Thanks chaps. Have already contacted mediation and they have stated that as it was over 4 months ago that our case was closed they have to start from fresh. So I guess it will look even worse if she refuses to go. But it's the first step I have to take anyway in the court proceedings. I can't apply to court before starting mediation.
Also, not sure if she has taken any steps about court proceedings, I can't imagine she won't have, he family are millionaires, another thing I worry about via legal proceedings, she will be able to afford the best solicitor barrister etc.
Also, not sure if she has taken any steps about court proceedings, I can't imagine she won't have, he family are millionaires, another thing I worry about via legal proceedings, she will be able to afford the best solicitor barrister etc.
That’s good mate! Get the process started again. Like you say she won’t turn up and you will get that form you need for C100.
I was in same boat as you. Exs family are millionaires and they abused that by submitting a part 25 which costs a load!! They kept trying to kill me off with letter after letter from solicitors. So my advise would be is don’t let solicitors letters become a financial strain. Don’t feel like you have to respond to everything. Don’t get pulled into a coat war as well. I will be honest I did! Only to realise it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. I do absolutely suggest a decent barrister for final hearing very minimum. From what I experienced a good barrister is a good barrister, I can recommend somebody if you are in the midlands who was phenomenal. Hopefully you will get to the final hearing quick so the costings don’t spiral more and more. You could represent yourself but with then having money I wouldn’t recommend. Just to give you a tofu idea of my situation costing wise, it cost me just over 41K!! I had to sell my car, my van, belongings, max credit cards, spend all savings, move back to parents… i would do in again in a heart beat! I would have sold my kidney if I had to!! Don’t let their money put you off! Just do what ever you need to do for that little one
Wow! How did your case come to £41k in the end?! That seems very expensive! Is that the usual cost overall for most cases?That’s good mate! Get the process started again. Like you say she won’t turn up and you will get that form you need for C100.
I was in same boat as you. Exs family are millionaires and they abused that by submitting a part 25 which costs a load!! They kept trying to kill me off with letter after letter from solicitors. So my advise would be is don’t let solicitors letters become a financial strain. Don’t feel like you have to respond to everything. Don’t get pulled into a coat war as well. I will be honest I did! Only to realise it wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. I do absolutely suggest a decent barrister for final hearing very minimum. From what I experienced a good barrister is a good barrister, I can recommend somebody if you are in the midlands who was phenomenal. Hopefully you will get to the final hearing quick so the costings don’t spiral more and more. You could represent yourself but with then having money I wouldn’t recommend. Just to give you a tofu idea of my situation costing wise, it cost me just over 41K!! I had to sell my car, my van, belongings, max credit cards, spend all savings, move back to parents… i would do in again in a heart beat! I would have sold my kidney if I had to!! Don’t let their money put you off! Just do what ever you need to do for that little one
Sadly I got pulled into a very expensive exchange between solicitors. Every other day I was getting a letter from the other side. Wish I knew what I know now and I woundnt have responded! Barristers fees soon mounted up as well. I have heard of people spending more that :-(
It is not unusual for 6 figure sums to get eaten up through this process. Solicitors are the killer. Save your money for the barrister if things are gonna get tight.
Yes exactly that! Save your money for barristers and just do what is absolutely necessary with solicitors!
check the exemption list thoroughly, if you cant just get a MAIM signed off, you can head straight for C100 and your ex won't know about it, so won't have time to throw the false allegations.
Thanks. I am also going to get a hair strand test done privately now for my own peace of mind to see if it will come back negative or not. Just so I know what to deal with. Based on my previous posts of how much I think I've consumed in the past 3 months, do you think it will just show under the moderate/responsible drinking tier? Proper nervous about the result. But need to know what my actions will be as she keeps pushing for it.
I would consider getting somebody else to submit the hair sample as though it were their own.
could end up as an expensive fail, understand how these tests work and you don't know that the court will order testing, or exactly what they will order. So be clear,, how much are you drinking ? be honest, no-one judging you on here and as a health professional I know all too well that we tend to minimise. So, pretend you're in a pub doing a bragging contest with some drunk teenagers,,,, how much and exactly what do you drink? volume, time frame and frequency.
There are 2 alcohol misuse types - binge drinking ( drink once a week , but drinks until falls asleep sort of thing) and chronic drinking ( drinks most nights, but just enough to be "relaxed"), both of these types can stop suddenly, albeit for short periods.
The dangerous 3rd type - is alcohol dependence - stopping drinking is dangerous, causes withdrawal effects and can be life threatening, this is so well recognised, that there is a severity scale we use in medicine, the police medic will use it to see if they need to medicate you in custody , for example.
Google CIWA- Clinical institute of withdrawal of alcohol scale
Also , GP uses Audit C - a self questionnaire, to determine if you are a problem drinker - but this can be downloaded, you can use it to assess yourself, and you don't need to tell anyone the results.
In my 3 decade experience of alcohol misuse - the drinker is ashamed of themselves, to the point they just can't even admit to themselves that they have a problem
I'm not saying you are a drinker - but my advice - dont test - just abstain, and wait to see if and what the court orders for testing.
There are 2 alcohol misuse types - binge drinking ( drink once a week , but drinks until falls asleep sort of thing) and chronic drinking ( drinks most nights, but just enough to be "relaxed"), both of these types can stop suddenly, albeit for short periods.
The dangerous 3rd type - is alcohol dependence - stopping drinking is dangerous, causes withdrawal effects and can be life threatening, this is so well recognised, that there is a severity scale we use in medicine, the police medic will use it to see if they need to medicate you in custody , for example.
Google CIWA- Clinical institute of withdrawal of alcohol scale
Also , GP uses Audit C - a self questionnaire, to determine if you are a problem drinker - but this can be downloaded, you can use it to assess yourself, and you don't need to tell anyone the results.
In my 3 decade experience of alcohol misuse - the drinker is ashamed of themselves, to the point they just can't even admit to themselves that they have a problem
I'm not saying you are a drinker - but my advice - dont test - just abstain, and wait to see if and what the court orders for testing.