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Ex now homeless refusimg children to stay with me

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lionking8

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Hi ,

As the title states , unfortunately though not a surprise my ex and kids have been kicked of of her new husband's house ,

Ex gave up council properly to move in with new family ,

We have a order in place at the cost of £20k as she refused access under crazy accusations which were all thrown out by cascaff and the magistrates .

The order is clear children live with her and stay with myself 8 days a month .



I suppose am I right in wanting the children to stay with myself until she has organised safe secure housing ,

Will the court take into consideration that I can offer stability which is much needed , children age 10/15 both wish to come to me ,
 
Please tell us some more about what you mean by homeless. I don't imagine they are sleeping rough.

If they are at genuine risk. You can withhold them and make an application to the court. Such an extreme measure would only be acceptable in extreme circumstances.

The 15 year old can more or less make their own decision. Wishes and feeling of the 10 year old will likely be assessed. But, 10 would probably be considered a bit young to be given autonomy.
 
Thank you very much ,


I received a message they were in a hotel on Monday ,by Wednesday I was told they are in a "hostel" presumably provided by the council and given the address .


Obviously the children with myself have there own rooms ,routine ,space to study .

They are now each taking two busses to school this leaving the house at 0720 am and getting home around 1630 (1800 for the youngest who goes to after school club ) .

They are both exhausted ,they had a evening visit where they both wanted to bathe at my house ,and eat a meal that wasn't a takeaway .


My concerns are there is a better option in my opinion ,this is the 2nd time they're mother has put them in this situation and I'm at the point I feel they will have a safer more consistent life with myself .


The barrister at the previous court case felt I had a strong case for malicious mother syndrome ,due to her blocking visitation with no real reason ,she was fired by her own lawyer who refused to represent her and her manor in court was not the best ,both cascaff and magistrates saw right through her (I'm.extremly lucky ) as accusations were quite extreme
 
Hi. If that's your real name - I can change it for you to an anonymous username.
 
I think I would get some legal advice on this one - you can get a free half hour from a solicitor or three (some are better to deal with than others). The other option is to contact social services to check on the kids and propose that they stay with you until the Mother has found somewhere to live, and stay with their Mother every other week-end or something. If social services back you up you're in a stronger position.

As Resolute says, the 15 year old can decide for themselves, but they probably wouldn't want to make the move and leave the 10 year old behind.
 
Tha k you ,yes my conclusions are they only legal advice is the clear way ,I spoke to social services explained they were in a homeless shelter and this was the mothers choice and the answer I got was well what's your concern ?

I said my children are in a shelter with nothing when they have a acctual home for them ,I hoped they would have said well maybe we can help suggest this to the mother ,but my 15yrs said when he asked mum can we stay with dad she told him we won't get a house if your not here .




It's heartbreaking ,myself and my partner have a warm safe home for them but it seems if mum prefers to drag them to a shelter that's completely fine ,


I'm heartbroken ,to see my kids return to sheltered accommodation when they can stay with myself .


I offered to the mother they stay with me but we can make sure they're "visable" to the shelter etc etc ,I'm not trying to take the children away ,but at the same time I feel if a parent chooses this for their children maybe her state of mind is notnin the best place ,

Overnight they've gone from a life with brand new cars and brand new iPhones to this .


Many thanks for the replies it's greatly appreciated,after a hell of expensive divorce ,3 months without seeing my children and spending a small fortune to make that happen I'm.now at witts end
 
Ok so social services are taking the attitude - they're with their Mother, not your business. Which is fairly typical. So they won't support that proposal. Maybe your best route then is to suggest to your ex to increase their time with you temporarily, to give them that break - but as you say, they still "live with" her so she's still eligible for housing priority.

8 days a month doesn't sound much. Is that every other week-end and a midweek night? Maybe you could suggest they come to you 2 or 3 midweek nights temporarily. Trouble is ex's don't like giving up any time in case it sets a precedent.

Please can you let me know if that's your real name so I can change it? We have a policy of asking people to use anonymous usernames.
 
Oh forgive me yes that's a knickname I use !


Yes unfortunately I used to have them 2 days each week ,but in court unfortunately we spent the entire day arguing so we agreed on

3 night weekend and every Friday ,

I have always wanted MORE time but to keep the peace this was the regular pattern as initially I had lots more contact ,


I got to the point that the judges were telling us we would about. And another day in court would cost a fortune ,my barrister was £2000 per day and I'm not well off at all ,

So I caved in ,I had not seen my youngest in 3 months and would have agreed to anything to hug him again ,

That's interesting that if the order states they still live with her then staying with myself should NOT effect her right to a house (which I have no intention of effecting ) I just don't want my children dragged through this mess ,my eldest is ashamed and can't even tell his friends what's going on ,or even his little girlfriend !



