First hearing, tips and advice please?

[Jase896]

Good Afternoon everyone,

I have my date for my first hearing, it is at a local family court instead of the one in the city I submitted the c100 to, is this usual practice? It is allocated for a one hour slot. Any advice and tips would be welcome?

My Ex has accused me of various false allegations to the police, how do I go about navigating these allegations whilst fighting for what is best for our daughter such as having both parents in her life? Is it best for legal representation to do the talking so emotions are not involved?


Thank you all

 

[Resolute]

It would usually be the court where the child lives, or where the property is located for financial stuff.

The first hearing is about directions. Trying to get you or your child's life story off your chest is not a good idea. Two basic questions:

What do we do next? (E.g. S7 report, testing, some form of disclosure, fact finding, final hearing, DRA...)

What happens in the meantime? (50/50 order for the interim, contact centre time, no contact order, lives with you, change of school ...)

If you focus on these two, and get the court to order what you want as the answers. You will have succeeded.

A short position statement will be necessary. Representation is gold dust. If money is tight, you need to make a judgement on when it is best spent. It could be argued that final hearing or fact finding are more important than FHDRA. But, you might not get another hearing if the FHDRA goes wrong.

Good luck!

 

[Jase896]

So is it best to not focus on anything such as how the relationship ended or anything like that?

Just focus on what happens next and what happens in the meantime? and focus on those two matters? Is it wise to never use words like I and ME and focus on the best needs of the child?

What is involved in a position statement? and what examples could you provide in relation to how a FHDRA goes wrong?

Thank you

 

[Resolute]

A position statement can have a summary of the history near the beginning. My preference would be to use this merely as a way of providing necessary context.

If you come out of this hearing with an order saying next steps are as you wish and for the interim you get what you are asking for, that is job done. A first hearing is not about trying to make all of your arguments.

If her allegations are nonsense, a Fact Finding would be the first hearing going wrong. If you want big change which is not agreed, and no further hearings are ordered. The first hearing has gone wrong.

You'll probably get more out of people's answers if you provide loads more detail of upcoming proceedings.

 

[Jase896]

Is a position statement something that a solicitor helps with or something you write yourself?

So is it best to start of small and not demand everything you want straight from the off? What are the main reasons no further hearings are scheduled? And what happens then? do you have to reapply?

Sorry for all the questions? I cannot afford for this to go wrong so all the advice I can get would be fantastic

 

[Resolute]

Is a position statement something that a solicitor helps with or something you write yourself?

It depends

So is it best to start of small and not demand everything you want straight from the off?

It depends

What are the main reasons no further hearings are scheduled?

Court deciding there is no need to continue.

And what happens then?

Nothing

do you have to reapply?

Possibly

 

[Resolute]

Hi Jase,

I still think it would help if you gave more details. Many members have been in a similar situation and knowing more of your case makes it possible to give better answers.

Are you applicant or respondent?

What was applied for?

How far has stuff gone with the police?

Are the allegations about your ex or the child?

Are you seeing your daughter?

How far off is the hearing?

Do you have money for representation?

Do you have a criminal record?

It this the first set of proceedings in family court?

How old is the child?

Does the child know you?

I know it can be difficult to go over this stuff, especially if you fear being identified. Please tell us all that you can, in the most general terms is fine. Lots of the answers you want vary according to circumstances.

 

[Ash]

So is it best to not focus on anything such as how the relationship ended or anything like that?

Just focus on what happens next and what happens in the meantime? and focus on those two matters? Is it wise to never use words like I and ME and focus on the best needs of the child?

What is involved in a position statement? and what examples could you provide in relation to how a FHDRA goes wrong?

Thank you

Hi. Will you be represented at the FHDRA or doing it yourself? The idea is to see if parents can reach agreement for a consent order. Most of the time this isn't going to happen, especially if the ex is hostile and making allegations. However agreement for interim time might be reached, pending the next stage.

Yes it's best to keep things 100% child focused as it's not really about the relationship that ended, but about showing you're willing to co parent amicably. Yes you could get criticised for saying things like "my time" and so on so better to say things like "child name's time with me". The mantra we usually suggest is "I just want my child to have happy loving relationships with both parents". And don't say anything negative about the ex.

A position statement is your opportunity to "update the position" since your application - about anything that's happened (if anything) and also an opportunity to say various things or ask for various things. Think of it as being able to speak to the Judge directly in advance and it can save having to say much on the day. Solicitors don't usually do position statements - they rely on their verbal submissions. Barristers sometimes do PS.

