Here it goes:
My ex and I started divorce proceedings in 2017 having been separated since 2014, the divorce was finalised and a Financial Court Order finalised almost exactly a year later in 2018. During the years of 2015 to 2018, my gross salary was an average of £110k pa, with the vast majority of that being made up with commission, I am in a sales based role where basic salaries tend to be lower, and majority of earnings are made up of commission. Since 2018, my gross salary (including commission) has reduced significantly - the average salary is £66k between 2018 to 2023 (highest was £78k and lowest £50k per annum during that period).
I have one daughter with my ex who is now 14. We have one jointly owned property (that is let and proceeds shared) that we agreed to pass on to our daughter when she turns 18. My ex works (salary unknown), and has multiple properties (2 or 3) she lets out, in addition, she recently sold her home for £1.1 million and moved in to one of her other properties where she has just built a loft extension - I was paid out £160k whilst divorcing to put towards my new home). I do not want any money from her, but I am confident that she is fairly self sufficient.
The financial order has a Global Periodical Payment clause which states that I must pay £1000, in addition to any school related costs, extra tuition etc until she finishes further education, plus any university fees - in essence, when i total all costs, I have been paying close to £1400 per month in total since 2018.
In 2022, I got remarried and had a child (now 2). My new wife stays at home and is taking care of our child. Whilst we have explored the option of her working, she would be a low paid worker, and with child care costs in London being so high, it makes no financial sense for her to get a job as we would be no better off - so better that our child stays with his mum.
Whilst trying to honour the court order, I have relied on loans and credit cards to fulfil the court order which has amounted to me being financially restricted and burdened heavily with debt. I was confident in my ability to earn what i was before, but market conditions have worked against me and I have been unable to get back to those levels. In hindsight, I should have tried to negotiate with her earlier, but she is very difficult to deal with when it comes to financial matters, plus, i thought I was doing the right thing in trying to provide for my daughter. I have mentioned to her my salary is a lot less and have stressed on numerous occasions that money is tight. She just gets argumentative every time I mention anything financial or suggests i downsize ( I currently live in a 1930's 3 bed semi, so nothing glamorous), and I am not a confrontational person, so the conversation doesn't go far.
I now find myself in a position where work is extremely bad, I will be lucky to earn £60k this year, in total and that is if I don't lose my job, the company I am working for (have been for 20 years) are also struggling due to a lack of sales, and it is questionable whether they will survive this turbulent time - incidentally, i am not a director or shareholder, and just an employee.
Due to me trying to be honourable and a good father, I now have very high levels of debt that are becoming unmanageable, and i really don't want to have to sell my home and uproot my family and be further away from my daughter (we live local and i take her to school everyday (always have) and only since my son was born has she accepted my new relationship, so she now comes round after school and remains a big part of mine and my "new" families life - she rarely stays overnight, but that is fine as I just like her to be comfortable. I am even thinking to ask my parents for money to lower my debt, but ultimately this doesn't solve my problem, I would just be eating in to my inheritance to support my ex wife.
My question(s) are-
Whilst I would prefer to come to an agreement with her, I am sure of another confrontation which may mean I resort to mediation or apply to the courts.
Really don't know what to do, but if things remain as they are, I simply wont be able to afford it, what with my increasing debt and ultimately my stress levels are increasing and my "new family" are not getting the best of me :-(
Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.
Thanks,
P
My ex and I started divorce proceedings in 2017 having been separated since 2014, the divorce was finalised and a Financial Court Order finalised almost exactly a year later in 2018. During the years of 2015 to 2018, my gross salary was an average of £110k pa, with the vast majority of that being made up with commission, I am in a sales based role where basic salaries tend to be lower, and majority of earnings are made up of commission. Since 2018, my gross salary (including commission) has reduced significantly - the average salary is £66k between 2018 to 2023 (highest was £78k and lowest £50k per annum during that period).
I have one daughter with my ex who is now 14. We have one jointly owned property (that is let and proceeds shared) that we agreed to pass on to our daughter when she turns 18. My ex works (salary unknown), and has multiple properties (2 or 3) she lets out, in addition, she recently sold her home for £1.1 million and moved in to one of her other properties where she has just built a loft extension - I was paid out £160k whilst divorcing to put towards my new home). I do not want any money from her, but I am confident that she is fairly self sufficient.
The financial order has a Global Periodical Payment clause which states that I must pay £1000, in addition to any school related costs, extra tuition etc until she finishes further education, plus any university fees - in essence, when i total all costs, I have been paying close to £1400 per month in total since 2018.
In 2022, I got remarried and had a child (now 2). My new wife stays at home and is taking care of our child. Whilst we have explored the option of her working, she would be a low paid worker, and with child care costs in London being so high, it makes no financial sense for her to get a job as we would be no better off - so better that our child stays with his mum.
Whilst trying to honour the court order, I have relied on loans and credit cards to fulfil the court order which has amounted to me being financially restricted and burdened heavily with debt. I was confident in my ability to earn what i was before, but market conditions have worked against me and I have been unable to get back to those levels. In hindsight, I should have tried to negotiate with her earlier, but she is very difficult to deal with when it comes to financial matters, plus, i thought I was doing the right thing in trying to provide for my daughter. I have mentioned to her my salary is a lot less and have stressed on numerous occasions that money is tight. She just gets argumentative every time I mention anything financial or suggests i downsize ( I currently live in a 1930's 3 bed semi, so nothing glamorous), and I am not a confrontational person, so the conversation doesn't go far.
I now find myself in a position where work is extremely bad, I will be lucky to earn £60k this year, in total and that is if I don't lose my job, the company I am working for (have been for 20 years) are also struggling due to a lack of sales, and it is questionable whether they will survive this turbulent time - incidentally, i am not a director or shareholder, and just an employee.
Due to me trying to be honourable and a good father, I now have very high levels of debt that are becoming unmanageable, and i really don't want to have to sell my home and uproot my family and be further away from my daughter (we live local and i take her to school everyday (always have) and only since my son was born has she accepted my new relationship, so she now comes round after school and remains a big part of mine and my "new" families life - she rarely stays overnight, but that is fine as I just like her to be comfortable. I am even thinking to ask my parents for money to lower my debt, but ultimately this doesn't solve my problem, I would just be eating in to my inheritance to support my ex wife.
My question(s) are-
- Is it too late to try to get a variance to the court order?
- Does my salary drop and new family constitute to significant change?
- From my understanding, Global payments are a split between child and spousal maintenance - should I be entitled to pay the spousal maintenance aspect of this when she is more than self sufficient?
- Will it work against me that I took on extra debt to continue the level of payments set out in the order?
Whilst I would prefer to come to an agreement with her, I am sure of another confrontation which may mean I resort to mediation or apply to the courts.
Really don't know what to do, but if things remain as they are, I simply wont be able to afford it, what with my increasing debt and ultimately my stress levels are increasing and my "new family" are not getting the best of me :-(
Any advice or guidance would be appreciated.
Thanks,
P