Unfortunately I married a woman and had the beautiful daughter with her.
She already had a six year old daughter who until splitting I looked after as my own for the 10 years I was with her.
During this time she pursued the father of her ex's daughter through the courts of through the CSA even though he looked after her when he could and provided for her.
What I didn't see at the time was she wasn't even interested in the money she just wanted to make his life hell.
When we split 10 years or so later it became my turn to become hunted and pursued via the CSA or cms.
To give an idea of how low this woman go I also learned after splitting that her own daughters father was not actually her father and she had kept this from everybody except very close family.
She didn't tell her daughter until she was 18 and believe it's all not her daughter accepted it !!
So back to me.....
When we split I made regular substantial cash payments every week for almost a year until I add a few bad weeks of work and fell behind by two or three weeks which I did catch up on.
So she launched the CSA against me.
In principal I refused to pay or negotiate with the CSA and they have pursued me for a various methods over the past 10+ years. During this time I have made a minimal payment of a few pounds a week just so they knew I've not disappeared off their radar.
They have issued several liability orders over this period which I have basically ignored and by going self-employed I managed to manipulate my lifestyle to make it hard for them to latch on to me.
During this time my daughter spent regular time living with me, she had holidays and was never short of cash clothes or whatever she needed but no money was sent via the CSA or direct to the mother.
When my daughter became 16 my account became a arrears only.
I received my regular payment plan update which was paid by standing order every week and again for only a few pounds.
This year they issued a liability order against the debt which when I questioned over the phone I was told by the lady that was a mistake as I was making the correct payment as requested, however the LO couldn't be stopped unless payment was made in full.
So I requested a full disclosure of all my records so I could read through and gather my evidence.
With this disclosure I then challenged the liability order and requested a video hearing on the court date.
On the court date the video link was for only 10 minutes as they asked me several questions and then said it will be adjourned until another day when they were going depth and I would have to attend court personally.
With hindsight I now wish I had just let the liability order tape place and payments be taken.
Why?
Not because of paying the money and the arrears but because by challenging the order I have finally given the woman what she wanted which was to pull me through the courts as she did her ex.
This alone has broke me more than anything that has gone before, just knowing she is now reveling and watching me suffer knowing full well I am not in a position to pay the outstanding debt.
Rightly or wrongly I stand by the decision I made when we split.
She continued what we both trained for which was to become foster parents and she continued that career until the current day.
With the money from fostering she bought a house which she extended, she then built another house on the grounds for her dad to live in.
Very admirable and I wouldn't speak against anybody who is able to do this for themselves or their family but it does show this woman is not in need of money from elsewhere especially from one or two dads who are not in such a fortunate position and whose lives have been ruined and dictated by others.
Like many men affected by the CSA my story is so much bigger than just these few paragraphs.
A forum page will never be big enough for people like myself to open up and talk about what they have been through.
Any father that accept his responsibilities and remains in contact with their children and is available 24/7 is a good father.
Having the ability and the freedom to provide financially is a bonus for everybody concerned but that does not make them any better or any worse than a father that can only give his children time and love.
Bob
She already had a six year old daughter who until splitting I looked after as my own for the 10 years I was with her.
During this time she pursued the father of her ex's daughter through the courts of through the CSA even though he looked after her when he could and provided for her.
What I didn't see at the time was she wasn't even interested in the money she just wanted to make his life hell.
When we split 10 years or so later it became my turn to become hunted and pursued via the CSA or cms.
To give an idea of how low this woman go I also learned after splitting that her own daughters father was not actually her father and she had kept this from everybody except very close family.
She didn't tell her daughter until she was 18 and believe it's all not her daughter accepted it !!
So back to me.....
When we split I made regular substantial cash payments every week for almost a year until I add a few bad weeks of work and fell behind by two or three weeks which I did catch up on.
So she launched the CSA against me.
In principal I refused to pay or negotiate with the CSA and they have pursued me for a various methods over the past 10+ years. During this time I have made a minimal payment of a few pounds a week just so they knew I've not disappeared off their radar.
They have issued several liability orders over this period which I have basically ignored and by going self-employed I managed to manipulate my lifestyle to make it hard for them to latch on to me.
During this time my daughter spent regular time living with me, she had holidays and was never short of cash clothes or whatever she needed but no money was sent via the CSA or direct to the mother.
When my daughter became 16 my account became a arrears only.
I received my regular payment plan update which was paid by standing order every week and again for only a few pounds.
This year they issued a liability order against the debt which when I questioned over the phone I was told by the lady that was a mistake as I was making the correct payment as requested, however the LO couldn't be stopped unless payment was made in full.
So I requested a full disclosure of all my records so I could read through and gather my evidence.
With this disclosure I then challenged the liability order and requested a video hearing on the court date.
On the court date the video link was for only 10 minutes as they asked me several questions and then said it will be adjourned until another day when they were going depth and I would have to attend court personally.
With hindsight I now wish I had just let the liability order tape place and payments be taken.
Why?
Not because of paying the money and the arrears but because by challenging the order I have finally given the woman what she wanted which was to pull me through the courts as she did her ex.
This alone has broke me more than anything that has gone before, just knowing she is now reveling and watching me suffer knowing full well I am not in a position to pay the outstanding debt.
Rightly or wrongly I stand by the decision I made when we split.
She continued what we both trained for which was to become foster parents and she continued that career until the current day.
With the money from fostering she bought a house which she extended, she then built another house on the grounds for her dad to live in.
Very admirable and I wouldn't speak against anybody who is able to do this for themselves or their family but it does show this woman is not in need of money from elsewhere especially from one or two dads who are not in such a fortunate position and whose lives have been ruined and dictated by others.
Like many men affected by the CSA my story is so much bigger than just these few paragraphs.
A forum page will never be big enough for people like myself to open up and talk about what they have been through.
Any father that accept his responsibilities and remains in contact with their children and is available 24/7 is a good father.
Having the ability and the freedom to provide financially is a bonus for everybody concerned but that does not make them any better or any worse than a father that can only give his children time and love.
Bob
