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Struggling - daughter witheld and allegations

uzzy41

Well-known member
Hi , I am new to this forum, I’m struggling finding it very difficult 😞.

Me and my ex had a informal agreement , 50/50 been looking after my daughter since 9 months old and now she’s turned 3 . Cut the long story short she put a non molestation order against me with my daughters name on it , however on Monday 16th of May , I managed to get my daughters name of the non molestation . I have a further hearing now because she did not submit the statement with evidence, clear b***** , at the same time as the non molestation order she did the c100 form and a c1a form so in the interim she has custody . The problem I have cafcass take months to come out by that time my connection with my daughter will be lost. I’m fighting for the non molestation order to be removed against my ex , I counter acted her alleged accusations.

I don’t know what to do or who to turn too.

The system seems to be very much on the mother’s side
 
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uzzy41

Well-known member
The system is so messed up ,I don’t even know where to start I feel like crying , my fiasco has just started two weeks ago it looks like I’m not gonna see my daughter for years.
 
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StayStrong

Well-known member
Uzzy....I'm really sorry for you to read this and what is happening.

You have support here, but rather than come into this thread, please can I suggest you copy your two messages above and begin a new thread in the section 'Child arrangements......"?

Thanks, SS.

Edit by Ash - new thread started here :)
 
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Kyle

Well-known member
Uzzy you'll get plenty of support from the guys on here. I'll share everything I experience in the hope it helps other dads fight their cause.

Start your own thread so your situation get's the specific attention it deserves and you can be guided on this unfortunate journey.

There's nothing to be ashamed of at feeling emotional my friend. These are our children we're fighting for. Don't bottle that up or you'll suffer the same as me which was a total anxiety melt down. I've learned from that and manage the hurt more effectively now by letting it out when I need too and doing as many things that make me happy as I can until my court hearing.

Your connection with your daughter can never be lost because her DNA is 50% you and nothing can ever change that.
 
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Ash

Administrator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Hi Uzzy. I'll post more later. You'll get a lot of help on here to negotiate your way through this and it shouldn't take years. Don't despair. It's nasty, it's stressful but you just need to jump through hoops and get through the system and see your daughter again and have an order.

One question. You've received the C100 and C1A - there should be a C7 response form for you. Have you completed that yet? You might need some help with what to put on it.

First tip which I think all members who've been through the system would agree with is - don't accuse the ex of anything! Even if it's true. UNLESS you have strong evidence - such as a social services report.
 

uzzy41

Well-known member
Uzzy you'll get plenty of support from the guys on here. I'll share everything I experience in the hope it helps other dads fight their cause.

Start your own thread so your situation get's the specific attention it deserves and you can be guided on this unfortunate journey.

There's nothing to be ashamed of at feeling emotional my friend. These are our children we're fighting for. Don't bottle that up or you'll suffer the same as me which was a total anxiety melt down. I've learned from that and manage the hurt more effectively now by letting it out when I need too and doing as many things that make me happy as I can until my court hearing.

Your connection with your daughter can never be lost because her DNA is 50% you and nothing can ever change that.
Thanks for the reply , it happened so quickly , I just got a link from the courts on at 4:30pm on the 9th , with in a few a seconds later I had the non molestation order. The prohibited order was granted to my ex ( in the interim ) . The judge said he will wait for cafcass and safe guarding reports etc . Which will take 6 months plus . How is it the best interest of the child when I was more like the primary carer , my ex suffers from mental health , so she’s playing the victim card and using her mental health to her advantage. Police checks are getting doing for our second hearing for the non molestation order . By the way this has only started on the 4th of May and it took me by surprise.

Allegations after allegations , i just have to keep defending my self .
 

uzzy41

Well-known member
Thanks for the reply , it happened so quickly , I just got a link from the courts on at 4:30pm on the 9th , with in a few a seconds later I had the non molestation order. The prohibited order was granted to my ex ( in the interim ) . The judge said he will wait for cafcass and safe guarding reports etc . Which will take 6 months plus . How is it the best interest of the child when I was more like the primary carer , my ex suffers from mental health , so she’s playing the victim card and using her mental health to her advantage. Police checks are getting doing for our second hearing for the non molestation order . By the way this has only started on the 4th of May and it took me by surprise.

Allegations after allegations , i just have to keep defending my self .
What’s the chances of me getting the non molestation order dismissed ?
 

Kyle

Well-known member
Important question from Ash above; "You've received the C100 and C1A - there should be a C7 response form for you. Have you completed that yet? You might need some help with what to put on it."

