Family assistance order.... From bad to worse.

[Hobnob]

Section 7 undertaking, ex trying to manipulate Cafcass?

Hi everyone, Quick update on my case and I have a few questions I hope you can help me with.... 1. My situation - 3 kids with ex-wife, I'm remarried with 2 stepkids and live overseas in Europe, ex and kids are in the UK. Contact with kids was stopped for 14months due to covid travel...

dadswithkids.co.uk

Hi everyone, it's been a few weeks and my last thread was getting very long so I've started a new post and will try to recap briefly and have linked my previous thread above. Hope you're all still with me

For recap -
I live abroad with wife and 2 stepkids. Ex has my 3 kids in the UK, (son 13, daughters 10 and 8). CAO filed Dec' 21 when ex was refusing contact, being incredibly hostile to me and partner, kids rejecting me without cause, Cafcass found no safeguarding, at the FHDRA section 7 ordered and no interim order but was managing to have monthly weekend contact with my 2 youngest and managed to eventually persuade ex to allow overnights. No contact between visits and completely cut off by my son.

Section 7 was positive about both parents and recommended increasing my time and for my daughter's to travel to my home abroad - ex completely refused this and slated me and Cafcass via position statement. Cafcass also recommended a letter to my son (who hates me based upon lies and wiping of good memories) to answer his questions and to begin the process of reconnecting with him supported by the Cafcass officer. Ex agreed to the letter only. Both sides agreed to a family assistance order for 6 months to iron out issues with telephone contact with the kids and to make recommendations for a final court review, potentially without the need for another hearing if Cafcass could get the parents to agree. I'm asking for half of all school holidays to be spent abroad with me - ex objects to this for various spurious reasons.

Judge ordered interim contact of monthly Friday from school to Sunday back home for my 2 girls, a week at Xmas in the UK with the girls, once a week phonecalls/facetime with the girls, and for a plan to be put in place by Cafcass to reintroduce contact with my son.

If you've been following my story you may recall that the ex attempted to get this order rewritten, and actually wrote her own order and sent to the judge. My barrister and the judge shot her down and the original order stood. This caused a 2 week delay and we are now 7 weeks into the order.

I had concerns about the Cafcass officer who after the court hearing (they failed to show), started stonewalling me, but on the advice of my barrister I've stuck with it in the hope that Cafcass's involvement would help ensure the order is followed.

Here's what's been happening....
I travelled back to the UK at the beginning of August to collect my two daughters for my first Friday to Sunday weekend. It was a few days before my youngest's birthday and I'd booked us a nice cottage by the sea and took birthday decorations/balloons etc so we could have a nice birthday tea and cake together and we planned to go out shopping to choose the birthday gifts together on the Saturday.

When I arrived to collect the girls the ex shoved pen and paper in my face and demanded I write down the address of where I was staying. I said no and the ex kicked off and went crazy, verbally and physically abusing me in front of the children. When she opened the door, both my daughters were stood smiling ready to come with their bags, but when their mother started going crazy, she pushed the girls behind her, said you're not taking my children and slammed the door in my face.

She called the Cafcass officer whilst I sat in the car bewildered at what was happening then banged on my car window and shoved her phone in my face. Initially the Cafcass officer on the phone blamed me and I calmly explained my reason for not giving the address. I have my reasons and can explain if anyone wants to hear....

Anyway, I agreed to provide the address and the ex brought only my youngest child out and literally threw her car seat at me, and slammed the car door, shouting more abuse at me in front of my youngest as she did so.

I didn't see my elder daughter after that. My youngest and I ended up having a very subdued weekend and she missed her sister. During the weekend she kept asking me why she can't come to my home and also asked if there is a secret way we can message each other without mummy knowing because mummy doesn't like it. I reported all of this back to Cafcass after the visit and she agreed that what happened was completely unacceptable. Finally, she recognised what I've been asking for months - that a 3rd party handover is necessary when it's from home and that we should use a parenting app for communication and have no further direct contact with each other.

I also reported to her that I haven't had a single court-ordered telephone contact with my daughters since the order came into force and that I was still awaiting for the letter to my son to be facilitated. Excuses from the mother re the lack of calls were "their SIM cards are not standard and they don't have data", I call them on a normal phone call they only need signal and nothing to do with data or WiFi. They have standard sim cards as I bought their phones and set them up. When I call the call gets declined or unanswered. It's court ordered for the mother to facilitate the calls and this just isn't happening.

