Hi all,
I'm looking for some advice with my situation which is currently rather dire to say the least.
So I'm 31 years old and currently live by myself since splitting up from my ex back in the summer of 2022. My ex shortly after moved near my way because we have a 4 year old daughter together and she wanted to be close to her nursery where she goes full time (given that both of us work full time). We were never married however when it comes to child arrangements there has been absolutely no consistency from one week to the next. I have tried countless times to get her to agree to an established routine for the childs sake however she refuses to adhere to it given that the job she works requires her to work most evenings, sometimes at a moments notice which makes things very difficult because she will then change plans at the last minute.
One thing you should know about my ex is she displays many narcissistic traits and was quite emotionally abusive to me during our relationship (hence why it ended). She could not bear me seeing my friends, going out, etc. and always tried to keep me on a leash because she was and still is very insecure and jealous with me. I feel so sorry for my daughter because this frantic non consistent routine has been going on now for over 18 months and she just has no idea whether she is coming or going most of the time. She stays with me probably 70% of the time, but sometimes when she stays with the mum she will change her mind and ask me to pick her up making it close to impossible for me to plan anything with anyone, which is exactly what she wants.
In the past year we tried a couples therapy to improve our communication which didn't work, mediation which achieved very little because she refused the idea of any sort of routine, I have also spoken to citizens advice to get their opinion but they just tell me to go the mediation route. Since splitting up all that time ago I now have a new girlfriend who really makes me happy, however my ex is making it incredibly difficult for me to plan anything with her unfortunately. To give an example, I had a nanny look after my daughter for a few hours while I went for a meal earlier this week with the new gf, and while I was out she decided to abruptly turn up to my apartment because I didn't let my daughter facetime her and then tried to call the police on my nanny and wouldn't let he leave my apartment when she tried to go. This is the level of insanity I am dealing with currently.
My ex emotionally is a very disturbed woman who really has an axe to grind with me still, maybe she didn't like the fact I left her but it feels like her sole purpose currently is to make things as difficult for me as possible so I can't move on or even live some sort of a life for myself separate from being a father, which frankly I feel I do a very good job at.
The stress and anxiety this is giving me I'm finding so hard to manage and given that she refuses to agree to any sort of routine for the childs sake, what steps do you feel I should now be taking to ensure that some sort of stability and structure can happen for both my daughter and me as I feel this can just no longer continue the way it currently is.
Any help I would greatly appreciate, Thank you
James
I'm looking for some advice with my situation which is currently rather dire to say the least.
So I'm 31 years old and currently live by myself since splitting up from my ex back in the summer of 2022. My ex shortly after moved near my way because we have a 4 year old daughter together and she wanted to be close to her nursery where she goes full time (given that both of us work full time). We were never married however when it comes to child arrangements there has been absolutely no consistency from one week to the next. I have tried countless times to get her to agree to an established routine for the childs sake however she refuses to adhere to it given that the job she works requires her to work most evenings, sometimes at a moments notice which makes things very difficult because she will then change plans at the last minute.
One thing you should know about my ex is she displays many narcissistic traits and was quite emotionally abusive to me during our relationship (hence why it ended). She could not bear me seeing my friends, going out, etc. and always tried to keep me on a leash because she was and still is very insecure and jealous with me. I feel so sorry for my daughter because this frantic non consistent routine has been going on now for over 18 months and she just has no idea whether she is coming or going most of the time. She stays with me probably 70% of the time, but sometimes when she stays with the mum she will change her mind and ask me to pick her up making it close to impossible for me to plan anything with anyone, which is exactly what she wants.
In the past year we tried a couples therapy to improve our communication which didn't work, mediation which achieved very little because she refused the idea of any sort of routine, I have also spoken to citizens advice to get their opinion but they just tell me to go the mediation route. Since splitting up all that time ago I now have a new girlfriend who really makes me happy, however my ex is making it incredibly difficult for me to plan anything with her unfortunately. To give an example, I had a nanny look after my daughter for a few hours while I went for a meal earlier this week with the new gf, and while I was out she decided to abruptly turn up to my apartment because I didn't let my daughter facetime her and then tried to call the police on my nanny and wouldn't let he leave my apartment when she tried to go. This is the level of insanity I am dealing with currently.
My ex emotionally is a very disturbed woman who really has an axe to grind with me still, maybe she didn't like the fact I left her but it feels like her sole purpose currently is to make things as difficult for me as possible so I can't move on or even live some sort of a life for myself separate from being a father, which frankly I feel I do a very good job at.
The stress and anxiety this is giving me I'm finding so hard to manage and given that she refuses to agree to any sort of routine for the childs sake, what steps do you feel I should now be taking to ensure that some sort of stability and structure can happen for both my daughter and me as I feel this can just no longer continue the way it currently is.
Any help I would greatly appreciate, Thank you
James