Need advice on cafcass

[DaddyD]

Hi need advice on cafcass experiences

I have a non mol on my ex due to dv from her for years but she has counter acted it saying I have done it to her so I have another hearing within the next week with regards to her counter acting my non mol

I have received a court date for the end of July which will be a remote hearing but I have been informed that Cafcass are going to be involved and will visit me or call me I just need advice on things like what they will talk to me about how to answer them I understand you cannot put the mother down or bad mouth them to cafcass but that will be very difficult for me due to domestic violence of what she’s done to me any help on what they will say will be appreciated

Daddy D

 

[Ash]

I think every experience is different, but it's your opportunity to let Cafcass see where you live, how child friendly it is, if your child has their room, whether their room has their toys etc in, if you have photos of child with you around the house. That kind of thing.

It's also an opportunity to tell them anything you want to tell them - about what you want things to be like, what kind of things your child likes when there, how you want things to be - what the issues are. The last bit is where you need to be careful not to be negative about the ex. But if you've had proven DV from her, then just keep to facts. You could say positive things about her - eg she's a good cook, the kids are always well dressed (if that's true), but explain that the marriage ended because you had to get away from the violence, which is documented. I can't remember all the details of your case. Do you have concerns about her being violent with the kids?

 

[DaddyD]

There was occasions where she threw my youngest child across the floor and also hit my step daughter in the mouth also grinding soap in her mouth which I have a recording of my step daughter admitting this has happened and she told social services but my ex said she didn’t intentionally hit her it was an accident, I am living with my parents atm and they do have a spare bedroom with 2 single beds the children can stay until I get my own accommodation there are toys etc here that they play with when the uses to visit My parents,
At present social services are saying that now I have left the house there are no other ongoing problems that they can see and say both parents should be able to have access to see the kids but obviously ss did not want to hear the recorded evidence of my step daughter saying it they said save it for when it goes to court, obviously she sometimes was good with the kids but she would shout and swear a lot at them and if naughty would smack them, I did report this to ss also my youngest son she threw across the floor causing no injuries again I had voice recording of her saying she done it as he bit her police basically said as it’s no injury assault they passed it onto ss again they say there is not going on now I have left, she has lied in her non mol saying I have been to the house attempting to get in the garden which didn’t happen as I was at my parents house all day making phone calls to my councillor’s and through out the day people was coming to visit me and my parents, she has told police I punched her in the stomach causing bleeding back in March but is still waiting for an urgent scan apparently she reported this to her Gp, I reported to my Gp beginning of March she was trying to get me out the house any way she can and even said she will call police and say I have assaulted her I told them about the dv everything, I had a face2 face with Gp too beginning of April I’m morning and he gave me medication to help me sleep etc and for my nerves he has also done me a letter for court to prove this has all been reported and also I’m waiting for another letter from my dentist as i told him about 3 years ago and that my wife had been abusing me as he remembered I was so upset the day I went to the dentist .

Obviously we did things together as a family and when we was out together in public she was great we would take kids to the farm, theme parks I never went on rides as I m registered disabled die to problems so can’t do it, we would take them to places as a family, it was always me taking them to the park on there bikes n playing in the park she never did thIs with them I do need most of the cooking but she did cook meals at home some days but again I done most as she works part time she was full time so that’s why I done most of the house hold chores.

Daddy D

 

[Ash]

It sounds like there are going to be allegations from both of you then. If you have a recording of your step daughter "saying" this happened that might actually throw suspicion on you (ie they might think you coached her for the recording). It would be better not to use it, although you could only use it with the Police, not the courts. It's very concerning that your ex has been violent with the kids and social services have just said "she's not doing it any more"!

If you've had abuse from her, suggest you contact the Mankind Initiative. They may be able to write you a letter confirming the abuse you've received, in case you need to prove it.

Ultimately though, a court will look at it that both parents are making allegations against the other and there is "conflict". They look at what is best for the kids and could decide - better the kids are only with one parent if there's conflict.