 

[Ash]

What did the Cafcass letter say? That's usually an indication as to whether they think allegations need investigating or not, but ultimately it's the Judge that decides.

 

[Jase896]

Hi Jase,

I still think it would help if you gave more details. Many members have been in a similar situation and knowing more of your case makes it possible to give better answers.

Are you applicant or respondent? I am the applicant

What was applied for? Prohibited steps order, Parental responsibility and 50/50 live in contact.

How far has stuff gone with the police? Still in the investigation stage, but complaints have gone in with the police force in question as I reported domestic abuse even before I was arrested and nothing was done about it.

Are the allegations about your ex or the child? My Ex has made allegations about me to the police and in the CAFCASS report she has made allegations that I have abused our daughter.

Are you seeing your daughter? I haven't seen my daughter now for 10 weeks as she will not let me

How far off is the hearing? The first hearing is 23rd April

Do you have money for representation? I have money now, depends how far it is going to go

Do you have a criminal record? No

It this the first set of proceedings in family court? Yes and I am petrified of the outcome.

How old is the child? Our daughter is 3 years old

Does the child know you? Yes, I was out daughters main care giver until this all happened

I know it can be difficult to go over this stuff, especially if you fear being identified. Please tell us all that you can, in the most general terms is fine. Lots of the answers you want vary according to circumstances.

 

[Jase896]

Hi. Will you be represented at the FHDRA or doing it yourself? The idea is to see if parents can reach agreement for a consent order. Most of the time this isn't going to happen, especially if the ex is hostile and making allegations. However agreement for interim time might be reached, pending the next stage.

Yes it's best to keep things 100% child focused as it's not really about the relationship that ended, but about showing you're willing to co parent amicably. Yes you could get criticised for saying things like "my time" and so on so better to say things like "child name's time with me". The mantra we usually suggest is "I just want my child to have happy loving relationships with both parents". And don't say anything negative about the ex.

A position statement is your opportunity to "update the position" since your application - about anything that's happened (if anything) and also an opportunity to say various things or ask for various things. Think of it as being able to speak to the Judge directly in advance and it can save having to say much on the day. Solicitors don't usually do position statements - they rely on their verbal submissions. Barristers sometimes do PS.

I will be represented at the FHDRA, as I feel there will be to many emotions involved if I do it myself.

I have no intention to get involved in a mudslinging match with my ex, all I care about is my daughter and her happiness.

The CAFCASS statement said that until the police investigation is over they cannot recommend interim contact, but my solicitor said we can ask for it and hope the judge agrees as I have been there for my daughter since the moment she was born and was the main caregiver in our relationship. I am the only male role model she has ever known

 

[Ash]

Hopefully your solicitor can argue for it then. It is the case that unless the Mother agrees to interim time, the court often doesn't order it. However Winger on here had a situation where his barrister persuaded the Judge to order interim time. How long is it till your hearing? If there is time, it could be a good option to use a direct access barrister for the hearing instead of the solicitor. They specialise in hearings. But if you feel confident that your solicitor is fighting your corner, then they might do a good job as well.

 

[Richie1989]

Have you contacted the police for an SAR to ask what allegations are being made against you? If they say they can’t give any information due to the nature of the allegation then basically that means it’s something along the lines off:
Stalking / harassment
Coercive control / manipulation

If this is the case then offer to do a voluntary police interview to go on record and give your side of the story. Have a solicitor present. This will prevent any knocks on the door and your phone being ceased without notice. Before going into the voluntary interview make sure all adult content is deleted and any dodgy stuff swapped between mates. I was part of several footy lad groups and there was all kinds of stuff they post. Delete the lot or that can bring different charges.

After the interview the interviewing police officer will speak to his sergeant and decide if they will pursue or NFA the allegations. That piece of paper was vital to my case as it was sent immediately to my exs solicitor showing all charges dropped due to insufficient evidence.
We submitted this along with copies of passed alcohol Peth tests and a 2 year mental health history. If I knew how much these would have helped and potentially speeded up the process I would have done them prior to being asked. It might cut out another hearing and also shock your ex to the core when you produce them.

Not sure of your allegations but if they are along the lines of the above and then also alcoholic/mentally ill, then the above will help.

If they submit C1A for domestic violence if there is no evidence attached then it’s just words on paper. If you have no criminal record and no social services involved then cafcass will report this in their report and also level 2 report.

