Dispute Resolution Appointment On 16th November

[Majsvibe]

Hello everyone!

i’ve been self representing in family Court, Manchester, where I experienced extremely biased judge who is given everything in the direction of the mother. We share two sons, one, five in November 30th and the other son who is 18 month old, have yet to meet and found out through CMS.

How was the main carer for my eldest son which included everything, including potty training and sleep training. Only thing I didn’t do was breastfeeding. I had a beautiful bond with my elder son unfortunately due to his mothers need to control every element of life have not seen him since 31 December 2021.

After separation, I had six unsupervised contacts from 9 am to 6 pm, where I travelled 120 miles once a fortnight to see our eldest son.

I was forced to apply to family courts as a mother said this was the only option to gain contact. During this horrible procedure fact of finding went against me, but clearly stated mother wasn’t promoting contact and belittling me as a main parent by calling my care as standard.

Cafcass interview went okay, but with the actual section 7, I feel like I had a complete different interview which is exciting with the mother. Mothers position statement states she agrees with Cafcass to have in direct contact six times a year. I currently have in direct contact once a month and I have no direct safeguarding concerns with my children, but however, I do have safeguarding concerns towards some other according to court.

I’m genuinely feeling very disheartened and my confidence is very low with Cafcass report section 7, and fact of finding going against me, also, as I was self representing I wasn’t given any room to talk or explain.

I have been led to this forum by a friend, who explained the Admins had helped him very much and could possibly help me into possibly achieving direct contact.

The 30 mile distance between mother and myself. My realistic contacts long-term is once a fortnight Friday pick up from school and Sunday 6 pm drop-off. With a mid week contact pick up from school and drop off. Half school holidays and alternative days for Eid celebration +1 week holiday out of the country. Father’s Day with myself and alternative birthdays.

Can anyone help me could be highly appreciative of any help, as I have caught in approximately 1 1/2 weeks and I’m self representing.

Thank you

 

[Ash]

Hi and welcome. It sounds like you're quite far down the road in the court process if you've had a fact find and a section 7. It's very tough not seeing much of your son and seems harsh to go from time for a full day to indirect contact only. What reasons did Cafcass give for this?

I'm guessing your next hearing is a final hearing? Or have you finished the process and been left with indirect only?

Assuming you have a final hearing still to go, there is one option that may turn things about and that is having the Cafcass officer cross examined at the final hearing, to undermine their report and show it is flawed. Otherwise, the Judge is highly likely to order what Cafcass has recommended.

Did Cafcass say there was conflict between parents? That is sometimes when they decide that, to avoid the conflict impacting the child, they leave the child with one parent and indirect only with the other. Even if only one parent is causing the conflict.

I'll wait to see if you have another hearing coming up before suggesting anything.

The second child you've only just found out about - is this with the same Mother?

 

[Majsvibe]

Hello Ash, thank you the reply. It’s honestly been a extremely difficult process for me especially with my eldest son possibly having autism. I think he might be high functioning as he is very smart. He is obsessed with the letters are numbers. Not being a part of this process has been extremely difficult for me as a father to sit back and not being able to father the children that I gave life to.

Mother has expressed to Cafcass that there should be no contact as she has no confidence in my ability to look after them, even though I was a full-time carer with no safeguarding concerns at the time and no safeguarding concerns after separation when I had contact with him six times before the non-mol came into place.

She has mentioned I should pay for contact centre and full payment should be on my head which is positive as I don’t mind being in a contact centre to s start off with, but I do want stepped contact leading to direct contact one day regardless of how long to maybe. I am desperate to meet the son who have not met, yet only seen awful pictures of him due to once a month indirect contact.

This is a hearing speech, and then I’m going to have a final hearing from what I know. Honestly, there’s a lot of allegations made by the mother the main one being her, showing a video to Cafcass with me, telling the mother off due to a disagreement about sleep training arrangements. I was the mother in this scenario and I will sleep training him who is a great success and the mother would do as she pleases, and we had a disagreement which I have openly admitted on my statement.

Yeah, probably best reading my fact-finding report, section 7 and mothers statement?

 

[Majsvibe]

I did trigger the non-moleststation order back in February 2021 but since then everything has been plain sailing by mother has said that I have directly messaged her in the in direct contact which was very simple as in hello. How are you? I hope you’re all doing well? Therefore is blown out of proportion. And mother has also requested the judge to apply a section 91, and stop me from Further replying to court.

 

[Majsvibe]

I think it’s ridiculous having in direct contact once a month to once every two months, therefore having six in direct contacts a year! I simply can’t accept it and agree with the decision, regardless of what the judge gives. I’m close to the two-year mark without seeing my eldest son.

If section 91 is applied, I will have no choice but to continue life and forget I’m a father.

 

[Jumper85]

Hi Majsvibe,

Sorry to read of your situation, I’m actually in the same court on the same day for my DRA but my circumstances are quite different to yours so I’m not sure I would be of much help.

What I would say is do not give up. Keep positive and you’ve referenced baby steps in seeing your son and maybe this is how you achieve your goal? I’ve read elsewhere that a represented Dad ultimately achieved his end goal by agreeing the Mums demands on number of contacts but it was built into the arrangement that should there be no issues this can progressively build to a desired number Dad was looking to achieve.

Keep going buddy.

 

[Peanut 21]

Welcome @Majsvibe
The court process is so stressful. Having someone look into every detail of your life and question your ability as a parent is horrible.
I hope you can progress soon with seeing your son and possibly the son you're yet to meet.

 

[Majsvibe]

Hi Majsvibe,

Sorry to read of your situation, I’m actually in the same court on the same day for my DRA but my circumstances are quite different to yours so I’m not sure I would be of much help.