Mother and Cafcass constantly talking to me about finances and Cafcass reporting back to me that the children are asking questions about finances and want to know how much I earn and do I have any money - You may recall that the majority of my son's questions he wanted addressing in the letter were regarding finances and his false belief that I'd bought myself a Mercedes...

For background on this, I was financially abused by ex for over a decade, she's entirely money-orientated, (wasn't allowed a bank account - was a skint high earner as she siphoned off thousands from my business account), walked away in the divorce with zero and gave her everything, she deliberately racked up huge legal bills for me to pay and using the children as leverage extracted money out of me post-divorce. I pay a financial resolution to her for the next x amount of years which paid for her to remortgage the house in her own sole name and gave her all of the equity and contents, I still pay for a joint loan with her and I pay child maintenance. I recently reduced this legitimately and fairly due to taking into account caring for my stepdaughters (I only did this year despite providing for my stepdaughters for over 2 years), a reduction in my income due to lack of work, and to take into account the exchange rate. She doesn't agree to this, is pleading poverty to the kids and Cafcass, claiming she's a single parent when her boyfriend actually lives with her, and spending stupid amounts of money on unnecessary items for the kids then sending me the receipts and demanding I pay for them. I've told her my monthly payments are to cover my contribution to the children's expenses, but she is using this to alienate and talking to the kids constantly about money. I'm actually skint and paying her the maximum I can afford, she can't seem to get her head around the fact that we are no longer financially tied and she can't control my money anymore. At one point I was paying her £1.3k a month just in maintenance, far more than I should have been. We can't go through CMS as I live abroad, but I've used their calculator and have paid more than a fair amount to her. She's had thousands upon thousands from me and bleats to everyone how I don't provide.

The Cafcass officers plan was as follows-

 

[Hobnob]

....

Instruct the mother not to talk to the children about adult matters especially finances.

Instruct the mother to inform me she was taking the children on holiday in August. - didn't happen.

Mothers boyfriend to facilitate handover of the children - that's been arranged for my next drop off in September.

Me to find and set up parenting app - I settled on 'talking parents' because it's free, as ex said I had to pay for it. The only communication she's sent on it was about money, nothing about the kids.

Cafcass officer to take the children to Cafcass office to explain the court order to them, get them to call me, and show my son the letter.


Had a call from Cafcass last night saying her visit with the kids didn't go well at all. The Cafcass officer actually sounded really depressed on the phone and helpless. Apparently my son cried and took the letter well, asking her to pass on his thanks to me for answering his questions, but he's not yet ready to consider having any contact with me and is still discussing money. Her words were, "he has the weight of the world on his shoulders" and is very protective of his mother.

My middle daughter now point-blank refuses to discuss me and wants nothing to do with me. (I've been seeing her every month for 5 months up to the court hearing and all visits were happy and positive until she witnessed her mother being abusive to me). She regressed into a very young child-like state in front of the Cafcass officer and got very distressed, self-protection, and the officer said this is classic signs of emotional trauma.

My youngest was still happy to spend time with me but doesnt want to contact me on the phone and won't say why.

The Cafcass officer said she's at a loss of what to do now and needs a few days to think about the best approach and what outside help she needs for the children. She plans to visit the mother today to talk to her about her concerns and tell her to stop involving the kids in her animosity towards me. There was other stuff she hinted at but didn't tell me. Cafcass concluded she thinks when I go to pick up my daughters from school this month that it won't go well and my eldest daughter will refuse to come. She also said she's had to tell the mother that she can't attend the school that day (I feared this would happen to, but Cafcass obviously see the potential is there for her to try to obstruct the pick up without me mentioning any concerns).

I have to keep reiterating to Cafcass that the animosity and conflict is one-sided. I don't say a word to the kids about their mother and have never exposed them to any of this hostility. I've not seen my son for 2 years or spoken to him this year so how can all this stuff he's bringing up come from me? I haven't seen my elder daughter since July so now this sudden U-turn on spending time with me since the court hearing and all this talk of finances from a 10-year old also hasn't come from me.

Even my 8 year old has started talking about money.