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm the rational one who functions and my ex is "extreme." My son is trapped in her chaos, not safe with his dad. The system is ineffective. Like many systems in this ever increasing underfunded understaffed mess of a country. The wheels turn slowly but they do turn.

You need get expert with the system and it's processes. Then you can handle everything that comes your way.

The problem with false allegations, like all lies, they're never going to be supported by proof, because these events never happened. It's important not to ever forget that.

My response to the false allegations against me should they present themselves in my FHDRA won't get the reaction she is hoping for. I'll simply respond with a very calm; "that is simply not true."
 
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uzzy41

Well-known member
Important question from Ash above; "You've received the C100 and C1A - there should be a C7 response form for you. Have you completed that yet? You might need some help with what to put on it."

I'm in the same boat as you. I'm the rational one who functions and my ex is "extreme." My son is trapped in her chaos, not safe with his dad. The system is ineffective. Like many systems in this ever increasing underfunded understaffed mess of a country. The wheels turn slowly but they do turn.

You need get expert with the system and it's processes. Then you can handle everything that comes your way.

The problem with false allegations, like all lies, they're never going to be supported by proof, because these events never happened. It's important not to ever forget that.

My response to the false allegations against me should they present themselves in my FHDRA won't get the reaction she is hoping for. I'll simply respond with a very calm; "that is simply not true."
My ex already had the prohibited sets order granted to her in the interim but not final , due to her allegations , I couldn’t fight it because she put the non molestation order in at the same time . So the c7 form wouldn’t be necessary for me , correct me if im wrong
 

Hackedoff_dad

Well-known member
So I was due a FDRA court hearing this month, just got a letter from the court, due to staff shortages its now going to be October, another kick in the bollocks
 

mva

Well-known member
The delays in family court are an absolute disgrace . Parents mainly dads have to wait years to get any resolution and loose precious time / memories with their kids . Kids live in the moment and lack of contact becomes the norm and move on without a parent in their lives . It’s a National scandal. Each one of my hearings was about 6 months apart
 

uzzy41

Well-known member
The delays in family court are an absolute disgrace . Parents mainly dads have to wait years to get any resolution and loose precious time / memories with their kids . Kids live in the moment and lack of contact becomes the norm and move on without a parent in their lives . It’s a National scandal. Each one of my hearings was about 6 months apart
Omg , I feel like already giving up , how stupid is that 6 months apart
 

uzzy41

Well-known member
Omg , I feel like already giving up , how stupid is that 6 months apart
I was an active father looking after my daughter 3 nights and 4 days , by the time my court dates will
Come , ill
Have no chance for shared custody.
 

Ash

Administrator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Ok - so to help you get this dealt with as quickly as possible, we need to understand what happened when. I don't quite understand from your info above.

Is this correct?

1) You had at least 50/50 care time for over two years.
2) Out of the blue something happened. What happened first? Did she stop contact first and then you receive details of the NMO?
3) What did you receive first. And NMO order? An ex parte prohibited steps order? It's important to know which and what they said. You say initially she included your daughter but now what does it say? Is it just to prohibit you from going near your ex.
4) The NMO would have been an urgent ex parte hearing - there should be another hearing after that for you to defend it.
5) Likewise with a prohibited steps order - if it was ex parte (ie only she was there), there should be another hearing to hear your side of it.
6) You say she also submitted a C100 and a C1A.

This all sounds a bit weird. Why would she need both an NMO and a prohibited steps order? The C100 was presumably for Child Arrangements to exclude you with the C1A accusing abuse of your child?

7) Did she attach any evidence to the C1A? If not then the court may not take it seriously.

8) Don't understand what you mean when you say you got a "link". Have you had any paperwork?
9) If she has submitted a C100 for Child Arrangements you will have received court papers through the post (or possibly online?) and there is always a C7 for you to respond to. No justice system would prevent you responding in any way at all.

10) What happened to change things? Some argument or incident? Had she just met a new partner or just got married?

11) Have you recently met a new partner or got married?

12) Have social services been involved at any stage?

Sorry to ask so many questions but it helps us to be clear to know how to advise you as to what happens next.

What should happen next is:

1) A further hearing for the NMO and Prohibited steps - they might be rolled into one hearing.
2) A separate hearing for the C100 - that is likely to be a gatekeeping hearing - which takes place AFTER you have a Cafcass phone interview. A gatekeeping hearing is between Cafcass and a court official to decide what next - ie does it go to a first hearing or to a fact find or whatever.
 

