How does it feel when you move forwards

[MagicJ]

I've been acclimatising to my new surroundings, a box room 2.5m x 2.5m after moving out of my own house.

I've lived in smaller, I've certainly lived in much, much worse - squatting on the sofa of a Med students inner city private accommodation whilst going to work everyday in a Business Smart dress code environment!

The room has new carpet, paint, bed, desk, chest of drawers & about 1.5m2 of free space throughout.

Nevertheless, it stings a little working to acclimatise myself to living in this when there is a whole house elsewhere that I am paying for & still in court fighting to loose!

It's not a complaint but it is an observation, one that I made this evening after the desk was put in the room & I suddenly realised how small the room actually was!

 

[Ash]

Sorry to hear that and yes, you also need a suitable home for the kids. Any mention of the house being sold and you at least getting some of the equity? You have a 50/50 order - she's not the resident parent. Surely she can live in a smaller house now.

Maybe just see it as a small bedroom? Presumably you have free run of the rest of the house? (Although not privacy I realise).

 

[MagicJ]

Nope, although we're not far from FDR & I'm not yet in a position to exchange proposals.

I'd agree, with 50/50, I should be in a stronger position to impose the costs of children as a big proportion of my needs & for her to be reducing her needs given she does not have them half the time.

Let's see what happens when we exchange Proposals next month

 

[hazemaze]

How did you get 50/50?

 

[Ash]

I think it was a lot of patience, blood, sweat and tears and paying some money for a good barrister. Plus not moving out until he had the order. Is that right Magic?

 

[MagicJ]

How did you get 50/50?

There were a number of factors @hazemaze.
A few were in my control - how I react & what actions I took - many factors were not, how the STBX reacted & what she did along the way

If you want to know is there a set formula, the answer is no but what I can tell you is that there is no way I could have gotten 50/50 or even survived the process without having read pretty much every story that has been shared on the forum since the beginning to understand all aspects of the system within which we live & the active emotional & process support of members as I went through it.

I think it was a lot of patience, blood, sweat and tears and paying some money for a good barrister. Plus not moving out until he had the order. Is that right Magic?

What I learnt was, Solicitor's are a useful as protection from being bullied by the otherside but useless for everything else & a complete waste of money.
A good barrister is the best investment you can ever make, researching & taking the time to find exactly the right one who is available is gold.

Everyone around me, from work friends, personal friends family friends, mediators, solicitors all told me that 50/50 was unrealistic, an outside chance & I should accept less. Although I disagreed - thanks to DWK - and constantly resisted everything, I had internally accepted early on that I was going to loose it all.

I never once told the kids what was really going on, no matter what they put on me as my fault I let them blame me & I never once bad mouthed their Mum to them. Instead, any opportunity I had to spend time with the kids, I took it, I made every moment we spent the best time they ever had, as if I would never see them & they remember all of those from random walks in muddy woods to early visits to the park.

I found out which friends I would owe an unrepayable debt & I found out which members of my family I would never trust again.

I was ultimately fortunate that even though the CAO financially ripped away my future and both her & her family unnecessarily took a year from me & the kids, they never got their strategy right & had she hit me with an NMO or taken my offers at Mediation it would have been different.

All I can say is, keep your cards close, trust no-one, find the best DAB you can afford, don't both with expensive solicitors, read as much of DWK as you can and never forget, whatever happens to you, you're doing this for your Children, they're the ones that matter, let your EX focus on you, while she's distracted with that fight, you focus on the Kids.

 

[bujanin]

There were a number of factors @hazemaze.
A few were in my control - how I react & what actions I took - many factors were not, how the STBX reacted & what she did along the way

If you want to know is there a set formula, the answer is no but what I can tell you is that there is no way I could have gotten 50/50 or even survived the process without having read pretty much every story that has been shared on the forum since the beginning to understand all aspects of the system within which we live & the active emotional & process support of members as I went through it.




What I learnt was, Solicitor's are a useful as protection from being bullied by the otherside but useless for everything else & a complete waste of money.
A good barrister is the best investment you can ever make, researching & taking the time to find exactly the right one who is available is gold.

Everyone around me, from work friends, personal friends family friends, mediators, solicitors all told me that 50/50 was unrealistic, an outside chance & I should accept less. Although I disagreed - thanks to DWK - and constantly resisted everything, I had internally accepted early on that I was going to loose it all.

I never once told the kids what was really going on, no matter what they put on me as my fault I let them blame me & I never once bad mouthed their Mum to them. Instead, any opportunity I had to spend time with the kids, I took it, I made every moment we spent the best time they ever had, as if I would never see them & they remember all of those from random walks in muddy woods to early visits to the park.

I found out which friends I would owe an unrepayable debt & I found out which members of my family I would never trust again.

I was ultimately fortunate that even though the CAO financially ripped away my future and both her & her family unnecessarily took a year from me & the kids, they never got their strategy right & had she hit me with an NMO or taken my offers at Mediation it would have been different.

All I can say is, keep your cards close, trust no-one, find the best DAB you can afford, don't both with expensive solicitors, read as much of DWK as you can and never forget, whatever happens to you, you're doing this for your Children, they're the ones that matter, let your EX focus on you, while she's distracted with that fight, you focus on the Kids.

Inspirational and wise - I'm chuffed for you.