Since the interim order began its actually got worse, not better, and I'm now only likely to be seeing my youngest, having no telephone calls whatsoever and the alienation has gone skywards. When will Cafcass realise that she is harming these children and at what stage can I go for enforcement of this order?

As it stands, my kids are too distressed to spend time with me or speak to me, and they won't force them to do so even if Cafcass recommend it the mother ignores or slates Cafcass, so where do I go from here?

There's only 4 months left of this family assistance order and my chances of getting a final order look to be getting more slim by each passing day. There's no consequences for the mother so she can keep obstructing the court order and reinforcing that I can't have a final order for more time as 2 of the 3 children are rejecting me, and the ex claims my youngest only 'thinks' she wants to spend time with me because she "doesn't appreciate the reality of the situation".

Since the family assistance order began, the Cafcass officer has been on annual leave 3 times and is on annual leave again next week. I'm supposed to have a review meeting with her on the first Monday of each month and that's hasn't happened or even been mentioned. The contact I do have with Cafcass is always difficult. Last night's conversation was while she was driving home and the call kept dropping. She never has her notes in front of her, forgets things, ignores all of my emails and I have to keep chasing her and repeating everything to her, she's constantly apologising and making excuses for her lack of keeping me updated or getting back to me. Here's a little kicker - last week the ex and kids and the Cafcass officer and her granddaughter were all on holiday at the same place ! She didn't know prior that ex was going there or wouldn't have arranged it apparently.

She's now admitted she doesn't know what to do and I have no faith that her talking to the mother today will make a blind bit of difference.

When I told my barrister my concerns about Cafcass he said this is standard stuff you just have to get on with it and it's far too soon into the order to say it's not working or to go for enforcement. I have to be patient. Things have worsened so dramatically though I'm so worried that if I don't act now and try to do something to salvage this order I will come away with nothing.

Cafcass are supposed to be helping, she actually said to me last night she thinks she's made things worse.

What do I do next?

 

[blindex]

I'd suggest:
- that you keep a short and succinct diary about all your Cafcass interactions so far.
- Perhaps after each conversation with the officer, email her back with the 'meeting minutes', where it took place, duration, what was discussed agreed, etc. Again be brief, factual, avoid inflammatory language, etc and send it back to her. This will help you gain a sense of control over the process
- Suggest to the Cafcass officer that the children need psychoterapeutical support, and that both mother and father need to be involved in the process
- Check out Dr Amy Baker website as there is a lot of information for parents in this situation https://www.amyjlbaker.com

Think of other ways to de-escalate the situation. Ultimately, when you come back to court you have to demonstrate to the judge that you acted calmly, rationaly and most importantly in the best interest of your children.

 

[Ash]

It is incredibly frustrating isn't it? More than that I know - very hard for you. But I mean frustrating that they think a Cafcass officer telling your ex what to do will make much difference - and being too nicey nicey about everything.

Most of all of that could have been covered by a very good defined order. Stating absolutely everything. Whether or not parents have to give holiday details/addresses (some do, some don't some have every little detail including flight numbers, some just have an emergency contact number - easier when both parents want the same thing).

But normally in this situation a defined order would literally just state the times and dates the kids are with you - and it is none of the ex's business where you go or what you do. Full stop. Out of courtesy, some include things like - will give an emergency contact number (which they have anyway - your mobile number).

And your ex would just be expected to comply with it to the letter. Now even if she did that and the order was clearly defined and included clauses like "neither parenting will discuss adult matters with the child" (pointless saying that to an alienator in some ways) - there is still her behaviour and its very difficult to put that in an order - but yes you can have clauses that communication will be via email (or a specific parenting app), that both parents will communicate courteously and civilly. All kinds of things like that. It helps a bit.

And you've had the frustrating experience of the Cafcass officer being around and saying these things need saying rather than just getting an order with it all in (which will probably come) and meanwhile the kids have been going through it.

What your ex is doing is playing Cafcass, who just don't get what to do with alienation because they're not trained in it. It's like talking reason to an unreasonable person - like banging your head against a wall.

What's needed is something to scare her into behaving - like a Judge threatenign to send her to prison if she doesn't follow an order to the letter. And that may come.

