Sorry to hear you are struggling mate.
I am coming up on 4 years in and I still struggle. So, not sure I can tell you how to accept the situation.
An interim measure is to give your head a break. Make a pledge to yourself that you will not check messages or act on any of your ideas for a day or two, maybe even three!
You have to step away from the fight sometimes I think. Something I am not good at doing. This morning I did for the first time in quite a while, only for about 4 hours. It helped.
And, let those feelings out - tears, exercise, screaming at the stars, prayer... Whatever it takes
![Crying face :cry: 😢](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f622.png)
![Flexed biceps :muscle: 💪](https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f4aa.png)