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Very vulnerable and feel afraid. False allegations against me.

Sorry to hear she's been trying to poison the children against you. Make a diary note of what was said. I'm not sure you can do anything at this stage. Best way to handle it is to keep the kids out of the middle and reassure them that this must be a mistake and there is nothing for them to worry about as these are adult matters. What they hear from you is important, don't resort to criticizing the ex back.

Re the solicitors, I would just respond briefly (and your response will also be evidence for later) Eg

"Thank you for your letter. It is untrue that I tried to call Mrs Ex's phone twice on Tuesday - she must be mistaken. And I am not in breach of the undertaking. My phone records will verify this. "

I thought it was an undertaking? Or is it actually a non molestation order? If it is then adjust the wording appropriately, but a short simple, polite denial.
 
Thankyou everyone for your ongoing support, It really means a lot.

I received stbx's statement for the court with her allegations. The document is labelled "Schedule of Findings Sought" and details all her allegations and is basically the same as before. I have space to add my replies to that, obviously denying it all.

I then need to produce my statement which I am doing so. It is so big I wonder if they will even read it! But I find no way to shorten it.

I've then been asked if I want to raise some allegations. Anyone else been in this situation?
I mean I want to say how she is lying through her teeth and that everything she has done has had a huge impact on the kids, but can I do that?

Can I bring up things she has done from the past? She seems to have done so. For example accusing me of something when it is actually her who has done that.

Can I bring up the fact she has killed my pets.

Can I mention that she involves the kids in adult matters?

How much can I throw into this allegations thing?


Many thanks for your help.
 
Hi guys. I’m a bit worried. Not they I’ve done anything wrong but because I naturally worry.
I have to go and answer my bail that is up on Sunday. What happens?

It has been with the CPS for several months now. Stbx claims stalking and coercive behaviour.

I’ve explained everything and reasons.

Thankyou.
 
I don't know what happens, but keeping my fingers crossed for you for Sunday. The main issue sounds to be delay with the CPS.
 
The CPS are notoriously slow, and it could also be delayed because the Police might be taking to long to gather the required material asked for by the police. When you go to answer bail they could extend it or advise that no longer have to answer bail but released under investigation. How many months bail have you been on?
 
Nanaforsonsjustice said:
The CPS are notoriously slow, and it could also be delayed because the Police might be taking to long to gather the required material asked for by the police. When you go to answer bail they could extend it or advise that no longer have to answer bail but released under investigation. How many months bail have you been on?
Click to expand...

Thankyou.
It has been since October and kept being extended.
Now I’ve heard nothing new so going to need to attend.

I just get worried and don’t need this.
I’ve not done anything wrong, have always been there for my stbx and have told them everything.

Stbx claims I was stalking her yet I’ve already mentioned she was driving my kids when not well and also would do random leaving the house ant night and suicide attempts. I with friends were all concerned for her and at no point would I be stalking her on a day to day basis. We were married, I knew where she worked, we shared our lives. It’s crazy.
I’ve always just wanted her to be ok
 
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I think this is fairly standard Mountain Goat - the police keep extending bail until the CPS are done with it, and as Nanaforsonsjustice says - the CPS are notoriously slow.
 
Thankyou. I just hope the fact it is taking ages is because there’s nothing to go on which is the truth in all this.
 
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Well yesterday was an absolute disaster!

The CPS have decided to charge me!

They've "No further action" the stalking allegation but now being charged with Coercive controlling behavior. It's absolute rubbish!

Got to attend court next month and could lose my job over this as I work in a enhanced DBS role.

Absolutely fuming! This is causing massive worry and anxiety. I don't need this.
 
I am really sorry to hear this. Presumably this will be a criminal trial then - find out about the possibility of a free criminal solicitor. You can still win this as I doubt they have much evidence from what you've said. The fact they've dismissed the stalking already weakens that argument I'd have thought.
 
Hi everyone. I hope all you dads are doing ok, especially with Fathers day coming up. It is not a nice time at all.

I hope you don't mind me coming back on here.

As you know the CPS have passed my case to the court. I am ofcourse defending myself and fighting this as it is all made up nonsense.
Co-ercive behaviour and controlling behaviour..... It is all false. I never stopped my stbx going out, doing what she wanted, etc.
Only time I ever told her to stay home was when she was recovering from her seizures and I told her I would take the kids out instead.
On my phone there will be lots of screen shots and video from the CCTV on our home but this was when she accused me of assaulting her so ofcourse I ended up trying to find evidence and prove I didnt do anything. I was also concerned with how my wife got her injuries.

Anyway, we are now due in court for the childcare and fact finding to see if a fact find can go ahead.
The social worker has stated that she is going to do a section 7 report without waiting for the fact find. Is this not compltely wrong!

She has also written a report that I am due to receive which will state where she thinks the kids should live and with who. Ofcourse they are settled at home and their mum is doing everything to look like the perfect person, but what they forget is no one has looked at my evidence and the fact that due to my stbx's allegations and false information, I was thrown out my home. I was a hands on Dad and very capale of looking after my children. Why should she dictate what happens and who the children are with. It is very unfair.
Why shouldnt it be me in my home with the kids.
I'm in this situation due to her lies.
 
