I left my local family court this morning following my second enforcement hearing feeling, indifferent. but hopefull.
I've taken a hit. But it should be short term pain, for long term gain. You may or may not agree with the steps I've agreed to take. But, hopefully, my court order will be better for it.
The exe's initial reason for breaching the CAO was based on an allegation that I was mentally unfit to parent unsupervisd following a handover dispute where I was, essentially, gaslighted, and I got emotionally upset at the stress of it all on that day because of her games. The ex took full advantage. Shoving me infront of the proverbial bus without hestitation.
As the weeks have gone by, the ex has possibily realised that the mental dad allegation was a bit weak, and could possibly trip her up, so she began to make further allegations that I am an alcoholic, based on the information she receives from her informants who spot me in my local pubs when I'm on my after-work Friday pint of Guinness or out with friends on a Saturday evening. All this, despite a November 2022 hair-strand test that proved otherwise.
Even though I made the choice to have fun and drink over that Christmas period, despite the advice from the forum. The results were not indicative of a man with an alcohol dependancy. Because I am not, and nowhere near! I'm no more a social drinker than anyone else.
In court the exe's poor mental health allegations were quashed immediately. And a very stern male judge who I have never seen before dished out some tough love for the ex. He accused her, in all but words, of fabricating everything. And told her that, by rights, he should be giving her unpaid work, as she has breached an order for the second time, with little justification, and her shift from mental health to alcoholism is what has tripped her up. She balled her eyes out to try and gain sympathy. It did'nt wash.
I went into the court room determined to resist her attempts to make me do another hair-strand test, designed to further delay my time with my boy. But the judges position on the matter I wasn't expecting. He asked me to consider providing one final hair-strand test, and if negative, this will be the last time the allegation will be considered. If the ex tries to use alcohol, as an excuse for breaching the order again, she will receive community service in the first instance, then the judge remarked that we then start to walk the uncomfortable path towards prison, and the reversal of the Lives With and Spends Time With order. I accepted the request.
By this point, the ex was sobbing uncontrollably. She genuinely thought this was all going to go in her favour.
So if I produce a negative hair-strand test, the new order will be much tougher for the ex to breach. Or rather, tougher consequences for her. The downside, unfortunately, I must go back to seeing my son in a contact centre until the results are presented at the next hearing in 3 months time.
I'm not getting to see him at all at the moment, so the short-term pain won't really be that painful. At least I will get to see him. But if I can walk away with a more roboust CAO that prevents the ex from making these allegations for fear of community service, and worse, that's got to be a better position all round.
A Section 7 report has also been commissioned by the court, and there's a huge part of me that thinks that this is going to be potentially game changing.
Childrens Services have been hopeless throughout all of this. They have spectacularly failed my son. If the truth be told, and you ask the question; who would that little boy be better off living with, the proof would be in the pudding. Only one parent, one family, is cruel, abusive, spiteful, deceitful and controlling, and it isn't me and mine.
I've taken a hit. But it should be short term pain, for long term gain. You may or may not agree with the steps I've agreed to take. But, hopefully, my court order will be better for it.
The exe's initial reason for breaching the CAO was based on an allegation that I was mentally unfit to parent unsupervisd following a handover dispute where I was, essentially, gaslighted, and I got emotionally upset at the stress of it all on that day because of her games. The ex took full advantage. Shoving me infront of the proverbial bus without hestitation.
As the weeks have gone by, the ex has possibily realised that the mental dad allegation was a bit weak, and could possibly trip her up, so she began to make further allegations that I am an alcoholic, based on the information she receives from her informants who spot me in my local pubs when I'm on my after-work Friday pint of Guinness or out with friends on a Saturday evening. All this, despite a November 2022 hair-strand test that proved otherwise.
Even though I made the choice to have fun and drink over that Christmas period, despite the advice from the forum. The results were not indicative of a man with an alcohol dependancy. Because I am not, and nowhere near! I'm no more a social drinker than anyone else.
In court the exe's poor mental health allegations were quashed immediately. And a very stern male judge who I have never seen before dished out some tough love for the ex. He accused her, in all but words, of fabricating everything. And told her that, by rights, he should be giving her unpaid work, as she has breached an order for the second time, with little justification, and her shift from mental health to alcoholism is what has tripped her up. She balled her eyes out to try and gain sympathy. It did'nt wash.
I went into the court room determined to resist her attempts to make me do another hair-strand test, designed to further delay my time with my boy. But the judges position on the matter I wasn't expecting. He asked me to consider providing one final hair-strand test, and if negative, this will be the last time the allegation will be considered. If the ex tries to use alcohol, as an excuse for breaching the order again, she will receive community service in the first instance, then the judge remarked that we then start to walk the uncomfortable path towards prison, and the reversal of the Lives With and Spends Time With order. I accepted the request.
By this point, the ex was sobbing uncontrollably. She genuinely thought this was all going to go in her favour.
So if I produce a negative hair-strand test, the new order will be much tougher for the ex to breach. Or rather, tougher consequences for her. The downside, unfortunately, I must go back to seeing my son in a contact centre until the results are presented at the next hearing in 3 months time.
I'm not getting to see him at all at the moment, so the short-term pain won't really be that painful. At least I will get to see him. But if I can walk away with a more roboust CAO that prevents the ex from making these allegations for fear of community service, and worse, that's got to be a better position all round.
A Section 7 report has also been commissioned by the court, and there's a huge part of me that thinks that this is going to be potentially game changing.
Childrens Services have been hopeless throughout all of this. They have spectacularly failed my son. If the truth be told, and you ask the question; who would that little boy be better off living with, the proof would be in the pudding. Only one parent, one family, is cruel, abusive, spiteful, deceitful and controlling, and it isn't me and mine.
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I'd also suggest strongly getting a transcription of that hearing in case you need it for evidence in future. The Judge might say that now but these things get forgotten in say a year's time and a different Judge. By having the transcription you can use it as evidence. Awful about the contact centre after all that but better than not seeing him at all. He'll be happy to see you.