Hello Everyone,
I have a CAFCAS meeting tomorrow regarding an appeal I have over my son's custody and was wondering if anybody could offer some knowledge or general advice that might help me in terms of 'step-parents' and any troubles you might have faced with similar situations.
Some brief background history:
Me and Son's Mother (SM) had quite a bad breakup due to various issues. We were not right together and this mutual decision to end things and put our son first was the right choice. Fast forward years later, I meet a new girlfriend (NG) who I feel works well with me and my son. My son enjoys being around her, she is specialised in NHS training with children, and we worked well as a team of three. When it came to discussing agreements with SM about potentially having my son with a 50/50 custody plan which would stop SM's child maintenance payments, she became stand-offish and made empty promises about signing the new parenting plan. I wanted to be able to spend more time with my son that wasn't just on days when he was at school and could not spend much time with him. I let NG really take the lead in parenting my son which I know was a major fault at this point in time, but back then I felt like she was really making a difference in teaching and disciplining him, so I let her take charge. SM was not happy with the larger involvement of NG in my son's life, but we were still keeping things civil. After some time, we started seeing signs of neglect whenever my son was staying with his mother. He was living in terribly dirty conditions and we felt this wasn't fair. On top of this, SM was also neglecting to inform me about my son's school records, or informing me of doctor's appointments. I felt like I was being punished, and that my son was being punished alongside me, because NG was a part of his life. One day when my son was ill and I dropped him to SM's house, me and NG noticed that his room was filthy and unclean. I voiced this concern to my own mother, who informed me that the room had been in the same condition at least 2 months prior when she dropped my son there. On the next visit when me and NG dropped my son to SM's house, we stepped in to say goodbye and tried to go up to his room to look at a new toy and also see if the room was still in the same state. SM's mother grabbed NG and screamed at her to get out, physically hurting her. Me and NG did not respond to this and left once we ensured that my son had calmed down.
Current situation:
My Son's Mother (SM) is fighting for a 60/40 custody plan which I am appealing in court. There are unfortunately a lot of lies and blame being spread over the care of my son, which has now involved my new girlfriend (NG) who I have mutually separated from in order to focus on my son's case. However, SM's Mother has opened an abuse case against NG for that day which has completely overturned the focus from my son to that incident. NG did not hurt anyone, nor would she ever. I have some evidence of the one sided abuse from SM's mother but not enough to clear NG's name. Whilst this case has been ongoing, NG has been in touch with me to inform she has fallen pregnant with my child. NG is not allowed to see my son as stated by the court, and we have very strictly adhered to that.
I want what's best for my son, but I also want to simultaneously support my new girlfriend (NG) and the wrongful experience she is being put through. Although me and NG are not together at this moment due to the court order (case ongoing), I still want to support her pregnancy and help to clear her from any convictions as she has done nothing but be a supportive role model for my son when my son's mother and even myself have made mistakes.
What should I say to CAFCAS if they ask about my relationship with my new girlfriend? Has anyone had similar issues in regards to co-parenting plans and new partners when it comes to custody? I am struggling to find the right words to express to the lawyers. My focus, of course, is always my son. It's the reason why I am fighting so hard to appeal against my son's mother's unfair 60/40 parent plan. I just need some advice on how to proceed with the case and also help with the wrongful accusations against my new girlfriend which have stemmed over money issues and a general argument over my son's wellbeing.
Any advice or knowledge is welcome, no matter how small. Thank you.
I have a CAFCAS meeting tomorrow regarding an appeal I have over my son's custody and was wondering if anybody could offer some knowledge or general advice that might help me in terms of 'step-parents' and any troubles you might have faced with similar situations.
Some brief background history:
Me and Son's Mother (SM) had quite a bad breakup due to various issues. We were not right together and this mutual decision to end things and put our son first was the right choice. Fast forward years later, I meet a new girlfriend (NG) who I feel works well with me and my son. My son enjoys being around her, she is specialised in NHS training with children, and we worked well as a team of three. When it came to discussing agreements with SM about potentially having my son with a 50/50 custody plan which would stop SM's child maintenance payments, she became stand-offish and made empty promises about signing the new parenting plan. I wanted to be able to spend more time with my son that wasn't just on days when he was at school and could not spend much time with him. I let NG really take the lead in parenting my son which I know was a major fault at this point in time, but back then I felt like she was really making a difference in teaching and disciplining him, so I let her take charge. SM was not happy with the larger involvement of NG in my son's life, but we were still keeping things civil. After some time, we started seeing signs of neglect whenever my son was staying with his mother. He was living in terribly dirty conditions and we felt this wasn't fair. On top of this, SM was also neglecting to inform me about my son's school records, or informing me of doctor's appointments. I felt like I was being punished, and that my son was being punished alongside me, because NG was a part of his life. One day when my son was ill and I dropped him to SM's house, me and NG noticed that his room was filthy and unclean. I voiced this concern to my own mother, who informed me that the room had been in the same condition at least 2 months prior when she dropped my son there. On the next visit when me and NG dropped my son to SM's house, we stepped in to say goodbye and tried to go up to his room to look at a new toy and also see if the room was still in the same state. SM's mother grabbed NG and screamed at her to get out, physically hurting her. Me and NG did not respond to this and left once we ensured that my son had calmed down.
Current situation:
My Son's Mother (SM) is fighting for a 60/40 custody plan which I am appealing in court. There are unfortunately a lot of lies and blame being spread over the care of my son, which has now involved my new girlfriend (NG) who I have mutually separated from in order to focus on my son's case. However, SM's Mother has opened an abuse case against NG for that day which has completely overturned the focus from my son to that incident. NG did not hurt anyone, nor would she ever. I have some evidence of the one sided abuse from SM's mother but not enough to clear NG's name. Whilst this case has been ongoing, NG has been in touch with me to inform she has fallen pregnant with my child. NG is not allowed to see my son as stated by the court, and we have very strictly adhered to that.
I want what's best for my son, but I also want to simultaneously support my new girlfriend (NG) and the wrongful experience she is being put through. Although me and NG are not together at this moment due to the court order (case ongoing), I still want to support her pregnancy and help to clear her from any convictions as she has done nothing but be a supportive role model for my son when my son's mother and even myself have made mistakes.
What should I say to CAFCAS if they ask about my relationship with my new girlfriend? Has anyone had similar issues in regards to co-parenting plans and new partners when it comes to custody? I am struggling to find the right words to express to the lawyers. My focus, of course, is always my son. It's the reason why I am fighting so hard to appeal against my son's mother's unfair 60/40 parent plan. I just need some advice on how to proceed with the case and also help with the wrongful accusations against my new girlfriend which have stemmed over money issues and a general argument over my son's wellbeing.
Any advice or knowledge is welcome, no matter how small. Thank you.