So I think you need to look at - what result do you want from this? Presumably the goal, now you're separated, is to have regular time with the kids staying with you. So how to achieve that.

It sounds like social services have closed the case now and said no issues - so that isn't going to help if you are bringing allegations about her.

I would think you need to play this straight. And just repeat the mantra "I just want the children to have happy loving relationships with both parents and both families". That is the fall back line. Keep it child focused. At the end of the day, in terms of concerns about the kids - social services are the only people to deal with that and they've now said all is ok. So you need to focus on getting your court order - and if you have more concerns in the future, go back to social services - and put it in writing.

The concern is - your ex is accusing you of DV. Is the Cafcass visit part of a Section 7 report? They normally only visit for that. Have you had a Cafcass call before? If it's just a call it's just the standard safeguarding interview.

It will probably mean supervised time only with the kids until a Section 7 report is complete - that's par for the course if your ex makes allegations. The way the system works is - allegations by a woman are taken more seriously than allegations by a man. Unless you have evidence - and then - what are you trying to achieve? What social services have said basically is the risk is gone now you're separated - which, logically, is the case (unless she turns up and attacks you or something).

I would tell Cafcass that you are aware your ex is making allegations of abuse by you, that they are untrue and you have evidence of that. You have had concerns about the safety of the children, but social services have said things are ok now.

I think I mentioned before - they probably won't even include your step daughter in proceedings. Have you applied for an order to see her too? Whether you have or not, they will only deal with the biological parents of the kids, so if there are any safety concerns with your stepdaughter, they won't come under this case.

The danger is - if you tell Cafcass your ex did all these things to the kids, they might not believe you. You would need hard evidence. And the evidence needed would have to come from social services or the Police. If you don't have that, then I wouldn't make any allegations against your ex or they will see you as just attacking the Mother. It's the way it works.

Always deal with Cafcass as calmly, politely and respectfully as you can - you want them onside. Their job is simply to determine if there are any welfare issues re the children spending time with you. The Mother already has that - possession is 9/10ths of the law. We Dads are on a back foot. All Cafcass want to know is - are you a good parent, are you a safe parent. So you want to keep things positive and child focused - talk about the good relationships with your kids and how now you're separated you think they will settle well into seeing their parents in different homes.

It's almost a game, jumping through hoops to get an order. Although feelings must run high at the nastiness, look to the goal.

 

[DaddyD]

My stepdaughter admitted to ss that her mum
Has put soap in her mouth on 2 occasions and that her mum gave her a black lip from punching her in the mouth but my wife said it was an accident as a reaction to my step daughter biting her I asked the ss on 3 different occasions has she denied hitting her and putting soap in her mouth and she said yes she denied it I also asked ss on 3 occasions did my step daughter admit her mum done this and she said yes but in my report it states my wife done this as a reaction . I have a lot of evidence of dv towards me even my wife admitting to hitting me and punching me on text messages and on voice recordings

 

[Ash]

It sounds like SS accepted your ex's explanation re stepdaughter. Tbh honest, harsh as it sounds, Cafcass won't be interested in whether she committed dv against you or not. And probably put it down to breakdown of relationship. Of course it's different if she says you abused her! That 's they way it works. They only look at the welfare of the children and they have a bias towards children remaining with Mothers, whatever. So unless your ex was caught on a security camera, beating the kids, them sustaining injuries and the police arresting her - they wouldn't take them away from her.

But do contact the Mankind Initiative as they may be able to help you with a letter of support if you have evidence.

I think it's a strategy needed - which is not easy. If you don't make allegations about the ex and she makes them about you, you're viewed as a possible abuser, and it would mean supervised time only while a fact find and/or Section 7 take place. If you do make allegations against her (bearing in mind the court doesn't know which one of you is telling the truth and evidence isn't seen until a late stage in proceedings)m Cafcass will see it as a high conflict situation for the kids - ie both parents accusing each other - and in some cases can then just order indirect only contact with Dad, to avoid the kids being in the middle of conflict.

