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Ex partner has a new man already

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Tomtom1990

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My ex has a new bloke just weeks after the relationship ended. I cant help but feel she has been seeing him longer because they are already having nights away and have planned a holiday in December!

I am devastated by the split and did not see it comming! I'm having real difficulty in dealing with it.

We have a joint mortgage on a house. She wants me to move out so that she can claim universal credit to increase her mortgage amount to buy a new place. We both have a good equity amount that would allow her to rent somewhere for her and 2 boys. Supplemented by her wage. I cant move out because I need a place for my children when I have them at weekends. Also I dnt see that I should when it has been her decision to end the relationship.

She is planning a party at the end of the month in the house. What do I do if this new bloke turns up?? I don't want him in my house. And I feel my ex is going to start playing dirty because she wants me out. She knows that I am very anxious and social situations can cause me alot of stress
 
Hi mate. Sorry to hear this. I went through similar and I moved out (not knowing she'd started seeing someone before we split).

Get legal advice and don't move out the house. If you feel you can do it tell her the house has to be sold as part of the divorce.

This is the tricky bit. Don't lose your cool and make sure every communication is civil. Also be mindful she may try and be sneaky and record things etc.

Do you have a few mates that could turn up to this party or family. Make it incredibly uncomfortable for her to even contemplate such an action?
 
Roblox said:
Hi mate. Sorry to hear this. I went through similar and I moved out (not knowing she'd started seeing someone before we split).

Get legal advice and don't move out the house. If you feel you can do it tell her the house has to be sold as part of the divorce.

This is the tricky bit. Don't lose your cool and make sure every communication is civil. Also be mindful she may try and be sneaky and record things etc.

Do you have a few mates that could turn up to this party or family. Make it incredibly uncomfortable for her to even contemplate such an action?
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Thanks for the response.

We are not actually married. I don't know if it makes any difference.

I'm seeing a solicitor tomorrow for some advice.

I don't really have many mates that would be prepared to do that j dnt think. I don't even know if I can call the police and say he is refusing to leave if he has her permission to be in the house
 
Yes check with the solicitor. Why is she having a party at the house and not.somewhere else. Hardly seems appropriate. I would definitely see what your solicitor says about police action as you may be able to stop the whole thing dead.
 
Roblox said:
Yes check with the solicitor. Why is she having a party at the house and not.somewhere else. Hardly seems appropriate. I would definitely see what your solicitor says about police action as you may be able to stop the whole thing dead.
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I don't know what it is for. I suspect she is just trying to make life hard for me. I'm not a social person and big groups of people are hard for me to deal with. She never had party's when we were together so I think its a dirty tactic to make me uncomfortable now I'm refusing to move out the house for her benefit
 
Hi. Really sorry to hear this. Advice is always - don’t move out until you have a child Arrangements order (whether that is by consent or via the courts). Agreements don’t count. However awful this is it can get worse if you lose your kids too. So try and focus on that. Once you leave, if you don’t have a Child Arrangemebts order she could, if so inclined, which many exes are - prevent you seeing your children for a very long time. Which is bad for them as well as you.

Hellish situation but suggest you are very very careful (because exes also make allegations of domestic abuse to get you out and then it takes even longer to see the kids.

So as said above - don’t lose your cool. Keep records of everything to protect yourself. Start a daily diary - write diary notes in your email and email them to yourself (but before that, change your email password just in case she knows it).

That way these diary notes are dated and have a time on and are documentary evidence - in case you are ever accused of anything. They could save your skin. Some Dads also say - video any hostility on your phone. If she starts yelling at you or threatening you. Maybe not too obviously. Eg if you have a calm discussion then you could set video going on your phone first and leave it in a corner somewhere. It’s not to capture visuals, just to record the conversation. You need to protect yourself. However much you still have feelings for her there is now no trust - as in all cases of relationships ending. You both have different priorities and agendas now.

Sounds like she is trying to drive you out. Suggest you have a calm discussion with her a oit living separately in the same house while you have mediation to make arrangements about the children ongoing. (And that is one conversation I suggest you record without her knowing).

If you can agree certain areas of the house where you live and vice versa you can have separate lives in the same house for now. With agreed times for when/how to do things with the kids. Who takes them to school?

It’s really hard but you need to act ok about everything - pretend you’re not bothered - that can be quite disarming. She wants you to react with anger and distress. Don’t. Let that out on here. Say yes party is fine - but say you need separate areas in the house. Focus on the kids - it helps.

Meanwhile I think you need to apply for a Child Arrangemebts order ASAP. If it’s done before you get driven out it undermines any false allegations she might make. But you’re supposed to try mediation first (the only legal requirement is you attend a first session on your own - called a MIAM - even if she won’t go).

You also need to think up a plan for where you’ll live. Who owns the house? Is it joint owned? In both names?

Your big advantage (sorry I know that sounds unfeeling but just being practical) - is that you are not married. No spousal support to pay - no divorce to be blackmailed over. The only thing she can blackmail you with is the kids. So that needs sorting.
 
Tomtom1990 said:
My ex has a new bloke just weeks after the relationship ended. I cant help but feel she has been seeing him longer because they are already having nights away and have planned a holiday in December!

I am devastated by the split and did not see it comming! I'm having real difficulty in dealing with it.

We have a joint mortgage on a house. She wants me to move out so that she can claim universal credit to increase her mortgage amount to buy a new place. We both have a good equity amount that would allow her to rent somewhere for her and 2 boys. Supplemented by her wage. I cant move out because I need a place for my children when I have them at weekends. Also I dnt see that I should when it has been her decision to end the relationship.

She is planning a party at the end of the month in the house. What do I do if this new bloke turns up?? I don't want him in my house. And I feel my ex is going to start playing dirty because she wants me out. She knows that I am very anxious and social situations can cause me alot of stress
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All been there Tom, i found out via facebook (posters on the old site will know my backstory)

Honestly you will in a few months, to a year realize you don't care what she does or who with.

Was very raw for me at the start.
 
Tomtom1990 said:
My ex has a new bloke just weeks after the relationship ended. I cant help but feel she has been seeing him longer because they are already having nights away and have planned a holiday in December!

I am devastated by the split and did not see it comming! I'm having real difficulty in dealing with it.

We have a joint mortgage on a house. She wants me to move out so that she can claim universal credit to increase her mortgage amount to buy a new place. We both have a good equity amount that would allow her to rent somewhere for her and 2 boys. Supplemented by her wage. I cant move out because I need a place for my children when I have them at weekends. Also I dnt see that I should when it has been her decision to end the relationship.

She is planning a party at the end of the month in the house. What do I do if this new bloke turns up?? I don't want him in my house. And I feel my ex is going to start playing dirty because she wants me out. She knows that I am very anxious and social situations can cause me alot of stress
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If she starts playing dirty, use it to your advantage. Wear a bodycam at all times and document all her unreasonable behaviour. Use it against her when you apply for the CAO.
 
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