Moving Forward - New Relationships

[MagicJ]

Hi All,

I've been meaning to post on this topic for a while, as is usual with our situations in general there is a lot of process to work through and this changes the way we are on a day to day basis, I'd say suppresses the way we are more than anything.

As I've started to move forward and re-engage with social circles and new activities, inevitably you spot opportunities for new relationships and the potential to explore these.

I feel caught between the needs pause and allow the process to finish and for the situation to fully settle vs exploring those opportunities in a fuller sense in the here and now.

How have others handled this balance of the two?

 

[Peanut 21]

It gets to a point @MagicJ when you have to question when will the madness from the ex end and how long do you put your own life on hold.

If you meet someone naturally and there's a connection, as long as you're honest and communicate well from the start, then go for it.

 

[Ash]

As you have a final hearing coming up fairly soon (some time next month isn't it) I would try and hold the horses a bit longer Apart from anything else, just to keep your mind focused for the final hearing. If an opportunity has arisen with a lady, then just be straight and say you need to keep focused on Child Arrangements for the next six weeks or so but would then like to go out for a coffee or something.

 

[MagicJ]

As you have a final hearing coming up fairly soon (some time next month isn't it) I would try and hold the horses a bit longer Apart from anything else, just to keep your mind focused for the final hearing. If an opportunity has arisen with a lady, then just be straight and say you need to keep focused on Child Arrangements for the next six weeks or so but would then like to go out for a coffee or something.

Thanks @Peanut 21 & @Ash , I agree with the comment on the CAO however I note my finances are 6m out to the FDR & the insane possibility of a FH(!)
It almost feels like a personal debate on whether I should come to terms with the fact it is better to let everything settle down including the children into their new routine & also clarity on what my financial position looks like before I consider next steps.

Holding the horses all this time @Ash I think I'm trying to make myself accept that I need to hold them for another 6-12m.

@Peanut 21 , we've spoken about this before, I hear what you're saying - let the other person make their own decision as an adult on whether they want to be involved by being fully transparent on the actual situation rather than make a unilateral decision without exploring those options.

 

[MagicJ]

As it happens, friends in one of the Social Circles have suggested I focus on settling my own situation down before I think about moving forward - I think that's nudged me over the line in that direction!

Oh well, what's another 6m eh

 

[Resolute]

What about a middle ground?

If there is someone in particular and you think waiting would be to miss the opportunity. Perhaps caution could be thrown to the wind. With Peanut's qualifications.

If it is about getting into circulation. I'd wait until Child Arrangements are settled. The result of your final hearing will be massive. You deserve a good one, I pray that it happens for you.

 

[MagicJ]

What about a middle ground?

If there is someone in particular and you think waiting would be to miss the opportunity. Perhaps caution could be thrown to the wind. With Peanut's qualifications.

If it is about getting into circulation. I'd wait until Child Arrangements are settled. The result of your final hearing will be massive. You deserve a good one, I pray that it happens for you.

I think that's actually a succinct summary and a good read of the situation.

Opportunities not going anywhere, continued patience is key, sometimes we get ahead of ourselves!

Thanks for that last comment as well, didn't realise I needed it till it was there!

 

[Roblox]

I agree with Ash.

Get the kids agreement first. Perhaps then move forward discretely for a 'coffee'

Your ex may well go a bit bat shit when she finds out so if you have the agreement in place it'll help with any disruption.