I’m the meantime don’t retaliate, don’t let your ex antagonise, don’t refuse any time with your kids, don’t lose your head, focus on the long term goal, don’t message the ex or her family whatsoever unless it’s polite and focused on your child/wellbeing. Keep your head down and try and not let it mess with your head. I know that’s extremely hard and maybe if it’s torturing you, get some therapy/counselling. I did all the way through and it really helped.

Hope this helps

 

[Jase896]

Have you contacted the police for an SAR to ask what allegations are being made against you? If they say they can’t give any information due to the nature of the allegation then basically that means it’s something along the lines off:
Stalking / harassment
Coercive control / manipulation

If this is the case then offer to do a voluntary police interview to go on record and give your side of the story. Have a solicitor present. This will prevent any knocks on the door and your phone being ceased without notice. Before going into the voluntary interview make sure all adult content is deleted and any dodgy stuff swapped between mates. I was part of several footy lad groups and there was all kinds of stuff they post. Delete the lot or that can bring different charges.

After the interview the interviewing police officer will speak to his sergeant and decide if they will pursue or NFA the allegations. That piece of paper was vital to my case as it was sent immediately to my exs solicitor showing all charges dropped due to insufficient evidence.
We submitted this along with copies of passed alcohol Peth tests and a 2 year mental health history. If I knew how much these would have helped and potentially speeded up the process I would have done them prior to being asked. It might cut out another hearing and also shock your ex to the core when you produce them.

Not sure of your allegations but if they are along the lines of the above and then also alcoholic/mentally ill, then the above will help.

If they submit C1A for domestic violence if there is no evidence attached then it’s just words on paper. If you have no criminal record and no social services involved then cafcass will report this in their report and also level 2 report.

I’m the meantime don’t retaliate, don’t let your ex antagonise, don’t refuse any time with your kids, don’t lose your head, focus on the long term goal, don’t message the ex or her family whatsoever unless it’s polite and focused on your child/wellbeing. Keep your head down and try and not let it mess with your head. I know that’s extremely hard and maybe if it’s torturing you, get some therapy/counselling. I did all the way through and it really helped.

Hope this helps

Oh I know what the allegations are, she has alleged that I have raped her, controlled and coercived her, financially exploited her and common assault. They are all false and I have proof that I am in fact the one who has been subjected to these.

She was all happy to be demanding money from me on the Tuesday, on the Thursday she received a letter from the CMS requesting proof of parentage as she had previously told me that our daughter wasn’t mine, she flipped her lid and the next day I was arrested despite a week earlier she was begging me to come home. I was completely blindsided and the police have had my phone ever since but haven’t turned it on yet.

I haven’t seen my daughter now since January and honestly don’t know when or if I’ll ever see her again. I am receiving help from the NHS and help from a mens domestic abuse charity and in regular contact with the Samaritans for suicidal thoughts.

She is a probation and officer within the justice sector and I know full well she will be abusing her job and knowledge to make sure I never see our daughter again.

Thank you all

 

[Jase896]

Hopefully your solicitor can argue for it then. It is the case that unless the Mother agrees to interim time, the court often doesn't order it. However Winger on here had a situation where his barrister persuaded the Judge to order interim time. How long is it till your hearing? If there is time, it could be a good option to use a direct access barrister for the hearing instead of the solicitor. They specialise in hearings. But if you feel confident that your solicitor is fighting your corner, then they might do a good job as well.

I am hoping we can argue it, I just want to see my daughter so she knows I haven’t abandoned her. I will do anything I can to prove to the relevant authorities I am not a risk to her.

My first hearing is in 2 weeks time. It’s come around very quickly, so any advice in how to organise and what is needed to take for the first hearing would be helpful.

Thank you

 

[Richie1989]

Oh I know what the allegations are, she has alleged that I have raped her, controlled and coercived her, financially exploited her and common assault. They are all false and I have proof that I am in fact the one who has been subjected to these.

She was all happy to be demanding money from me on the Tuesday, on the Thursday she received a letter from the CMS requesting proof of parentage as she had previously told me that our daughter wasn’t mine, she flipped her lid and the next day I was arrested despite a week earlier she was begging me to come home. I was completely blindsided and the police have had my phone ever since but haven’t turned it on yet.

I haven’t seen my daughter now since January and honestly don’t know when or if I’ll ever see her again. I am receiving help from the NHS and help from a mens domestic abuse charity and in regular contact with the Samaritans for suicidal thoughts.

She is a probation and officer within the justice sector and I know full well she will be abusing her job and knowledge to make sure I never see our daughter again.

