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Mind Health First Aid

Kyle

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There's no end of great practical advice and support in this forum. Dad's that stick together, succeed together. But dealing with the fallout from separation or divorce and the all to common scenarios regarding child arrangements post break-up can do untold damage to you psychologically. Particularly if you're being denied the access you want or are experiencing complete parental alienation when the mother stops contact altogether. It can be extremely traumatic for some and the side-effects of that should not be ignored.

Knowing how long you should endure the stress pressure cooker before you need to seek support to release it will be different for everyone. But you most definitely shouldn't allow yourself to be emotionally shredded by it all. Maintaining mental self preservation and looking after yourself in general is vital. Not just for us as dads but also for our kids.

I'm no psychiatrist, I'm merely an everyday bloke who came close to self-destruction and made it out the other side so if I can save others that helps me to continue to recover and hopefully helps you navigate this rocky road with a stronger stride. It's a win-win.

Us men don't generally deal with this subject very well. Whether it's a society driven thing or animal instinct, admitting you're coming apart at the seams when you're a man and need help we sometimes find difficult. That expectation to "man-up" can only get you so far. Addressing stress, anxiety and depression is the only way to find a solution for treating it. There are no specific treatments for stress. But there are treatments for some of the signs and symptoms of stress. These might help if you are finding it difficult to manage stress yourself. Talk to friends and family if you can. Use a forum like this one, we are many. Contact your GP.

Some good resources are:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information...-health-problems/stress/treatment-for-stress/

https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/feelings-symptoms-behaviours/feelings-and-symptoms/stress/






 
Great post, Kyle.

I am 18mths in and there is no end in sight yet for me, and this stuff could easily kill people. I have to manage myself so carefully- I have seen therapists, I read a lot, and I try to keep fit because staying physically healthy definitely makes a big difference.

I'm on a couple of whatsapp groups for similarly tortured souls as well- its important to talk, so important.
 
Thanks for starting this Kyle. It could be a good thread for people to get specific support from other Dads on here. And you're right - we're not expected to have these emotions, being men, but we all love our kids and are human.
 
Thanks for starting this Kyle. It could be a good thread for people to get specific support from other Dads on here. And you're right - we're not expected to have these emotions, being men, but we all love our kids and are human.

Great idea. One thing I have tried is called 'Brainspotting'- its designed for people with PTSD-type symptoms, the idea being that you have to address the sadness otherwise it fights for your attention, but you also have to avoid overthinking, it can be a fine line to walk. You have to just acknowledge and release. It links the eyes with the parts of the brain that we can't usually control, in order to access the trauma/ depression/ despair. You feel awful at the time, but afterwards you feel a lot lighter.
 
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Thanks for starting the thread.

Separation / divorce / seeing the kids on a much reduced basis is arguably one of the the hardest things to go through. Especially with a very difficult ex attempting to limit child contact. Given it can be a situation that drags on for years or you ultimately have to accept for a number of years.

You can definitely understand how men go under. I think this site is great in the support it offers.

I think if you're 'functioning ' shall we say the toll being taken doesn't really get addressed.
 
Great links Kyle and Roblox. I have heard of Andy's man club. Anyone been involved with it?
 
The legal resources section is mainly for legal resources and external links/authoritative information. I've started a new section for Health and Coping Strategies and moved this thread into that and stickied it. Will see how it goes as there could be a crossover with the Child Arrangements, court applications, problems section - as most situations involving these legal matters will have an element of emotional stress involved as well that can't be separated out from the situation.
 
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Hey @Roblox if I'm not mistaken this is just in the north, they don't have anything outside of the Yorkshire area.
If you look on the website and type your area you can find the nearest one. In the Midlands, for example, there's a couple that came up if you type in Birmingham.

I think it may be a Yorkshire thing primarily. They covered it on Emmerdale I believe. But it does have coverage elsewhere.
 
Bumping this thread as the start of another year is the beginning of new allegations, new court applications and new proceedings for some. And a return/continuation of an ongoing battle for others.

The effect that being obstructed from your child/children has is a major one and should not be underestimated. And our mental health should not be neglected.

Stress, anxiety, depression are all possibilities on this difficult journey and its really important to know how to identify them and seek support.

Stress, I think, is a given. I wish I'd have contacted my GP at the very start of my case. I left it till very recently, but I was pointed in the direction of a local councelling service and even the 50 minute initial assessment helped, to just tell someone how crap things felt being in this situation was a huge weight off my shoulders.

It doesn't reduce the long road to a court order unfortunately. And certainly doesn't prevent a spiteful ex from future acts of cruelty. But it does give you an outlet. A place to verbally express yourself and receive techniques on how to manage the assault on your happiness.

But of course. This forum is also a place where you can ask for support. Openly on the forum or via a private message.

Personally, I am always here to talk to anyone who needs an ear. I'm 2 years into this. And if my experiences comfort others, that heals me too!

✊
 
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