Ash

Administrator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Understand you must feel overwhelmed and are being hit by all these things. This is also a deliberate tactic to make you feel overwhelmed and they or she will hope you will just give up and go away. Intimidation. Assuming there are genuinely no serious welfare concerns. If social services have not been involved it sounds like there is no actual evidence and this is all just your ex telling things to the court. The court will always issue an immediate protection order just in case there is any risk of harm - but that is why, after the first urgent order, there is a follow up hearing to hear your side of it.

It is very very common for an ex to apply for an ex parte non molestation order to prevent you seeing the kids. But it seems strange it is happening after all this time. Unless you know of some significant change or incident, I would suspect this is because your daughter will start school when she turns 4. Maybe this September? In that sense a) you are no longer useful for babysitting b) it suits her to be the only parent involved with school c) some other reason as well.

Please don't sit there thinking of all the worse case scenarios. Yes your ex is doing everything possible to cause delays in the system. But that doesn't mean you won't have a first hearing quite quickly. Some of that depends on what region you're in. What region are you in? One Dad on here had a hearing date back in less than 2 weeks. Gatekeeping hearing was about 7 weeks away. In many cases a first hearing is quick after a gatekeeping hearing. Maybe 2 weeks, maybe 4 to 6 weeks. Some areas will be slower than others and some will depend on what happens re the Cafcass calls.

It's important to keep feeling positive and proactive. Not easy when you have the emotional stuff of having your daughter witheld as well but try and compartmentalise the practical side from the emotional side, at different times of the day.

To help with keeping focused on the practical side, start gathering evidence and documents together and put them in a big lever arch folder with coloured dividers for organisation - you can build that up as you go along.

Print out any emails and screenshot and print out, any texts that may be useful. Eg any arrangements for your daughter since you separated (eg communications showing how often you had your daughter, amicable arrangements etc). Any receipts or other documents you have from any days out, holidays, trips to visit family, you had with your daughter. Eg if you still have the train ticket or receipt for it, or an email confirmation of a booking. Dig out any emails or texts to friends or family, telling them what you did with your daughter on some occasions - eg play dates, fun times, significant moments etc. Write to your daughter's GP and ask for information on any recent diagnoses or medical issues for your daughter.

If you haven't had contact with your daughter's GP, then use the template letter from here (it can be edited/adapted to what you want to say but is just an example). If you don't know your daughter's GP then phone one GP surgery in the area where your ex lives and ask the receptionist for the names of all the GP practices in the catchment area of your ex;s home. Depending on where you live there are probably only 3 or 4 in the catchment area. You then send the initial letter to all of them - and see which one replies!

You can't show any evidence till a later stage, but it helps to get organised as soon as possible and helps to focus your mind on things before the Cafcass call and remember you had a perfectly normal parenting relationship for over two years.

 
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Ash

Administrator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Also - what exactly are you being accused of? So you can start putting together evidence to undermine that accusation.
 

uzzy41

Well-known member
Ok - so to help you get this dealt with as quickly as possible, we need to understand what happened when. I don't quite understand from your info above.

Is this correct?

1) You had at least 50/50 care time for over two years.
2) Out of the blue something happened. What happened first? Did she stop contact first and then you receive details of the NMO?
3) What did you receive first. And NMO order? An ex parte prohibited steps order? It's important to know which and what they said. You say initially she included your daughter but now what does it say? Is it just to prohibit you from going near your ex.
4) The NMO would have been an urgent ex parte hearing - there should be another hearing after that for you to defend it.
5) Likewise with a prohibited steps order - if it was ex parte (ie only she was there), there should be another hearing to hear your side of it.
6) You say she also submitted a C100 and a C1A.

This all sounds a bit weird. Why would she need both an NMO and a prohibited steps order? The C100 was presumably for Child Arrangements to exclude you with the C1A accusing abuse of your child?

7) Did she attach any evidence to the C1A? If not then the court may not take it seriously.

8) Don't understand what you mean when you say you got a "link". Have you had any paperwork?
9) If she has submitted a C100 for Child Arrangements you will have received court papers through the post (or possibly online?) and there is always a C7 for you to respond to. No justice system would prevent you responding in any way at all.

10) What happened to change things? Some argument or incident? Had she just met a new partner or just got married?

11) Have you recently met a new partner or got married?

12) Have social services been involved at any stage?

Sorry to ask so many questions but it helps us to be clear to know how to advise you as to what happens next.

