Peth tests

[Richie1989]

After 9 months of seeing my 3 year old daughter on a regular basis but only 2 over night stays I decided to request 50/50 shared arrangement. The main reason being is I finally got some representation and for the first time felt I was being bullied into the current arrangement. I asked for mediation which she didn’t show up and then out of the blue 2 months later I received a letter direct from my ex wife’s solicitor with a load of false allegations and saying my access was being cut back to 7 hours a week with no over nights stays. She submitted a C1A and also a part 25. Basically falsely accusing me of so many allegations! All because I wanted a 50/50 shared arrangement. Roll on 6 months later and I’m still in same position bust most of the hoops have been jumped through much to my exs anger and trying to make it even harder for me to parent.

1) I have no criminal record
2) Cafcass closed case after a 1 hour phonecall
3) Police confirmed I am no danger to ex or child
4) passed mental health report
5) passed 2 x Peth tests (36ng / 20ng)
The second one being a voluntary one as when I passed the first one she still refused unsupervised access and then demanded 6 months hair test. So I just do them monthly since with this month being abstinence.
6) she is refusing to do Peth tests after me expressing my concerns
7) my daughter is staying at my exs mums house 2-3 nights a week some weeks instead of being with me
8) my ex refuse to communicate
9) I have done cafcass course and submitted parenting plan which she totally ignored
10) I have to ring nursery twice a week for updates on my daughters well-being as ex won’t let me know when she’s I’ll eyc
11) they have now booked 4 holidays abroad without consulting me or asking for my consent

The list goes on…

The good news is my solicitor submitted an urgent application due to me passing the tests they requested only for things not to change and the goalposts moved.
The courts accepted my application and added an hearing for 20th Sept.

Today my solicitor emailed the courts with my latest voluntary Peth results As well as my exs solicitor.

I want to feel confident but as you all know it’s hard when it’s been going on so long and you have had to jump through so many hopes to prove you have done nothing wrong other than wanting to be on my child’s life equally to my daughter mum.

The hearing is in Derby.

Anybody been on similar situation and wondered what your outcome was?

Thanks and keep strong dads

 

[nothernsoul]

Sounds to me like you're doing absolutely everything you can and putting yourself in the best positon to get a good order.

Keep taking those deep breaths.

I'm in a very similar position.

I've formally batted away all of the false accusations and owned as many potential obstacles as I can.

Keep focussed on that big picture. It's a long game for sure but one, it appears, you are handling beautifully.

 

[Resolute]

Sounds very familiar. A load of allegations to create a new status quo. The hearing may be a defence of the status quo and refusal to accept evidence against allegations. Character assassination, hypocrisy and dirty tricks were the order of the day for my first hearing. This gave my ex the upper hand for the interim. Her legal team then did everything possible to have decisions based on my ex's lived experience, i.e. hearsay. They withheld the child on spurious grounds then offered to adjourn Family Law Act matters with liberty to restore while Children Act matters continued, evidence in one to stand as evidence in the other. This meant that the child arrangements hearing was swamped by unresolved allegations and new allegations made up in the meantime. Over 400 of them. Her barrister argued forcibly against alcohol testing on the basis that my ex's testimony and the court's discernment should be sufficient. The judge didn't buy these arguments and insisted the test should happen. It came back clear for the period covering my "increasingly chronically excessive alcohol consumption." In the final hearing her barrister argued that result should be discarded as implausible.

On seeing claims that I lacked any insight into my alcohol consumption. I understood that my denial of an alcohol problem would be presented as evidence against me. As a result, I referred myself to the local alcohol service. Did the assessments and then attended key work sessions for about three months. They wrote me a glowing report to include in disclosure for my final hearing.

Long and short of it is that family law professionals cannot be trusted to play fair. I hope you will have a good barrister for all of your hearings. If funds might run short, I would prioritise that over a solicitor.

The outcome was that I got a default order written in a hurry and limited by distance. Her barrister used up most of the day with rambling cross-examination of me. The judge did nothing to intervene.

 

[Richie1989]

Sounds very similar! Such a shame to hear how common these allegations actually are to prevent access and prolong a very expensive process. I am already at over 20k in costings. I have sold my work van, car, settees, bed as well as lots of tech stuff to afford it. Luckily I have a good job but still with living costs it’s been so difficult to afford it.

Did they not demand Peth tests or hair tests from you and then put a DRH date for next hearing for you to prove negative results?

I really hope you are seeing your kid/kids it’s outrageous that these allegations can be made and the solicitors are happy to do it without any evidence at all only their word.

I have pushed for 50/50 to be fair to all parties but it seems that was my vulnerability and they submitted all the allegations to my shock/anxiety and there was nothing I could do apart from prove them wrong while all along only seeing my daughter for 7 hours a week. Luckily my urgent application was accepted within 7 days and a new date was added for 20th Sept where I can provide my results of abstainance and proof of parental instruction. The ironic thing is my ex has a alcohol problem and I have highlighted this for the judge in the application but then my solicitor has advised to not push for a part 25 form as it will look like mudslinging.
In a nut shell it seems who ever gets the allegations in first the other has to jump through the hoops but if only one person wants to plays those games it’s the innocent person who suffers in the meantime. The good thing is the judge has allowed me to prove my innocence by allowing tests and results which I have passed with flying colours but during that period I have seen my daughter very little while all along she gets to take her on holiday and enjoy her time with our daughter. I like to think the system is fair but during the interim period who ever accuses first gets the privileges.

Roll on 20th Sept and hopefully the judge will see their lies and my determination to be the best dad I can be

 

[Richie1989]

There is so many things they have done which I can’t put in a single message. For example my ex sister was patrolling the area I lived in hope to catch me drinking. I had to report her for stalking and harassment and she did get cautioned due to photographic evidence. It’s been tortureous while all along a young child os missing out!

 

[Resolute]

Did they not demand Peth tests or hair tests from you and then put a DRH date for next hearing for you to prove negative results?

My ex's representatives tried their very best to exclude testing. I argued for it and paid. She pleaded poverty with through a barrister with 20 years at the bar with a senior partner and a paralegal in toe ! When the judge agreed testing should go ahead, they insisted it should be administered by them. I had to push and push to get the test instructed because they wanted to run down the clock enough for a claim that the test failed to cover period of allegations. They knew her allegations were fanciful so they cajoled the judge into not doing cafcass report or DRH after the hearing. As LIP I was excluded from post hearing correspondence.

I really hope you are seeing your kid/kids

Thank you. I am and have done throughout. On my way to pick up now!

If you want to know what a narcissist is doing, look at what they accuse you of.