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Looking for advice and guidance

DaddyD

Well-known member
Because you've applied to court. Do you have any communication with her? Eg by text.
The solicitor is applying to the court for me sometime this week for me but how long it will take I don’t know I just know I need to see my kids it’s heartbreaking knowing she won’t let me see them and I gaurentee they cry in Ed of a night time knowing they haven’t seen me
 

proud_dad

Well-known member
but last thing she said to me was you won’t see the kids and nor will ur family that was nearly a month ago now . She is point blank refusing to let me see the kids

Was this communicated to you verbally or was this written?
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
She said I was messing with my kids head as I cried when I see them last time because I missed them both as didn’t see them for nearly a week, my eldest apparently said to my wx wife he didn’t know who’s side to take as things was said to him which was untrue nothing was said apart from what he told me she was saying things like his name is going to be changed I just said to him mummy is changing her name as we are not together anymore he also told a family member of mine he didn’t want to go home to his mum as his elder sibling will argue and hurt him but not as much as my mum does !!! It’s all crazy I think my ex is putting things into the kids head and parent alienating them as my kids are proper daddy’s boys and all for me and always have been
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
Hi Ash
Can you advise me I have stil not seen my children as the solicitor is doing the child arrangement order and waiting for the legal aid to come through. What I want to know is the police have contacted me and asked me about pressing charges on my wife for the domestic violence she done to me. I do want to go ahead with this but if it goes to court and I lose am I liable to pay court fees as I do not work and have been a stay at home dad due to my disability for the last 6 years would legal aid cover this for me or not . My solicitor is doing a lot at the moment but the police want to know if I am pursuing this .

Daddy D
 

Ash

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Super Moderator
Hi there. I'm a bit confused how the court fees are related to pressing charges with the Police? My gut feeling is - go ahead and press charges. Did the police say what would happen if you press charges? Either way I would go ahead and press charges if the Police think you can.

As regards court fees, that shouldn't have any bearing on the Police matter. Are you applying for legal aid due to the DV? I believe you will have to go through the process and forms for the legal aid to know the answer as to whether you're eligible or not. I don't know if income is taken into account if there is dv involved. I suspect not, as plenty of Mums get legal aid when they claim dv!
 

Ash

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Super Moderator
Having said that you should maybe take some legal advice. Because I doubt the Mother will go to jail over this - it will just be recorded as an offence I expect. Which would be helpful. But the court might see it as a hostile action - I am not sure in this case. What does the solicitor say? Also is the solicitor doing an urgent application?
 

Hackedoff_dad

Well-known member
if anything from her regarding domestic abuse regarding a child you can kiss good bye to any type of interim order, and any kind of contact, also once the C100 has been listed for hearing (basically set the ball rolling and they have acknowledged it) you can't put any other orders in interim or otherwise
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
if anything from her regarding domestic abuse regarding a child you can kiss good bye to any type of interim order, and any kind of contact, also once the C100 has been listed for hearing (basically set the ball rolling and they have acknowledged it) you can't put any other orders in interim or otherwise
No she has not done anything no Orders what so ever just refusing to let me see the kids outright.I have a non molestation order on her for 6 months her broth was arrested the other day for malicious phone calls to me as the police traced the calls back to me he was given a conditional order not to contact me again or he will be re arrested . I am waiting legal aid to start the child arrangement order and then I am doing a prohibited steps order to stop her taking the boys out of school and out of the country on holidays without my permission
 
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Hackedoff_dad

Well-known member
No she has not done anything no Orders what so ever just refusing to let me see the kids outright.I have a non molestation order on her for 6 months her broth was arrested the other day for malicious phone calls to me as the police traced the calls back to me he was given a conditional order not to contact me again or he will be re arrested . I am waiting legal aid to start the child arrangement order and then I am doing a prohibited steps order to stop her taking the boys out of school and out of the country on holidays without my permission
Sounds nasty does that pal, seems like a lovely set of people you are dealing with
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
Can I ask once a child arrangement order has been issued to the court how long does it take for me to get to see my children it may not sound long but I have not seen them for 42 days as of today I have spoken to my solicitors and she is confident the legal aid will be back today and she can then submit the order to the courts but I just wanted to know will that get me to see my children straight away or would I still have to wait

Daddy D
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
Having said that you should maybe take some legal advice. Because I doubt the Mother will go to jail over this - it will just be recorded as an offence I expect. Which would be helpful. But the court might see it as a hostile action - I am not sure in this case. What does the solicitor say? Also is the solicitor doing an urgent application?
The solicitor did say she will do an urgent allocation but as the legal aid done an urgent non molistation ex parte they may not do this as urgent, I don’t think it would be hostile as I have had to deal with a lot since I left the house as iv had threats from her family and this is what held me back from pressing charges against her the police have contacted me 3 times asking me to do it and I told them I’m scared of her family and also I am dealing with the children side of things but I have emailed them to say I will now make a statement against her for the dv so I’m awaiting for them to contact me to go ahead with it and also her father as he has threatened me too
 

Ash

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I think one issue is - are the children at risk from harm by your ex and family? Now we probably all know they are at risk of emotional harm but in an urgent order scenario, they will be looking at life threatening harm. It seems wrong but unless there is evidence that the children are at risk of serious harm from your ex or her family, and unless your solicitor says - we need to go for a 48 hour child arrangements hearing, I doubt "urgent" will be quicker than a few weeks. I also think, once you put your C100 in and your ex receives it, she is likely to make counter allegations. And while they will be untrue, they will need investigating. The danger there is, even though your allegations are true, if she accuses abuse they will err on the side of caution re the kids.