What should happen next is:

1) A further hearing for the NMO and Prohibited steps - they might be rolled into one hearing.
2) A separate hearing for the C100 - that is likely to be a gatekeeping hearing - which takes place AFTER you have a Cafcass phone interview. A gatekeeping hearing is between Cafcass and a court official to decide what next - ie does it go to a first hearing or to a fact find or whatever.
Sorry my head has not been in the right place


1) i had an informal agreement of 50/50 since we separated since the end oct 2019, however she tried to put NMO 10th oct 2019 which got dismissed as she never turned up to court she made allegation that she is fearful of her life and my daughters life etc etc , a few weeks alter we went on holiday with me. .
2)May 3rd, usual point of contact for the handover she looked pissed off , i just took my daughter to doctors that day just for a normal check up because she's been not well recently she had scarlet fever going back a fews ago . 3rd of may after i dropped her off, i got a email saying she has concerns of her well being and she wanted to go to court or mediation to get the arrangement legally binding she also wanted to change the days again , the email went to my junk mail and i replied back the next day, and organised a mediator to get in touch with her.
3)Monday 9th i received an email from the county court @4:30 pm for an hearing for the next day @10:30am , at the same time i got message from the baliffs for NMO, ( both ex parte ) i only received the paper work c100 c1a from her solicitors at 9am, so i instructed a solicitor at very short notice for the prohibited sets order ( which was granted to her )
4) 16th of may i had a hearing for the NMO , the judge said her statement is disjointed and she needs to produce a statement and evidence within the next 14 days , and i have to respond to her allegations again . controlling behaviour , financial control, abuse ( the normal stuff to get an order ) the judge said to her solicitor you have no evidence to why my daughters is on the NMO , the solicitor never responded and that was dismissed. so i get another chance to try and get the NMO dismissed against my ex. IMO it should have got dismissed on the day
5) because she had the NMO in place we had no where to turn to , it happened so fast, im waiting for Cafcass to get in touch now
6) c100 and c1a form was served to me on the 9th and the hearing was the next day as mentioned above

7)No evidence was attached, my ex suffers from mental health , basically i did not want to change the days , but recently the communication between me and her was non existence.
8) i meant a zoom link , i had to chase the paper work from her solicitors and court to see what allegations she's made ( all the allegations are baseless )
9) the prohibited steps order has been granted to her for the interim
10) i stopped sharing all the activities i was doing with my daughter , i wanted some privacy , she used to stress me out , i have hundreds of messages from her swearing at me
11) Nothing has changed for me
12) no social services have been involved, recently my daughter had scarlet fever , it was over a bank holiday so i rang 111 and they advised someone called the previous day ( which was my ex ) she never told me so i was frustrated but i managed to get out of calls doctors appointment and got the medicine required for my daughter ( the next day on handover she said she text me but i never got her message )


i have messages printed out where she has stated that " my mental health is not good can i pick my daughter up as she cant look after her " i have a few of these , i have so much its unbelievable telling me i am a great dad etc etc , i think she's having an episode, basically i had an affair going back in 2019 , she was blackmailing me to a certain extent and guilting me to pay for everything. ( how's that financial control )
.
on the 10th of may for the prohibited steps order hearing , she agreed to let me have video contact 3 times a week for me to speak to my daughter , (in front of the judge) her solicitor emailed my solicitor saying its not a order from the judge its her consent and she can withdraw it anytime, and guess what after the 16th NMO hearing she stopped the video contact . Her solicitors said my client is feeling very stressed out therefore she will not be continuing with the video contact.

She does suffer from mental health for 17 years now
 

Ash

Administrator
Staff member
Super Moderator
Ok so it's all about nothing. It started after you went on holiday (which she didn't like - common). It started up again when you took your daughter to the GP. Some of this could have been sorted at mediation probably if she hadn't applied for the NMO. While either parent can take the child to the Doctors, it's usually recommended to inform the other parent by text around the same time and update them, out of courtesy and just to avoid communication issues and bad feeling. But it sounds like mainly she just got wound up and decided to get rid of you. And I bet the upcoming schooling will be in her mind as well.

Do you have a partner? That is another common reason for trying to keep sole control.

What was the prohibited steps order actually prohibiting? These orders can be for different things.

All of these orders are temporary at the moment.

