I really don’t know where to start with this post . My emotions are all over the place and iam in complete shock . I just don’t understand how the system has failed my child and me so much .
So I’ve been separated from my ex for over 8 years now and remarried 4 years ago . My ex was a narcissist , emotionally and financially abusive and controlled me through children . Even several years on she would use children to control me and it effected my mental health severely .
I will try and write in short recent events .
In 2021 I found out that a child I had been raising for 12 years coparenting was not my biological child . Upon telling the mother she immediately stopped all direct and indirect contact with this child and another child I was the father to . I was not familiar with child proceedings and my rights , hence the reason I put up with abuse for so long .
3 months after no contact I bumped into my child playing out in the streets . The mother was notified by a neighbour , mother turned up all guns blazing , shouting abuse and threatening I had no rights etc
Despite the mothers actions I was arrested a few weeks later , having apparently made threats of violence .
I sought legal advice and made an application to the court , the ex claimed legal aid based on her allegations and I faced trial in criminal proceedings . Family court awaited the criminal court outcome . I was found not guilty and in time , after some battle a final order was made to share holidays and alternating weekend , this so mother could have time spent with . Mother was to refrain from obstructing direct or indirect access . I did not contest a live in order .
Fast forward 7 months and many concerns came to my attention . First and foremost my son was distressed and complained he aaa being dumped every other weekend in a environment where there were safeguarding concerns eg smoking drugs , not being fed until late hours and it takeaways or my 11 year old would heat up microwave meals . My son complained mother would swear at him when she knew he had contacted me via text and would take his phone and delete messages before he saw them and delete pictures of us and family members . Mother was extremely jelouse of my wife , sons baby sister and step siblings . She would delete the children from his contacts etc
After 6 months it came apparent that mother had not spent even one weekend with son . His health needs were not being met ( he has a disability ) . Over the six months of regained contact , I was extremely concerned for my child’s mental health . My son would cry before I would take him home each Sunday .
The last straw was , when my son complained of mutiple men in the home , I subsequently learnt she was working in the sex industry .
I immediately called police who advised me it a LA matter . I wrote to LA several times and got legal advice . I was told I was in my rights to not return my child and file a application at court for variation . I informed mother I wasn’t to return the child and why .
Next day , mothers instructed solicitors made a notice application to the court and i was instructed to return child . She raised concerns for neglect , abuse , drugs and alcohol , all unsubstantiated . My son was devastated . Mother then ceased ALL contact until next hearing .
I spoke with Caffcass prior to the next hearing , who had the opinion it was the court not mother who ceased contact . The mothers solicitor had drafted the order so that it was extremely difficult to understand . With this made a recommendation that no direct contact should continue . The court followed the recommendations and indirect contact was to be every week one hour FaceTime .
All calls were obstructed by mother . Mother made child end call because I showed his baby sister to him and my wife said hi ! ( nothing in order stated he could not communicate with ) .
Xmas day , second contact I could not hear my son as he was sat in a party like environment . Following three calls I received text saying my child didn’t want to take part in call !
Today was court again . My barister was absolute rubbish , that infact made my wife cry and dismissed any abuse I spoke of , and even smirked with me telling him !
Cut a long story short . Despite all my serious concerns , mothers voice was listened to and my FaceTime contact was stopped, as mother stated child did not want take part in call !!
Despite no one asking my child of their wishes!
Instead I was told I should write letters until the next hearing !! Mothers instructed barrister even told the judge that my screening in court was not necessary , although I am a victim of DV , have a IdVA worker and in therapy and on meds . How is this happening
So I’ve been separated from my ex for over 8 years now and remarried 4 years ago . My ex was a narcissist , emotionally and financially abusive and controlled me through children . Even several years on she would use children to control me and it effected my mental health severely .
I will try and write in short recent events .
In 2021 I found out that a child I had been raising for 12 years coparenting was not my biological child . Upon telling the mother she immediately stopped all direct and indirect contact with this child and another child I was the father to . I was not familiar with child proceedings and my rights , hence the reason I put up with abuse for so long .
3 months after no contact I bumped into my child playing out in the streets . The mother was notified by a neighbour , mother turned up all guns blazing , shouting abuse and threatening I had no rights etc
Despite the mothers actions I was arrested a few weeks later , having apparently made threats of violence .
I sought legal advice and made an application to the court , the ex claimed legal aid based on her allegations and I faced trial in criminal proceedings . Family court awaited the criminal court outcome . I was found not guilty and in time , after some battle a final order was made to share holidays and alternating weekend , this so mother could have time spent with . Mother was to refrain from obstructing direct or indirect access . I did not contest a live in order .
Fast forward 7 months and many concerns came to my attention . First and foremost my son was distressed and complained he aaa being dumped every other weekend in a environment where there were safeguarding concerns eg smoking drugs , not being fed until late hours and it takeaways or my 11 year old would heat up microwave meals . My son complained mother would swear at him when she knew he had contacted me via text and would take his phone and delete messages before he saw them and delete pictures of us and family members . Mother was extremely jelouse of my wife , sons baby sister and step siblings . She would delete the children from his contacts etc
After 6 months it came apparent that mother had not spent even one weekend with son . His health needs were not being met ( he has a disability ) . Over the six months of regained contact , I was extremely concerned for my child’s mental health . My son would cry before I would take him home each Sunday .
The last straw was , when my son complained of mutiple men in the home , I subsequently learnt she was working in the sex industry .
I immediately called police who advised me it a LA matter . I wrote to LA several times and got legal advice . I was told I was in my rights to not return my child and file a application at court for variation . I informed mother I wasn’t to return the child and why .
Next day , mothers instructed solicitors made a notice application to the court and i was instructed to return child . She raised concerns for neglect , abuse , drugs and alcohol , all unsubstantiated . My son was devastated . Mother then ceased ALL contact until next hearing .
I spoke with Caffcass prior to the next hearing , who had the opinion it was the court not mother who ceased contact . The mothers solicitor had drafted the order so that it was extremely difficult to understand . With this made a recommendation that no direct contact should continue . The court followed the recommendations and indirect contact was to be every week one hour FaceTime .
All calls were obstructed by mother . Mother made child end call because I showed his baby sister to him and my wife said hi ! ( nothing in order stated he could not communicate with ) .
Xmas day , second contact I could not hear my son as he was sat in a party like environment . Following three calls I received text saying my child didn’t want to take part in call !
Today was court again . My barister was absolute rubbish , that infact made my wife cry and dismissed any abuse I spoke of , and even smirked with me telling him !
Cut a long story short . Despite all my serious concerns , mothers voice was listened to and my FaceTime contact was stopped, as mother stated child did not want take part in call !!
Despite no one asking my child of their wishes!
Instead I was told I should write letters until the next hearing !! Mothers instructed barrister even told the judge that my screening in court was not necessary , although I am a victim of DV , have a IdVA worker and in therapy and on meds . How is this happening