What I would say is do not give up. Keep positive and you’ve referenced baby steps in seeing your son and maybe this is how you achieve your goal? I’ve read elsewhere that a represented Dad ultimately achieved his end goal by agreeing the Mums demands on number of contacts but it was built into the arrangement that should there be no issues this can progressively build to a desired number Dad was looking to achieve.

Keep going buddy.

Hello mate, don’t mind meeting up if you like it’s always nice talking to fathers who are in a similar boat.

I’ll be honest the process has been biased and has very little regard for fathers, regardless of how or what impact in the middle of the young child. I’m going in with zero expectations and hope to at least get contact at the community centre.

Sad to tell you guys the truth but after two years of being bashed around by courts it hard to be positive. Am going into court with a man who’s got nothing to lose.

Contact centre is my aim with stepped contact.

 

[Majsvibe]

Welcome @Majsvibe
The court process is so stressful. Having someone look into every detail of your life and question your ability as a parent is horrible.
I hope you can progress soon with seeing your son and possibly the son you're yet to meet.

Unfortunately me being there for my son being the main carer doesn’t count as much these days. Am not bothered about the accusations tbh. I assumed eventually I’d get to see my children but father has zero rights.

Am going to ask court to make this the final hearing. Worst come to worse I can come terms with things sooner and continue on my journey of life.

 

[Ash]

So it's a DRA after the Section 7 report and then a final hearing? Have you been asked to submit a position statement responding to the Section 7?

Don't give up and I wouldn't ask for the next hearing to be a final hearing. The final hearing is where you get a chance to get the best order possible and can submit a full statement and evidence/exhibits and show you're a good Dad. Keeping it very child focused and sounding positive about co parenting at a distance via an app eg. It's also an opportunity to get a Cafcass report undermined so a greater chance of a progressing order.

Who took out the NMO? You or your ex?

 

[Majsvibe]

So it's a DRA after the Section 7 report and then a final hearing? Have you been asked to submit a position statement responding to the Section 7?

Don't give up and I wouldn't ask for the next hearing to be a final hearing. The final hearing is where you get a chance to get the best order possible and can submit a full statement and evidence/exhibits and show you're a good Dad. Keeping it very child focused and sounding positive about co parenting at a distance via an app eg. It's also an opportunity to get a Cafcass report undermined so a greater chance of a progressing order.

Who took out the NMO? You or your ex?

NWO was the ex. To stop me and my family from seeing the children.

 

[Ash]

Do you need to submit a position statement responding to the S7 report? Even if not, it would still be a good idea to have a good position statement for the next hearing - I can help with that.

How long does the NMO last for?

 

[Majsvibe]

Do you need to submit a position statement responding to the S7 report? Even if not, it would still be a good idea to have a good position statement for the next hearing - I can help with that.

How long does the NMO last for?

Am I okay to send you what I’ve done and if you can tell me if it’s any good or not? Am not very confident at the paperwork? I think I’ve done a decent job?

 

[Ash]

Sure.

 

[Majsvibe]

Sure.

Send you a private message with statement

 

[Majsvibe]

Just a update. Had my dispute hearing today mother demanded no contact and so did cafcass.

I went from indirect contact once a month to one every two months. I accepted the finding and swollowed my pride. I expressed remorse and the statement from Ash worked wonders (thank you so much Ash) in short next hearing is 6months time with final hearing which is two days.

This hearing was a complete waste of time! Now am having to wait 6 months! I was so fustrating it’s unreal. Clearly a hearing that’s just a money making exercise. Cafcass had some judgemental opinions but they are happy for me to do the cpd courses which are simple courses. BUT DAPP courses don’t exist therefore am greatful for not taking part in a 26week course costing like 3k.

Being realistic I will do all the courses and making indirect contact all about the children etc. surely in six months time I should be able to get contact centre and stepped contact to direct? Surely?

With cafcass lady she can easily say she’s not convinced with my work and refuse me contact. I mean I’ve done all I can here surely they must allow me direct contact? Right?

 

[Majsvibe]

Hi Majsvibe,

Sorry to read of your situation, I’m actually in the same court on the same day for my DRA but my circumstances are quite different to yours so I’m not sure I would be of much help.

What I would say is do not give up. Keep positive and you’ve referenced baby steps in seeing your son and maybe this is how you achieve your goal? I’ve read elsewhere that a represented Dad ultimately achieved his end goal by agreeing the Mums demands on number of contacts but it was built into the arrangement that should there be no issues this can progressively build to a desired number Dad was looking to achieve.

Keep going buddy.

How did your hearing go?

 

[Majsvibe]

I need abit of help I’ve got indirect contact via letterbox.

Unfortunately cafcass messed up the recommendation two of the closest ones have never offered indirect letterbox contact. Then the official recommendation don’t offer letters to be read or gifts to be checked.

Closest one is 65miles away which am not happy about but mother is now refusing to sign the referral and demands I fill in the foam then return it to her to sign.

She has signed the first one. But refusing the second which is her refusing a court order.

Am tempted to send a email to family court expressing mother is refusing to sign the referral?

This is very unfair on the children and is just showing how unwilling she is to promote child contact and is demanding things.

Any advice? @Ash

 

[Ash]

I'm not sure what form it is.

 

[Majsvibe]

I'm not sure what form it is.

Its a email she's sent to me in reply of the referral foam I've sent to her.

First referral she signed and there was no issues apart from her filling in there's a high chance of physical and sexual abuse. Even though she admitted to DV and did a 10 week course.

This is now the second referral which she's refusing to sign unless i fill it in and sent it to her to see and check. The whole point of this is so someone checks the content before it being sent to mother. She's just being difficult tbh.