It's the way the system is - Mothers come first - especially with Social Services and Cafcass. If you were still in your home she'd probably have gone to a refuge and taken the kids with her and you'd still be getting allegations and probably an occupation order to move you out of the house so she could move back in.

I know you are shocked and outraged, but it's important to understand the system to be able to negotiate it. I wouldn't represent yourself in a criminal trial. Have you tried contacting a criminal solicitor to see if you're entitled to free representation?

As for the section 7 - has the court actually ordered one? It does seem a bit odd to do one without it being ordered. But then social services I think can decide all kinds of things. It's possible though that it might mean a fact find isn't necessary (unless social worker recommends one).
 
Hi everyone,

I wanted to update you all.

So I had the court hearing last week which was meant to be to see if a Finding of Fact could be done.
The court decided it would take too long and instead has decided to plough on and ask the social worker to write a Section7 report.

I'm in two ways about this as the social worker was brought in when there was an allegation of assault from my stbx and she naturally seems to side with her more. I've tried to explain things and am hoping that we can move forward in a good way....the social worker will meet with me. She has never seen me with the children but ofcourse has seen them in their home, with my stbx, all happy and smiling.

Stbx has said the only reason the children were with me is because I am at my parents house and it is them that ensure their safety, hygiene, and well being. This is ofcourse complete rubbish.

I have now not seen my children in nearly 2 months as stbx is saying that I cant see them anymore. She says I have done 3 things:

1) That I restrained my child. This is true and as she will know herself there have been times when we've had to pick him up. From a very early age he would bolt and run off. We now know this is when he finds things difficult and due to his autism. A few weeks ago when the children were with me he got fustrated and ran towards the road. I had to pick him up and struggle to bring him inside for his own safety, where he could then calm down.

2) She says the children are worried about what could happen to them after what happened to their mum. This is wrong on so many levels. Not only is it highly inaproporiate to be telling the children such things, it is also completly false and actual manipulation!
She told the kids I had thrown her on the patio concrete and pushed and hit her.
So naturally the children are deeply worried. They shouldnt even be thinking about this, especially since it never happened.
The court told both parties not to implicate the children in ault matters or matters relating to the court proceedings. She has completely ignored this.

3) The children overheard an argument between me and my mum. I'm a grown adult living back at home so ofcourse sometimes we disagaree.
I do recognise however I need to make sure the hcildren don't hear this.

Does this really sound like the right reasons for her to stop me seeing the children? She has even told the children I was really busy and couldnt make it for Fathers day. Again, this is compltely false and puts ideas into my cildrens minds that I dont wantto see them which is compltely not true.

She wants me to have supervised access but from what I'm describing it is crazy that she can even go down this route!
 
Hi MountainGoat,

I was thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were getting on. Sorry to hear you are still having a rough time.

I’m still so early on in the process (haven’t had my first hearing yet) so don’t really know what to advise. I suppose it could be considered positive if the social worker is willing to meet you and see you with your kids.

Our cases seem quite similar (allegations of assault and controlling and coercive behaviour) and the social worker in mine quite clearly biased towards mum and has no interest in meeting me. She takes ex’s allegations as gospel! I think from what i’ve gleaned on here is that if the social worker is biased and writes the s7, you may be able to get a good barrister to undermine the report as flawed.

I wonder if in your case having some interim supervised time, say via a family centre, may be advantageous in addition to meeting the social worker? That way, if you get glowing contact centre reports they may help you in court. I’ve had a very positive report back so far which I’m hoping may help. It might be worth googling local contact centres and trying to speak to your Stbx’s solicitor about setting one up. That way, at least some time with your kids can resume and you can hopefully get some good reports. If she refuses I guess this could go against her as she is then not even allowing supervised contact.

Like I say, I’m very early in with the process so others are likely to give better advice.

Have you had your criminal case hearing yet? That is probably another big spanner in the works (I’m awaiting a decision with the CPS) which will no doubt be hampering things.
 
All the points the stbx has made are classic vague 'concerns'. Sounds very much like my partners ex.

When you have your interview with cafcass for the S7 you state exactly what you have said above.

1) They now all know your son is autistic so know the challenges that entails. You were doing what any parent would do if their kid was about to bolt out into the road. Just explain that.

2) Dispute this allegation and say you're worried the chilrens mother is telling them this sort of thing.

3) LOL. Omg adults argue!! These mothers act like children can't ever witness a raised voice or a family niggle. It sounds like your kids are being trained to report back to their mother on what happens in your family home. Another classic tactic used by exs.


Do you have a way of getting in contact with the children? A letter, text or phone call? I appreciate it's difficult but if you can get any correspondence across in any form it's a small step at damage control.

Are any of the kids on WhatsApp? I find a good way of letting little bits of news across is to post on the updates section on WhatsApp and you can see if the kids have viewed it.

