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False Allegations, Parental alienation and Family court

J

Jase896

Well-known member
Member
Hello Eveyone,

I am new here and would like to share my story as I have recently been caught up in a storm that never needed to happen.

On January 1st 2024 my ex partner ended our relationship of 5 and half years together, We have a 3 year old daughter together and she is currently pregnant with our second child. On that night I was beat and kicked by my ex partner which resulted in a black eye and my phone was smashed up and sim card snapped. Police report was filed with no action was taken. I was then kicked out of the family home.

2 days after leaving me she moved our daughter out of her nursery and moved her to a new one without telling me which nursery she is at and has not put me down as a registered parent for our daughter. She then set up CMS payments on the same day she moved our daughters nursery.

On January 10th I was asked to go round to the house to discuss what we can do to try and move forward and that night I stayed the night and we had sex. The next day she messaged me asking me ' If I was sleeping with her again that night '

Between January and February I saw our daughter for a maximum of 5 hours in which one of my 1 hour allocated slots I was forced to empty my pockets by my ex partners mother, I was then told to sit on the floor and for half an hour I was berated by her in front of my daughter with comments like ' I am not fit to raise a family ' and that my parents did a shit job of raising me. On January 28th both my ex partner and her mother messaged me asking me for money for Rent in a house I hadn't lived in for a month, Money for nursery at a nursery I don't know anything about and money towards our daughter for food, nappies and clothes and that if i wasn't going to give her any money she will have to take out another credit card otherwise she would be placed into debt. Because of my love and care for our daughter I sent over £1000 which is documented. She has told me that we could be a family again, if I change all my contact details and never speak to my family again on numerous occasions, So to basically change my entire life or never see my children.

On the night that she left the relationship she told me that our daughter wasn't mine and that it was someone that she had an affair with during our relationship, stayed out on multiple occasions over night and never saw a problem with it. So naturally I requested a DNA test through the CMS and the day she received the request from the CMS she flipped and sent me a rather horrible email stating that me and my family are all perverts, paedophiles and incestuous and that our daughter has a sex offender as a father! The next day I was arrested on suspicion of 1 count of rape, 1 count of financial exploitation, 1 count of controlling and coercive behaviour and 1 count of common assault. All these allegations are completely false and I fear that her role as a Probation Officer in the justice sector is giving her all the tools and knowledge to pursue her plan of expelling me from our children's life. I was interviewed and released on bail but this has made the process in family court come to a stand still as they cannot move forward until the police investigation is over. I have a family solicitor but struggling to find a suitable criminal defence solicitor due to the costs.

Since I was arrested I have had zero contact with my daughter, She has cancelled the CMS case she set up, I opened a new CMS case in which is she has refused to accept stating she doesn't need my money and does not want anything to do with me and our daughter does not need me as she has her mum who actually cares, She has cancelled out daughters football that me and her did and that I paid for, She has closed our daughters savings account that we opened when she was born and I have no idea what she has done with the money, She has taken my belongings from the house and placed them at her mums house knowing full well I cannot pick them up due to the bail conditions that are in place. I am very concerned that I am being alienated and expelled from my daughters life and I have no way of telling my daughter that I haven't given up on her or abandoned her and that I love her and I am fighting my hardest for her! By the time I may eventually see her, she is going to be a completely different person and I am going to be a stranger to her and I do not even know how the pregnancy is going of my other child.

This has all been very calculated from me Ex partner and it is pain staking that no one in a professional capacity can see this, I am being supported by a men's domestic abuse charity and NHS counsellor's for my mental health issues I am experiencing but nothing is helping me with the pain that is being caused by being away from my daughter.

I am sorry it is all very long winded but I am struggling and needed to get it of my chest

Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far
 
Jase896 said:
Hello Eveyone,

I am new here and would like to share my story as I have recently been caught up in a storm that never needed to happen.

On January 1st 2024 my ex partner ended our relationship of 5 and half years together, We have a 3 year old daughter together and she is currently pregnant with our second child. On that night I was beat and kicked by my ex partner which resulted in a black eye and my phone was smashed up and sim card snapped. Police report was filed with no action was taken. I was then kicked out of the family home.