Thank you all

The thing is when sat in court the judge won’t care what she does for her job! She she might manipulate the narrative but believe me she’s not the first! Hopefully the process won’t take forever! How old is the child? Maybe a third party could contact her to arrange some contact? Accept your willing to be supervised if need be. I was supervised from March-October last year and means you might get some contact during court proceedings / interim orders.
It’s good you are getting support! It’s a very torturous process. Do you have a court date at all? Sorry if you have posted of previously on the thread

 

[Richie1989]

The thing is when sat in court the judge won’t care what she does for her job! She she might manipulate the narrative but believe me she’s not the first! Hopefully the process won’t take forever! How old is the child? Maybe a third party could contact her to arrange some contact? Accept your willing to be supervised if need be. I was supervised from March-October last year and means you might get some contact during court proceedings / interim orders.
It’s good you are getting support! It’s a very torturous process. Do you have a court date at all? Sorry if you have posted of previously on the thread

Just seen you have first hearing soon. It’s good you have submitted C100 and she is the respondent. Fingers crossed you get to see your daughter. Get you barrister to push for at least a few hours each week and again supervised if need be if she won’t accept anything else. Really hoping you make positive steps

 

[Jase896]

Just seen you have first hearing soon. It’s good you have submitted C100 and she is the respondent. Fingers crossed you get to see your daughter. Get you barrister to push for at least a few hours each week and again supervised if need be if she won’t accept anything else. Really hoping you make positive steps

Does getting supervised contact help prove to the people in charge that you are not a risk to your child and can be trusted in the long run and help aid in future decisions?

She is out there making every effort for me not to be apart of our daughters life and it’s really taken it’s toll on me mentally and physically and I must admit that there have been days where I have thought about ending my own life as the darkness has become very overwhelming, there is no budging with her in regards to any form of contact or picture of video calls, my only way for any contact now is through the courts and this has been one of the final nails on the coffin for my mental health, are there any tips that anyone can recommend?

 

[Richie1989]

Does getting supervised contact help prove to the people in charge that you are not a risk to your child and can be trusted in the long run and help aid in future decisions?

She is out there making every effort for me not to be apart of our daughters life and it’s really taken it’s toll on me mentally and physically and I must admit that there have been days where I have thought about ending my own life as the darkness has become very overwhelming, there is no budging with her in regards to any form of contact or picture of video calls, my only way for any contact now is through the courts and this has been one of the final nails on the coffin for my mental health, are there any tips that anyone can recommend?

Supervised contact is a short term situation that means you get to see your children while it’s going through court. At least then you are not completely severed from seeing your daughter and then you can battle it out in court in the meantime. The reason I say supervised is how can she possibly deny that?? It shows you are doing all you can to see your children while you jump the the allegations and proving them wrong. Like my solicitor said to me 4 hours a week/fortnight is better than nothing at all during the court proceedings. The rubbish thing is during the period of allegations the court will want to make sure their is no issue before taking it to a final hearing so it’s trying to work with them by requesting supervised during the process. It’s hard and it’s heartbreaking. It really is! However, it’s better than nothing and then in the meantime prove them allegations wrong. I know it’s shit and it feels unjust but in the meantime it’s imperative you play the game. A game I despise but know from experience it exists. I understand the mental health situation as well. I was in a very dark place as well. Counselling helped, contact elm foundation and try and get some free counselling. If you havnt already go to your doctors and get some tablets for anxiety but unless you have already done so don’t give to much away as it will be on your report and f the judge requests mental health report. Again it’s really shit! I went and got some tablets for anxiety and it showed on my report but it was explained that I reached out for support during a tough period of my life and it was an affect of me not seeing my child. Nothing wrong with that matey! So doctors will help but don’t talk to them about the dark thoughts unless already done so. Getting help isn’t a bad thing.

Seek a local support group or reach out to friends. Don’t suffer in silence and don’t turn to alcohol or drugs or that will go against you as well. I know it’s shit mate and I know you will feel trapped but try and see it as a game that you need to play to see your kids

 

[Jase896]

Spoken to my solicitor and we are going to argue for supervised contact as up until the end of the relationship, there was no issues with me looking after our daughter or any of these so called allegations. Everything came about after the relationship ended.

Why are the police so reluctant to help men out who have been abused and who face false allegations? Has anyone else had this problem?

I am trying my hardest to not let things affect me, but it’s all very overwhelming somedays and I find it hard to cope. As I said I am getting support, but somedays it isn’t enough. I would never turn to drugs or alcohol, it’s more the thoughts of suicide and self harming that I am plagued with day in and day out. I’m not sleeping or eating either.

Thank you