My ex was with my 4 year old daughter in Poland for the Xmas holidays. She was supposed to come back the second week but when I called her a few days before she came, she was saying that they were fine in Poland and suggested they will stay there, needless to say, I mentioned that my daugther's place was with her dad in the UK and that she was free to stay there and she didnt want me to have to do something formal to bring them back so she said she would come. We had talked in December about kicking off the process of separating so it was going to happen in January.
A few days after she had come back, I found her crying and I asked what was going on. She said she had suicidal thoughts and she never thought she would be separated and stuck in the UK with kid with no support, so I said that she should have thought it better before having a kid in a different country. This is the first time I heard I was an emotional abuser and that she had been in November in a women's aid course. At first I laughed it off but I should have started recording.
I visited a lawyer after that and she said I had to get out of the flat asap.
She started after that picking up arguments for whatever reason, then, one day decided that she was "with no energy" during the weekends first and during the week after, she took 5 weeks off work for having long covid she said (when she had said to the GP that she had panic attacks because of me). During that time I had to look for a flat and take care of my daughter everyday. As some point I found she was faking it, one Saturday morning she was having a tea and watching Netflix in her bed. I said to her that she had to take care of our daughter because otherwise I couldn't move out (in fact I had lost a property that was suitable near by because of having my daughter with me). She recovered magically a few days later.
We had the first MIAM session with a mediator of my ex's choosing. It happened because I had to insist in getting another mediator if she wasnt agreeing a meeting with hers. I was supposed to have the second session before I moved out but she didnt book it, I thought at that point that it was a misunderstanding. Mediator mentioned we needed to talk together to our daughter that I was moving out.
I found a house and put deposit for a house to move out in February and then it failed because the tenant wasnt going out and two weeks later I found another one that was going to be available on the 24th of March. At the point I had the second flat I went on holiday with my daughter for two weeks to Spain (daughter didnt want to contact mum as usual and i had to put her on the phone). I finally moved out on the 28th of March. The day I was moving out my daughter came to me and ask me if I had another house and I was going to take her TV. I asked my ex why she said to my daughter about me moving out and not together as we were supposed to, she said I didnt want to tell her!.
Since I moved out, the first week my daughter had a cold and my ex didn't want me to have her at home. the following week she said she was going to the office and dropped my daughter in my house the following day, then I had her during the weekend.
I was tempted to keep my daughter with me so I reversed the situation but lawyer suggested not to do anything radical. Court is on women's side regardless what they do
the second week, she tried again to drop her again on Friday because of her having to go to the office but this time I refused because she said it to me the previous day and I had some deliveries to the house. I also asked for my daughter to stay overnight during the week and my ex said that I didnt have to be impatient.
the third week I asked again and she said I was leaving to far away and it would be a lot of travelling for my daughter, I live less than 15miles from her (30 mins max in peak hours, normally 20 mins). So no overnight during the week.
the third week I took a week off and said to my ex I will have her since I was off. My daughter started saying my house was too far, it was full of slugs at that point.
I had to take her back to school on thursday since my daughter wanted to. I had her again during the weekend.
The following week we had the second session of the mediator and I mentioned for the first time that my ex was manipulating my daughter. Mediator said it's just something kids say. It was actually good, because my ex only wanted me to have visitations and the mediator told her off and established a schedule for two weeks.
I did religiously the schedule but the first week I had her with me my daughter started saying she didnt want to stay with me, so I had to take her to my ex. During the weekend i kept her but she kept saying she loved mom and want to go with her. I realised that having videoconference during bath time was causing my daughter to start crying.
the last Sunday, we took X to doctors and I was supposed to take her home when my ex in front of her in the car said she didnt want me to take her. I said it was in the Mediator's schedule. She checked and started doing a circus with my daughter crying wanting to go with her mom, I took her home. Daughter calmed down.
Two weeks passed and Mediator didnt reschedule the third round, I had to contact her, they gave us a date again for a week and a half, during that time, I had her during the weekend because ex wouldnt allow me to have my daughter overnight. that Saturday I had her, I didnt call or message my ex, I had a message and a missed call around bed time, 7.30pm. Ex was saying she wanted to see my daughter, I said it would cause her to get upset and wanted to go, she treated with sentences like you don't want me to have access to my child, so I put her on video and child started trembling and saying I love mom I love mom. It was unbeliable.
Since she postpone the next mediator session just one day before the date after asking her several times to confirm the date for a session a month after. At that point I asked the mediator to give me the form to go to court. I received it on Wednesday and Ex on Friday said she wanted to relocate to poland and was going to say I was abusing her and the child, the same friday I got my application to court for risk of child abduction, parent alienation and 50/50 custody.
Now, she only wants me to have my daughter during Weekends 8am to 8pm and I have been doing this for a few weeks but now after all these weeks suffering this mistreatment I have asked my ex to have overnight when I take my daughter. She has in the middle has accused me again of being aggressive and overwhelming in my comms (supervised by a lawyer so no aggression whatsoever). So now comms happen Lawyer to lawyer.
Last week, ex also contracted COVID and didn't want me to take my daughter and return her when she was recovered, soI didn't see my daughter.
This week I insisted again on contact with overnight and again the same answer. I have already spent 7k. My question for you is, does it worth having no contact and wait for court to say something or ask CAFCASS to do something about this? I feel if things carry on like this, I will have to get a loan to pay for the lawyer fees at this point or I will be seen that I dont want to have contact because insisting for overnight (things are getting twisted all the time). What would you suggest?