Keep working with the Police. If they charge her that evidence will prove you are telling the truth and not making false allegations. Cafcass will look into Police records as part of their initial process.

I am wondering if, if the police charge her, you can go for an urgent ex parte Child Arrangements order for temporary residence of the children - I would push your solicitor for that. Otherwise Child Arrangements is likely to take the standard time. With a first hearing taking a few weeks, at which time you would be asking for an interim order to see the kids until matters completed.

I know a few weeks seems a long time, but look to the future and keep focused on getting the legalities dealt with.
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
I think one issue is - are the children at risk from harm by your ex and family? Now we probably all know they are at risk of emotional harm but in an urgent order scenario, they will be looking at life threatening harm. It seems wrong but unless there is evidence that the children are at risk of serious harm from your ex or her family, and unless your solicitor says - we need to go for a 48 hour child arrangements hearing, I doubt "urgent" will be quicker than a few weeks. I also think, once you put your C100 in and your ex receives it, she is likely to make counter allegations. And while they will be untrue, they will need investigating. The danger there is, even though your allegations are true, if she accuses abuse they will err on the side of caution re the kids.

Keep working with the Police. If they charge her that evidence will prove you are telling the truth and not making false allegations. Cafcass will look into Police records as part of their initial process.

I am wondering if, if the police charge her, you can go for an urgent ex parte Child Arrangements order for temporary residence of the children - I would push your solicitor for that. Otherwise Child Arrangements is likely to take the standard time. With a first hearing taking a few weeks, at which time you would be asking for an interim order to see the kids until matters completed.

I know a few weeks seems a long time, but look to the future and keep focused on getting the legalities dealt with.
I do know children services are involved and they have told me that they have no safety concerns with myself as a father as the children have said nothing but positive things about me and want to see me , they children services did speak to my wife about one incident where I told them that my wife punched my stepdaughter in the face and gave her a swollen lip my wife denied this they then spoke to my stepdaughter and my stepdaughter told them that this did happen but as I say no allegations have been made against me and both of my boys keep telling them they want to see their dad they miss me and I’ve said nothing but positive things and social services have said to me they believe I’m a good father towards them. Obviously now children services are involved my wife will not do anything to the children and be very cautious of this I do not believe my wife knows that I have contacted the police about the domestic violence towards myself I do have recordings of some incidents where my wife admits punching me and hitting me and also there is one recording of my wife where you could hear screaming at me and swearing in front of the children and she slammed the door into my foot and my head the children services do know about the domestic violence towards me and as far as I’m aware my wife soon to be ex-wife has not mentioned made any allegations about domestic violence from me to her she did email me saying I can’t see the kids because I have controlled her from day one and mentally abused her when I first met my wife she was a heavy cocaine user and yes I did not agree of her doing it because she was still taking cocaine while she was pregnant with my first born son no matter how much I tried to ask her to stop she didn’t
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
Hi there. I'm a bit confused how the court fees are related to pressing charges with the Police? My gut feeling is - go ahead and press charges. Did the police say what would happen if you press charges? Either way I would go ahead and press charges if the Police think you can.

As regards court fees, that shouldn't have any bearing on the Police matter. Are you applying for legal aid due to the DV? I believe you will have to go through the process and forms for the legal aid to know the answer as to whether you're eligible or not. I don't know if income is taken into account if there is dv involved. I suspect not, as plenty of Mums get legal aid when they claim dv!
Sorry just read this bit the police said I need to make a statement and then they would arrest her for 3 different assaults and one for criminal damage as she smashed my phone too then they will bring her in for questioning to see what she has to say about them
 

Ash

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Did the police say what would happen after they arrest her? As in would there be any penalty? Presumably if they arrest and charge her it would then go to a court hearing and perhaps just a fine or community service? Or are these offences so serious she may go to prison?

This is a really tricky situation. I need to think about it. On the one hand, if you go ahead with having her arrested, it clears you if she makes any false allegations about you once you apply for Child Arrangements (this is very very common! It's retaliation so expect it as a possibility). If she did make false allegations, that muddies the waters and Cafcass don't know who is telling the truth. Except if she is arrested, it is clear you were telling the truth. So that is on the one hand, it protects you.

On the other hand, unless there is some evidence that says she is a risk to the children, Cafcass might not take the arrest that seriously. So you could do to have something from social services, if you can, about the time she hit her stepdaughter. It's all very well saying she's not doing that now, but it shows she has done it before. And with her arrest as well, it shows she has a history of violence.

Tbh I don't think family court will be interested in a smashed phone. If you don't mind me asking, how serious were the 3 assaults?

