Advice needed - my exs partner

[Richie1989]

Wasn’t expecting to be asking for advice on this but suppose such things happen.

I have been informed by a very reliable source (his dealer!) that my exs partner of 1 year ish is a regular user of cocaine and weed. I have known for about 2 months but I was so worried about kicking the hornets nest I have taken the time to process and see what is the best way to go around it. I have on a couple of occasions asked my ex partner if her new partner (who I have known for 15 years plus) if he would like to meet for a coffee/pint and put things aside. For us to get on and for me to also ask him about these things. My ex hasn’t even replied and refuses to allow any communication. I have thought about going direct to him and he loves about 4 houses down from my parents. He’s isn’t a bad guy but his behaviour concerns me around my daughter. Does my ex even know? Her avoidance with me offering a olive branch makes me think she does. I don’t know.

What would people do? Similar scenarios…

It just seems so odd with all the hurdles I havnt jumped with regards to allegations and then I find this out. Very concerning!

I am going to try and talk to me ex in confidence about it first before anything else just to see if she is aware etc.

He probably spends around 3-4 days a week around my daughter including over nights. So he is involved in her life which again is great and my daughter likes him but it just doesn’t sit right with me.

Any advice would be great?

 

[Resolute]

It must be very concerning for you. I cannot imagine how I would feel.

I strongly advise against having faith in your ex. If she is not responding to you. Anything you do in confidence is prone to be warped into something else and used against you.

The thing that jumped out to me was you saying he isn't a bad guy. Maybe you could take heart in that. An alright guy that does coke and smokes weed might be better than a wrongun.

I would be very careful about this. If kids tell you about something that has actually happened, rather than fears, you would need to act. But, even then it needs to be done with deliberation.

Sorry to read about this m8

 

[Richie1989]

It must be very concerning for you. I cannot imagine how I would feel.

I strongly advise against having faith in your ex. If she is not responding to you. Anything you do in confidence is prone to be warped into something else and used against you.

The thing that jumped out to me was you saying he isn't a bad guy. Maybe you could take heart in that. An alright guy that does coke and smokes weed might be better than a wrongun.

I would be very careful about this. If kids tell you about something that has actually happened, rather than fears, you would need to act. But, even then it needs to be done with deliberation.

Sorry to read about this m8

Yes this was my thinking as well…

Absolutely agree the ex won’t entertain it at all! crazy hey!