2 days after leaving me she moved our daughter out of her nursery and moved her to a new one without telling me which nursery she is at and has not put me down as a registered parent for our daughter. She then set up CMS payments on the same day she moved our daughters nursery.

On January 10th I was asked to go round to the house to discuss what we can do to try and move forward and that night I stayed the night and we had sex. The next day she messaged me asking me ' If I was sleeping with her again that night '

Between January and February I saw our daughter for a maximum of 5 hours in which one of my 1 hour allocated slots I was forced to empty my pockets by my ex partners mother, I was then told to sit on the floor and for half an hour I was berated by her in front of my daughter with comments like ' I am not fit to raise a family ' and that my parents did a shit job of raising me. On January 28th both my ex partner and her mother messaged me asking me for money for Rent in a house I hadn't lived in for a month, Money for nursery at a nursery I don't know anything about and money towards our daughter for food, nappies and clothes and that if i wasn't going to give her any money she will have to take out another credit card otherwise she would be placed into debt. Because of my love and care for our daughter I sent over £1000 which is documented. She has told me that we could be a family again, if I change all my contact details and never speak to my family again on numerous occasions, So to basically change my entire life or never see my children.

On the night that she left the relationship she told me that our daughter wasn't mine and that it was someone that she had an affair with during our relationship, stayed out on multiple occasions over night and never saw a problem with it. So naturally I requested a DNA test through the CMS and the day she received the request from the CMS she flipped and sent me a rather horrible email stating that me and my family are all perverts, paedophiles and incestuous and that our daughter has a sex offender as a father! The next day I was arrested on suspicion of 1 count of rape, 1 count of financial exploitation, 1 count of controlling and coercive behaviour and 1 count of common assault. All these allegations are completely false and I fear that her role as a Probation Officer in the justice sector is giving her all the tools and knowledge to pursue her plan of expelling me from our children's life. I was interviewed and released on bail but this has made the process in family court come to a stand still as they cannot move forward until the police investigation is over. I have a family solicitor but struggling to find a suitable criminal defence solicitor due to the costs.

Since I was arrested I have had zero contact with my daughter, She has cancelled the CMS case she set up, I opened a new CMS case in which is she has refused to accept stating she doesn't need my money and does not want anything to do with me and our daughter does not need me as she has her mum who actually cares, She has cancelled out daughters football that me and her did and that I paid for, She has closed our daughters savings account that we opened when she was born and I have no idea what she has done with the money, She has taken my belongings from the house and placed them at her mums house knowing full well I cannot pick them up due to the bail conditions that are in place. I am very concerned that I am being alienated and expelled from my daughters life and I have no way of telling my daughter that I haven't given up on her or abandoned her and that I love her and I am fighting my hardest for her! By the time I may eventually see her, she is going to be a completely different person and I am going to be a stranger to her and I do not even know how the pregnancy is going of my other child.

This has all been very calculated from me Ex partner and it is pain staking that no one in a professional capacity can see this, I am being supported by a men's domestic abuse charity and NHS counsellor's for my mental health issues I am experiencing but nothing is helping me with the pain that is being caused by being away from my daughter.

I am sorry it is all very long winded but I am struggling and needed to get it of my chest

Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far
Click to expand...

welcome to the forum, unfortunately when a man makes a claim they instantly presume "he must have done something" they cannot comprehend that a woman may be the aggressor, (generally speaking)

I understand how you feel about screaming about professionals, I showed about 50 people my evidence, each one could tell 4 lines in that my daughter hadnt wrote any of the statements against me.

the judge though,......... she said "shes wrote such a heartfelt Statement and we must take her words into account"

I dont know what to say apart from offer my support my friend x

edited to add : all my ex had to do was muddy the water , she literally needed zero evidence, and authority panicked and supported her.
 
Welcome to the forum @Jase896, sorry to hear about your traumatic events - yet another horrible story that seem so common on this forum. Firstly I'd say your ex sounds totally toxic, devious and coldly calculating - you are better off without her controlling your life. Sadly, you are in for a long, grinding process if you intend to fight for your daughter. You will come to see this process as a set of hoops and hurdles that must be jumped through and dealt with. Take one day at a time. Your ultimate goal is to get a child arrangements order, but to do this you'll need to deal with the ongoing police case - others with more experience of this will advise. Keep coming back to the forum and ask questions, there are loads of good people who will share their knowledge.
 
