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Challenging falsehoods

D

Dirge

Experienced member
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My stbx regularly brings up ridiculous claims of being treated badly/harassment/controlling behaviour. Not a shred of truth or any evidence to back up her empty attempts
at creating a false narrative. They usually come in response to me doing something she doesn't like, such as putting in a C100. Up to now, I've ignored them, they won't stand up
in court, and she's probably hoping they will needle me, and yes, they do a bit.
Anyway, I'm starting to think that maybe I should challenge them, in a polite, but firm way. It does irritate me that she feels free to say what she wants and I'm biting my tongue.
So it would make me feel better, but on the other hand, with court cases up coming, don't want to raise the sense of "conflict" . What do others think?
I'm sure other threads will have covered this, but just venting more than anything :)
 
I'd just respond with "I refute your allegation" and leave it at that. Let her rant and rave and allege to her hearts content. She wants you to bite. Don't do it.
 
Thanks for the replies. Yes, @DadLad, attempted mediation, she refused to engage on the grounds it will be sorted in court. A big reveal of her game plan.
@Peanut 21, I was thinking something along those lines would probably be the best response.
 
How are these ridiculous claims being made?

If they are verbal, be very aware that she may be recording you. Do not get angry or flustered. But, do not let her get recordings of you tacitly accepting the allegations either. Either ask her to put her concerns in writing so you can respond or tell her that you will write to her in response.

I agree with Peanut that you should write something short and simple. Sorry for being picky, but I would say "your account is denied." A refutation suggests proof, and "allegation" feels a little inflammatory. If this has been going on a while. I would find a way of phrasing that covers all of the ridiculous claims. If it is happening verbally. I would put her on blanket written notice that you will not be taking part in unscheduled discussions.
 
Absolutely what resolute says.

It is galling and tempting to fire a few shots back.

Don't bother.

Short and simple, don't engage.

Get the best order you can and that's the best shot you'll ever fire.
 
"Get the best order you can and that's the best shot you'll ever fire." - Absolutely! You're right on the button there @nothernsoul .
Good advice, thanks @Resolute. I made a point of insisting all communication is in written form at the start of our separation, so if she does ever
say anything, I don't respond verbally, unless it is specifically to do with the welfare of our children. All these unfounded claims are mostly in emails. If it wasn't for the kids, I'd never have anything more to do with her.
 
She will be goading you into arguing back. If she sends messages full of nasty allegations you can ignore. If you need to respond on some other matter - eg arrangements for the kids, then just reply on that level and then add - the allegations are categorically denied. Any communication from you will probably make her worse though.
 
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