I truly appreciate the advice this far
 
So do you think she'd be open to a friendly chat and you offering to have the kids a bit more temporarily while she gets sorted? I know it's difficult when she has restricted time before, but it's for the kids really.
 
Sounds heartbreaking.

Given you’ve experienced the court system, and it’s likely your ex won’t be represented, are you comfortable making an application and NOT be represented by a barrister?
The judge / magistrates would potentially then help make a decision for you ?
Magistrates may get a court advisor if they know you’re unrepresented.
 
There’s lots of guidance in these threads on how to represent yourself. It would seem if you already have contact, and a positive CAFCASS report… it would be easier to ask for a temporary increase in contact, explicitly allowing your ex to continue to look for additional housing on the priority list.
 
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That would take time though and his kids are living it now. Lionking, if you kept the kids, she could get an urgent same day order to get them back - and would probably accuse you of abduction. So you can't really do that. I'd try and talk to her and see if you get anywhere and say you just want them to have more stability while she gets sorted.
 
Can one not apply for an urgent order and hearing given the circumstances?
Def agree that withholding them and not returning them to the mum is not a good idea.
Talking it out and agreeing would seem like a good resolution - worth investing in that if possible. 👍🏻
 
You're right it could be worth a try for an urgent application. However he doesn't have the backing of social services, and without that, he may not get an urgent hearing. It would probably go the standard procedure and by then she could have been rehoused. If social services have said - what's your problem they're fine, then he doesn't have any backing. It could be worth a try if he words it carefully so it doesn't sound unfeeling towards the ex. Eg saying his kids and their Mother have been made homeless, the kids are struggling with school journeys, stability and the circumstances, and he wishes to have them with him more, temporarily until the Mother has found alternative housing and proposes they spent Monday to Wednesday nights through to thursday morning with him midweek and every other week-end as usual, plus he would help with taking them to and from school on the night they are with the Mother. Could also say it's a crucial year for the 15 year old at school.

Lionking - I do think you'd need legal advice for that and probably a lawyer to help get the urgent hearing and represent you though.

Any application is going to be seen as hostile by the ex probably so it would be better if you had attempted to agree something with her, before any application and also to show the courts you've tried to agree it amicably.
 
This one’s been keeping me up at night.
I cannot imagine how disruptive it must be for the kids; and the lifelong impact it will have on them.

But when I think about it from the mums perspective; she risks in her mind, never having a roof over her head. The kids are her only hope of getting some stability for her (and for her kids).

I can’t see a way forward that she’d agreed to unless her housing needs are prioritised.
Does that sound right?

Agree with @Ash - legal route will only be perceived as hostile.

Is there any way with the money you’d spend on legal advice, you could help her get out of this awful situation, and get her a temp place that’s funded (I know nothing about social housing, but can you be guarantor on a rental that the local authority pays for?)

That way you could possibly inform the potential address, otherwise it may end up bing hundreds of miles away !!
 
Perhaps going to her and asking her; “How can I help?” May get a result.
Perhaps aim for having the kids over but not overnight at first - that may alleviate fears of risking her place in the waiting list.
 
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I was wondering that too. And I know it's hard if it's not that amicable. Although I wouldn't recommend offering to be a guarantor. I was asked to do that once and had legal advice and had to say no - it could leave you liable for all her rent indefinitely.
 
But that is a good start. Just saying - what can I do to help? She probably wouldn't trust you if you just say you'd have the kids more. And she might not suggest it either because her fear of being homeless will be greater than her concern for the kids feeling embarrased by it.

Would it be possible to offer to take the kids to school and back each day? So they don't have to get two buses - that would give them some extra stability. Tough situation.

I'm not ruling out the idea of an urgent order though. And I'm not sure older kids would give her higher priority being rehoused either. Brasstacks has a good point though, that they might rehouse her further away.

Could you look around for housing association rentals on her behalf? If you handle this right, she may be more amenable to them having more time with you in future. But then I don't know how hostile she is towards you generally.

The other thing to consider is, the older one may feel resentful if he feels he can't come to live with you when he needed to. And technically he can just do that if he wants.
 
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