So on 30th May you have the next NMO hearing, is that right? It would be good to get that overturned. Presumably if you do get it overturned, you could ask for the prohibited steps order to be cancelled at the same time (you'll need legal advice on that point) as it would then be irrelevant. No harm in being robust and asking for that at the same time. Make the best opportunity of this upcoming hearing.

i stopped sharing all the activities i was doing with my daughter , i wanted some privacy , she used to stress me out

Didn't quite get that bit. Do you mean you stopped seeing your daughter altogether because your ex was stressing you out? I completely get that feeling, but it's never good to decline time with your child. However, how long was this period? If just a week or two it can be explained by ill health/stress.
 

uzzy41

Well-known member
Understand you must feel overwhelmed and are being hit by all these things. This is also a deliberate tactic to make you feel overwhelmed and they or she will hope you will just give up and go away. Intimidation. Assuming there are genuinely no serious welfare concerns. If social services have not been involved it sounds like there is no actual evidence and this is all just your ex telling things to the court. The court will always issue an immediate protection order just in case there is any risk of harm - but that is why, after the first urgent order, there is a follow up hearing to hear your side of it.

It is very very common for an ex to apply for an ex parte non molestation order to prevent you seeing the kids. But it seems strange it is happening after all this time. Unless you know of some significant change or incident, I would suspect this is because your daughter will start school when she turns 4. Maybe this September? In that sense a) you are no longer useful for babysitting b) it suits her to be the only parent involved with school c) some other reason as well.

Please don't sit there thinking of all the worse case scenarios. Yes your ex is doing everything possible to cause delays in the system. But that doesn't mean you won't have a first hearing quite quickly. Some of that depends on what region you're in. What region are you in? One Dad on here had a hearing date back in less than 2 weeks. Gatekeeping hearing was about 7 weeks away. In many cases a first hearing is quick after a gatekeeping hearing. Maybe 2 weeks, maybe 4 to 6 weeks. Some areas will be slower than others and some will depend on what happens re the Cafcass calls.

It's important to keep feeling positive and proactive. Not easy when you have the emotional stuff of having your daughter witheld as well but try and compartmentalise the practical side from the emotional side, at different times of the day.

To help with keeping focused on the practical side, start gathering evidence and documents together and put them in a big lever arch folder with coloured dividers for organisation - you can build that up as you go along.

Print out any emails and screenshot and print out, any texts that may be useful. Eg any arrangements for your daughter since you separated (eg communications showing how often you had your daughter, amicable arrangements etc). Any receipts or other documents you have from any days out, holidays, trips to visit family, you had with your daughter. Eg if you still have the train ticket or receipt for it, or an email confirmation of a booking. Dig out any emails or texts to friends or family, telling them what you did with your daughter on some occasions - eg play dates, fun times, significant moments etc. Write to your daughter's GP and ask for information on any recent diagnoses or medical issues for your daughter.

If you haven't had contact with your daughter's GP, then use the template letter from here (it can be edited/adapted to what you want to say but is just an example). If you don't know your daughter's GP then phone one GP surgery in the area where your ex lives and ask the receptionist for the names of all the GP practices in the catchment area of your ex;s home. Depending on where you live there are probably only 3 or 4 in the catchment area. You then send the initial letter to all of them - and see which one replies!

You can't show any evidence till a later stage, but it helps to get organised as soon as possible and helps to focus your mind on things before the Cafcass call and remember you had a perfectly normal parenting relationship for over two years.

Ok so it's all about nothing. It started after you went on holiday (which she didn't like - common). It started up again when you took your daughter to the GP. Some of this could have been sorted at mediation probably if she hadn't applied for the NMO. While either parent can take the child to the Doctors, it's usually recommended to inform the other parent by text around the same time and update them, out of courtesy and just to avoid communication issues and bad feeling. But it sounds like mainly she just got wound up and decided to get rid of you. And I bet the upcoming schooling will be in her mind as well.

Do you have a partner? That is another common reason for trying to keep sole control.

What was the prohibited steps order actually prohibiting? These orders can be for different things.

All of these orders are temporary at the moment.

So on 30th May you have the next NMO hearing, is that right? It would be good to get that overturned. Presumably if you do get it overturned, you could ask for the prohibited steps order to be cancelled at the same time (you'll need legal advice on that point) as it would then be irrelevant. No harm in being robust and asking for that at the same time. Make the best opportunity of this upcoming hearing.



Didn't quite get that bit. Do you mean you stopped seeing your daughter altogether because your ex was stressing you out? I completely get that feeling, but it's never good to decline time with your child. However, how long was this period? If just a week or two it can be explained by ill health/stress.
Didn't quite get that bit. Do you mean you stopped seeing your daughter altogether because your ex was stressing you out? I completely get that feeling, but it's never good to decline time with your child. However, how long was this period? If just a week or two it can be explained by ill health/stress.

I used to send her mum pictures and videos , and telling her what me and my daughter doing , but i slowly stopped sharing my time with my daughter with her.
 
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