I'm a bit tired right now so will reply properly tomorrow :)

But basically, don't accuse anything, even if it's true, unless you have official evidence. Social services report or police report/charges.

So I can see why you're a bit overloaded with timing. You can't state in the Child Arrangements application that she has been arrested and charged if she hasn't been arrested and charged yet. But you don't want to delay the Child Arrangements order.

If you have evidence she has harmed a child then you could submit a C1A with the Child Arrangements application (physical, psychological, or emotional abuse of either you or the children). You would need something on paper from social services, to go with that, to get an urgent temporary residency order. But if it's your stepdaughter, not your own children that probably wouldn't count as the order is for your own children. What it might do is show she is a risk. So I think if you can attach evidence from social services to a C1A that she was violent with your stepdaughter, it would not be enough for an urgent temporary residency order.........................I'm getting bogged down here as it's late! So before I say any more .............I'll think about it tomorrow.

At the moment though, in terms of child arrangements, you are not seeing your children and you need a child arrangements order to see them. But there is some thinking to do to a) make it happen sooner rather than later b) protect yourself and c) what you're aiming for and what you're likely to achieve.

What did your solicitor advise you apply for? Residency? Or just time with the kids. Solicitors can be a bit lazy about applications. If it's not going to be an urgent application to have the kids live with you temporarily while investigations with the Police and Cafcass take place - ie if it's going to be a standard time application, you might be better submitting it yourself. But if solicitor can get a more urgent hearing, go with the solicitor.
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
I have one that I recorded on my phone as a family member said to me after to confided in her and said she had been hittin me the last 10 years and my wife started shouting at me to start an argument with me and shouting swearing at me in front of the kids and You can clearly hear a bang which was the door that she slammed into my head and foot I said why did you do that n she screamed at me to fu## off
Most of the others have been her punching me in the face , or to the side of my head , she went to punch me in the eye once but her nail caught my skin . Another occasion she smashed my phone and dug her nails into my shoulder blade causing it to bleed and bruising , throwing and hitting me with coat hangers , pushing me so many different things she has done over the last 10 years .

Social services will be finished the report in a few weeks but they have said to me about my wife denying hitting my step daughter but my step daughter admitted it to social workers and the social said to me they do not have any safety concerns or well-being concerns with me and the kids as they say nothing but good things about me to them, obviously my kids are still with there mum as she is denying me access, the police did say that she can be arrested for 3 things all For ABH but I need to make a statement to them then they will arrest her for them , I do have recordings and u can hear me say to her you have hit me with hangers you have punched me and she replies “ yea and so what “ also my kids have seen it to the point where they was kicking her n punching her crying saying leave my daddy alone , I have recording of her saying to my son if you swear at your sister I will punch you in the mouth and he is 7 years old !
I also have a recording of my step daughter telling me her mum punched her in the mouth and gave her a black lip .

I’m nearly asleep now as I have taken sleeping tablets so will look properly at this tomorrow morning . But thank you Ash I are helpin me understand a fair bit
 

Ash

Administrator
Staff member
Super Moderator
The recordings are useful evidence for the Police (but not for family court) so yes I would get the Police involved and get the Police evidence for family court. Those recordings are also evidence of domestic abuse affecting the children. If you were still living there and this was happening, she could be removed from the house possibly. Now you're separated I don;t think it's enough for the Police to do an emergency protection order for the kids to stay with you. Social services have already been involved with your stepdaughter, but it could also be worth playing that recording about your step daughter telling you her Mum punched her in the mouth. That is evidence from a child. Thing is I think the police just then refer on to social services who have already been involved. But I would say to the Police when you do your statement and give them the evidence, that you are very concerned about your children being left with your ex as you are not the only one who has been physically abused.
 

DaddyD

Well-known member
The recordings are useful evidence for the Police (but not for family court) so yes I would get the Police involved and get the Police evidence for family court. Those recordings are also evidence of domestic abuse affecting the children. If you were still living there and this was happening, she could be removed from the house possibly. Now you're separated I don;t think it's enough for the Police to do an emergency protection order for the kids to stay with you. Social services have already been involved with your stepdaughter, but it could also be worth playing that recording about your step daughter telling you her Mum punched her in the mouth. That is evidence from a child. Thing is I think the police just then refer on to social services who have already been involved. But I would say to the Police when you do your statement and give them the evidence, that you are very concerned about your children being left with your ex as you are not the only one who has been physically abused.
Thank you Ash
I am currently waiting for the office who is dealing with it to get in contact with me as she is on training atm,
I have been waiting 3 weeks for the legal aid to find the emergency child arrangement order but they contacted my solicitor yesterday and said they need an official bank statement from my bank and not one that I sent in so this is prob can I add more time on to getting this but my solicitor did say to me this morning that once it is done she could have it in court within 24 to 48 hours and then she is going to do a prohibited steps order as I have found out my wife is looking to move approximately 60 miles away from where she lives now and also she has a new partner already so I believe she has introduced my two children to this guy which is totally not fair and will be affecting my two boys mentally knowing that another man is there and I am not . It rips me apart knowing she is doing this to the kids that in itself is mental abuse to them.
 
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