Be prepared for the long haul with this but you're stronger than you think 💪
 
MountainGoat said:
Hi everyone,

I wanted to update you all.

So I had the court hearing last week which was meant to be to see if a Finding of Fact could be done.
The court decided it would take too long and instead has decided to plough on and ask the social worker to write a Section7 report.

I'm in two ways about this as the social worker was brought in when there was an allegation of assault from my stbx and she naturally seems to side with her more. I've tried to explain things and am hoping that we can move forward in a good way....the social worker will meet with me. She has never seen me with the children but ofcourse has seen them in their home, with my stbx, all happy and smiling.

Stbx has said the only reason the children were with me is because I am at my parents house and it is them that ensure their safety, hygiene, and well being. This is ofcourse complete rubbish.

I have now not seen my children in nearly 2 months as stbx is saying that I cant see them anymore. She says I have done 3 things:

1) That I restrained my child. This is true and as she will know herself there have been times when we've had to pick him up. From a very early age he would bolt and run off. We now know this is when he finds things difficult and due to his autism. A few weeks ago when the children were with me he got fustrated and ran towards the road. I had to pick him up and struggle to bring him inside for his own safety, where he could then calm down.

2) She says the children are worried about what could happen to them after what happened to their mum. This is wrong on so many levels. Not only is it highly inaproporiate to be telling the children such things, it is also completly false and actual manipulation!
She told the kids I had thrown her on the patio concrete and pushed and hit her.
So naturally the children are deeply worried. They shouldnt even be thinking about this, especially since it never happened.
The court told both parties not to implicate the children in ault matters or matters relating to the court proceedings. She has completely ignored this.

3) The children overheard an argument between me and my mum. I'm a grown adult living back at home so ofcourse sometimes we disagaree.
I do recognise however I need to make sure the hcildren don't hear this.

Does this really sound like the right reasons for her to stop me seeing the children? She has even told the children I was really busy and couldnt make it for Fathers day. Again, this is compltely false and puts ideas into my cildrens minds that I dont wantto see them which is compltely not true.

She wants me to have supervised access but from what I'm describing it is crazy that she can even go down this route!
Click to expand...

I had a FF dismissed from my case to begin with. The S7 was carried out and the ex went to town with false allegations.

The S7 then stated that they need a factual matrix (a FF hearing) to determine.

The judge then said that a separate FF was unnecessary and opted for a combined final hearing (FF and final hearing)
 
If this was an interim hearing, presumably no interim time was ordered because the ex wouldn't agree? Section 7's can take a long time so that's a long time without seeing the kids. Were you represented at the interim hearing? Just wondering if it's worth submitting a C2 to ask for supervised interim time.
 
Thankyou everyone for your comments.

Unfortunately the social worker is quite biased towards my ex and doesnt seem to take any concerns of mine seriously.
Back when she got me arrested citing that I'd slammed her through the conservatory door, punched her, and on to the concrete before pulling her up by the arms, plus stating that she was suffering from domestic abuse, she then told police officers that if I was not to return home so we could sort this out as a family or if bail conditions were issued, then she would harm herself.
This should have been an instant safeguarding referral, especially as she was looking after the children.
I have had to insist on meetings with the social worker and at no point has she seen how much the children have fun and like being with me, or see the sadness on their faces when they have to go home.

I have never had a barrister. Are they expensive? Would you recommend one for when it is the final hearing? I litterally have nothing.
Luckily I am being helped by a Mcenzie friend.

The criminal court hearing is in a few weeks. I've been told it could drag on and on. It is completly ridiculous.
Co-ercive and controlling behaviour!
She said I would spy on her via our home CCTV. Funny that she never mentioned this for the past 4 years we were there. Said I stalked her with FindmyiPhone when we used this to check our family was ok and she got me to add her on it.
Then there is the fact she argues I stalked her with an air tag when it was purchased when she did a suicide attempt and was driving my kids around when she was having epilepsy seizures each evening. Why on earth would I want to stalk my own wife!
I even have the proof of when the tag was purchased, which is at the time she did the suicide attempt.

Sadly there is no other way to contact the children. They don't have phones and are still too young for that.
I miss them terribly.

DadLad......How did you feel about the Fact Find being dismissed? This really P'd me off. No one seems to be taking my evidence seriously or willing to hear it.

Ash, I am no longer represented. I can't afford it. I just have a Mcenzie friend with me and they have been a huge support as I am a nervous wreck.
 
Do you have anyone representing you for the criminal hearing? I’m not that up in this but I thought you were always entitled to a lawyer if it’s a criminal matter (via legal aid).

Yes it’s a good idea to have a barrister for a final hearing - it’s quite a crucial time where the outcome can affect yours and the kids lives. A barrister is also an advocate - they speak for you (which a McKenzie friend can’t). They can say things you can’t say - they can persuade Judges with clever arguments using caselaw. If you can possibly raise or borrow about 4k for a barrister for a final hearing it could save years of headache.

It’s xxit that we have to pay all that money to see our kids but it’s the way the law works in these situations with difficult exes.

Having said that - it needs to be the right person (barrister).
 
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