All I wanted to do was see my daughter, and now I’m going to be in for the long haul but I refuse to give up on her or my unborn child as they are the lights of my life and I’ll never stop fighting for them no matter how hard she makes this.

It is very evident to everyone (apart from the professionals) that she is using her position in the probation service to get what she wants and is manipulating the system to her own advantage.

I am currently in talks with SWACA in regards to myself being the victim of domestic abuse and they are brilliant but it always seems to be like talking to a brick wall when it comes to a man being abused. The NHS have diagnosed me with depression and are closely monitoring me as all of this has had a massive adverse effect on me and neither the police nor courts seem to care about the affect these proceedings have on men and the long term effects it will have.

Thank you all for your comments
 
Hey,

Sorry to hear your story. If she has no proof, her allagations will be refused charge unfortunately investigations take time and police need to investigate all allagations.
Show them the texts and they will also see you have been a victim of domestic abuse.

When you get to family court, apply if not before for your free legal aid. Ask for a letter from SWACA. You also can use the police report filed when you ended up with your black eye.

From now on keep any contact on from your side civil. Dont react if she is looking for an argument (all will and can be used in family court). Chances are she started the alligations with police when you get to family court it will result in a fact find.

Very few domestic abuse cases end in conviction from Police. I would start building your own family court case now however even though it may take a long time.

Best of luck
 
Welcome @Jase896
It's positive you've made steps to see a DA organisation and you're getting help for your mental health.
Your ex and her mother sound like they have an extremely dysfunctional dynamic.
It also sounds like whoever may have been in a relationship with your ex would also be abused. They sound like dreadful women with severe issues.
It's a slow process but it's great you're making the steps to get the process going.
Do you have all the exs threats and nasty statements in writing?
 
mainstay92 said:
Hey,

Sorry to hear your story. If she has no proof, her allagations will be refused charge unfortunately investigations take time and police need to investigate all allagations.
Show them the texts and they will also see you have been a victim of domestic abuse.

When you get to family court, apply if not before for your free legal aid. Ask for a letter from SWACA. You also can use the police report filed when you ended up with your black eye.

From now on keep any contact on from your side civil. Dont react if she is looking for an argument (all will and can be used in family court). Chances are she started the alligations with police when you get to family court it will result in a fact find.

Very few domestic abuse cases end in conviction from Police. I would start building your own family court case now however even though it may take a long time.

Best of luck
Click to expand...
Hello,

I am at my wits end with the police investigation looming over my head every day, the longer it takes the more and more anxious and depressed I get and that doesnt even include the whole family court process! I am awaiting the report from CAFCASS and I am not hopeful as everything always seems to side with the mothe.

I am slowly building up my case and I am relogging my report with the police now after speaking to them this morning. I have tried for legal aid but I earn to much money to get any support with is a pain. I hate that it takes so long for family courts to come to a decision as I know my ex partner is going to drag this out as much as she can.

Thank you
 
Peanut 21 said:
Welcome @Jase896
It's positive you've made steps to see a DA organisation and you're getting help for your mental health.
Your ex and her mother sound like they have an extremely dysfunctional dynamic.
It also sounds like whoever may have been in a relationship with your ex would also be abused. They sound like dreadful women with severe issues.
It's a slow process but it's great you're making the steps to get the process going.
Do you have all the exs threats and nasty statements in writing?
Click to expand...
Hello,

My ex partner and her mum have always gotten there own way in every aspect of their life and it is either their way or no way unfortunately. I dont want to get to court and it to turn into a mud slinging match between me and my ex as our daughter isnt some trophy, she is a human being with rights that have been taken away from her and all i want to do is put things right.

I screen shotted every single conversation we had and saved every single email, so I have all the proof of everything she has accused me off.

Thank you
 
Found out after a lot of digging that my reports of domestic abuse got bounced between two different police forces and closed with no communication, the one I submitted the day before I was wrongly arrested could of served to assist my proof of innocence but instead was ignored. This has had a detrimental effect on the ability for the courts to allow interim contact with my daughter whilst the court case is proceeding and I feel massively let down but the system as whole, I feel like being a man means we are always going to treated as second class citizens in matters like this. Any advice on how to move forward with this news?
 
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