In terms of talking to Cafcass, it's sometimes a case of less is more. The call is to get the lie of the land and safeguarding checks. So if both parents raise safeguarding issues - it could take a very long time to go through court and you will almost certainly only get supervised time with the kids.

They will be analysing you during the call and will make determinations about you. You want them to warm to you and you want to keep them onside. So you want to be talking about your kids mainly, so they can hear in your voice, how much you care about them. And all they want to know is - are you a good Dad/a good parent. To them a good parent is positive about the other parent, positive about co parenting, and saying they want the best for the children with both parents.

They may also suss that your ex is being vindictive and not warm to her if she makes allegations - however they have to report what she says and investigate any allegations (via a section 7) because they are terrified a child may get hurt or killed. These things happen - so they err on the side of caution when allegations are made.

Sadly they don't seem to consider that a Mother can EVER be a risk to the children - unless social services and Police have said so - which they haven't. But as they are basically trained to a feminist model, if a Dad makes allegations against an ex wife, he is viewed suspiciously as a possible abuser deflecting blame.

It's complex. But this isn't a battle between you and ex any more - personally - it's about getting an order to see your kids. So try and compartmentalise the two. It's a "custody" battle - one parent wanting to keep the kids away from the other. Which is why Cafcass like to hear both parents saying they support a relationship with the other parent. She is not going to get punished for anything she did either, nor will they give you sole residency unless she is arrested or something. The best you can hope for is shared care/lives with both parents. But for that to happen, Cafcass need to see that at least one parent is wanting to try and deal with things amicably.

Get the picture? Having said all that, Cafcass do do checks with the Police and Social services, as part of the safeguarding letter after the phone calls, so they will see social services have been involved, so mentioning that is ok - but be careful how you put things.

You could say - you did have some concerns about your ex being volatile with the children and hitting them but social services have been involved and they say that things are ok now. And you feel the best thing for the children is equal time with each parent so they feel secure and stable in both relationships and you think things will settle down then, once they are in a routine and matters are determined.

 

[Ash]

Just to add - video and audio recordings can't be used as evidence in family courts.

 

[DaddyD]

I was told by my solicitor that I have some very good evidence on the recordings and they can be used as evidence of the dv towards me as in some of them she admits hitting me punching me in the face saying she will do it 100 times more even slamming a door into me hitting me in the face and foot

 

[DaddyD]

I have Another hearing next week with regards to her allegations saying I done it to her but on certain things she says I went to the house I was with people and can verify this, I have made a statement to police re the dv and she has yet to make hers so police are taking this seriously and have all recordings too, the case with the kids is end of July so I’m awaiting for a call or visit from cafcass as they will visit the children at school too .

 

[Ash]

Ok - did the solicitor say if it was good evidence for just police or social services rather than family court? Family court evidence would really be reports from Police and Social services after their investigations and seeing evidence.

Hang in there.

 

[DaddyD]

No she said it will be good evidence for family court and for the police for the dv I have given the police the evidence already

 

[Ash]

Oh ok . That's a new one on me but perhaps the videos will just be referred to as having been seen by the police (authenticating them). It's unusual for them to accept videos for evidence - it tends to be all paper based - but perhaps under the circumstances - and depending on what kind of hearing it is.

 

[DaddyD]

Oh ok . That's a new one on me but perhaps the videos will just be referred to as having been seen by the police (authenticating them). It's unusual for them to accept videos for evidence - it tends to be all paper based - but perhaps under the circumstances - and depending on what kind of hearing it is.

They are voice recordings

 

[uzzy41]

Just to add - video and audio recordings can't be used as evidence in family courts.

That’s a surprise, I thought audio can

 

[Ash]

They prefer paper based evidence really. My Solicitor said they don't even like photos as evidence. But circumstances vary I guess. Things like video and audio are good evidence for the Police and social services though.

 

[FRAM]

Just to add - video and audio recordings can't be used as evidence in family courts.

yes they can, my exwife used them

 

[Ash]

Good to know FRAM. It was my solicitor at the time who was very anti and said no courts don't like things like that. But I guess it depends on the circumstances as well.