What do you think about Fathers4justice or something similar?
A few days after she had come back, I found her crying and I asked what was going on. She said she had suicidal thoughts and she never thought she would be separated and stuck in the UK with kid with no support, so I said that she should have thought it better before having a kid in a different country. This is the first time I heard I was an emotional abuser and that she had been in November in a women's aid course. At first I laughed it off but I should have started recording.
I visited a lawyer after that and she said I had to get out of the flat asap.
She started after that picking up arguments for whatever reason, then, one day decided that she was "with no energy" during the weekends first and during the week after, she took 5 weeks off work for having long covid she said (when she had said to the GP that she had panic attacks because of me). During that time I had to look for a flat and take care of my daughter everyday. As some point I found she was faking it, one Saturday morning she was having a tea and watching Netflix in her bed. I said to her that she had to take care of our daughter because otherwise I couldn't move out (in fact I had lost a property that was suitable near by because of having my daughter with me). She recovered magically a few days later.
We had the first MIAM session with a mediator of my ex's choosing. It happened because I had to insist in getting another mediator if she wasnt agreeing a meeting with hers. I was supposed to have the second session before I moved out but she didnt book it, I thought at that point that it was a misunderstanding. Mediator mentioned we needed to talk together to our daughter that I was moving out.
I found a house and put deposit for a house to move out in February and then it failed because the tenant wasnt going out and two weeks later I found another one that was going to be available on the 24th of March. At the point I had the second flat I went on holiday with my daughter for two weeks to Spain (daughter didnt want to contact mum as usual and i had to put her on the phone). I finally moved out on the 28th of March. The day I was moving out my daughter came to me and ask me if I had another house and I was going to take her TV. I asked my ex why she said to my daughter about me moving out and not together as we were supposed to, she said I didnt want to tell her!.
Since I moved out, the first week my daughter had a cold and my ex didn't want me to have her at home. the following week she said she was going to the office and dropped my daughter in my house the following day, then I had her during the weekend.
I was tempted to keep my daughter with me so I reversed the situation but lawyer suggested not to do anything radical. Court is on women's side regardless what they do
the second week, she tried again to drop her again on Friday because of her having to go to the office but this time I refused because she said it to me the previous day and I had some deliveries to the house. I also asked for my daughter to stay overnight during the week and my ex said that I didnt have to be impatient.
the third week I asked again and she said I was leaving to far away and it would be a lot of travelling for my daughter, I live less than 15miles from her (30 mins max in peak hours, normally 20 mins). So no overnight during the week.
the third week I took a week off and said to my ex I will have her since I was off. My daughter started saying my house was too far, it was full of slugs at that point.
I had to take her back to school on thursday since my daughter wanted to. I had her again during the weekend.
The following week we had the second session of the mediator and I mentioned for the first time that my ex was manipulating my daughter. Mediator said it's just something kids say. It was actually good, because my ex only wanted me to have visitations and the mediator told her off and established a schedule for two weeks.
I did religiously the schedule but the first week I had her with me my daughter started saying she didnt want to stay with me, so I had to take her to my ex. During the weekend i kept her but she kept saying she loved mom and want to go with her. I realised that having videoconference during bath time was causing my daughter to start crying.
the last Sunday, we took X to doctors and I was supposed to take her home when my ex in front of her in the car said she didnt want me to take her. I said it was in the Mediator's schedule. She checked and started doing a circus with my daughter crying wanting to go with her mom, I took her home. Daughter calmed down.
Two weeks passed and Mediator didnt reschedule the third round, I had to contact her, they gave us a date again for a week and a half, during that time, I had her during the weekend because ex wouldnt allow me to have my daughter overnight. that Saturday I had her, I didnt call or message my ex, I had a message and a missed call around bed time, 7.30pm. Ex was saying she wanted to see my daughter, I said it would cause her to get upset and wanted to go, she treated with sentences like you don't want me to have access to my child, so I put her on video and child started trembling and saying I love mom I love mom. It was unbeliable.
Since she postpone the next mediator session just one day before the date after asking her several times to confirm the date for a session a month after. At that point I asked the mediator to give me the form to go to court. I received it on Wednesday and Ex on Friday said she wanted to relocate to poland and was going to say I was abusing her and the child, the same friday I got my application to court for risk of child abduction, parent alienation and 50/50 custody.
Now, she only wants me to have my daughter during Weekends 8am to 8pm and I have been doing this for a few weeks but now after all these weeks suffering this mistreatment I have asked my ex to have overnight when I take my daughter. She has in the middle has accused me again of being aggressive and overwhelming in my comms (supervised by a lawyer so no aggression whatsoever). So now comms happen Lawyer to lawyer.
Last week, ex also contracted COVID and didn't want me to take my daughter and return her when she was recovered, soI didn't see my daughter.
This week I insisted again on contact with overnight and again the same answer. I have already spent 7k. My question for you is, does it worth having no contact and wait for court to say something or ask CAFCASS to do something about this? I feel if things carry on like this, I will have to get a loan to pay for the lawyer fees at this point or I will be seen that I dont want to have contact because insisting for overnight (things are getting twisted all the time). What would you suggest?
What do you think about Fathers4justice or something similar?
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