I am thinking you need an ISW (Independent Social Worker) to replace the Cafcass officer. They can verify the PA and do a better job at helping the kids. I know that's how some Dads have proved PA. It usually means paying a private one but I believe both parents have to agree to it again.

I'm aware of one but don't know if she'd cover your region.

When is the next hearing?

Ok so if you lived in the Uk you'd be pushing for residency due to the emotional harm and attempted PA of the kids. But you don't live in the Uk so that's a much bigger long shot. I think you applied for 50/50 didn't you?

The Mother is playing the card - if she acts really atrociously and it shows the kids will be harmed by the conflict then the court might order no contact with you. It would be wrong - but that's the card she's playing. Something to scare her might be a threat to change residency if she doesn't stop doing it.

I'm aware of another Dad who had years of this (and the PA was much worse) - it did get resolved in court - a 50/50 order was made and play therapy ordered for the kids. It worked. The ex still badmouthed him and his partner to the kids but they had enough time away from her to be able to develop some normality and some strategies. The ex tried the odd disruptive thing like forgetting bags for the kids then turning up at the house on the doorstep with bags. But the order was amended to prevent her coming within x yards of the house. Once they have a measure of her they just tighten the order wording each time/

It is a really big incentive for her to behave if she thinks she might lose residency (or even sole residency via 50/50).

So what to do. Your ex successfully disrupted your break in the holiday cottage. And absolutely handovers need to be organised to avoid conflict or ex being present. And absolutely communication needs distance.

It costs money but "Our Family Wizard" is supposed to be very good and is sometimes court ordered.

I seem to remember the next hearing isn't till January, is that right?

The idea of an interim order is to see how it goes, and how ex behaves rather than enforce anything. And it can be a stressful time.

Cafcass will probably report all this back in a woolly way and say they don't know what to do blah blah. Or just literally report things without any conclusion. You are right it's all fairly useless.

I do think - if you have some time to wait for a hearing - you can ask for the FAW to be replaced with an Independent social worker. I am sure the FAW would accept why you've requested that and admit they don't know what to do (ie are out of their depth!).

Your ex caught you out - asking for that information just as you were picjing the kids up. That was deliberate. She could have texted or emailed in advance asking for info.

I was also advised "just tell her" when mine was like this. Not the address, just the location. She could easily find out anyway if the kids have a smartphone on, via GPS from Find my Phone or something. So she deliberately chose to confront you instead - which is basically intimidation for the kids witnessing that. Intimidate them into not wanting to go because this is how Mum gets and how can they enjoy it if she behaves like that.

You're doing ok. You're trying to follow the order, you're dealing with the Cafcass officer (who appears to have achieved very little but is at least recognising what your ex is doing and telling her not to and has arranged for neutral handovers).

So on a positive note I think handovers will be better now - hope her partner behaves. And the other positive thing is - the Cafcass officer is still involved so those handovers must happen - someone is keeping an eye on her and knows she can't get away with saying - kids don't want to come.

The other thing your ex is trying is hoping you'll give up to avoid the stress for the kids (which she is causing).

Don't you just wish asbo's still existed and we could just get them locked up for antisocial behaviour?!

I'll PM you the ISW details I know of. If she can';t do it she might know someone who can and they're used to working for courts and taking over from Cafcass.

A defined order wouldn't be done until final hearing but the interim shenanigans would show that a very clear and very defined order is needed with many clauses on what must and must not be done and behaviour etc.

If she didn't comply with that you'd then need to be asking for a suspended residence order.

But I think you need to take the bull by the horns and get something very constructive to report back at the next hearing in terms of constructive evidence from a professional other than Cafcass if possible. No more faffing and talking about things and useless words - some strong interventions and robust solutions needed - and you'd have the evidence to ask for that.

 

[Ash]

I can also see where your Barrister is coming from saying go with it. All this will come up at the next hearing, and Cafcass FAW will have reported back on ex's behaviour and the effects on the children. It will be very very clear to the court that ex is the problem. They then have to think what to do to resolve the problem and that's where your barrister comes in probably with firm/strong solutions.

I have no idea whether an ISW can take over from the FSW at this stage but it's worth enquiring if it's possible (PM'd you the details). They will know.

 

[Hobnob]

Apologies I dip in and out of here with updates, life is just mega crazy busy at the moment.
I'm back to update as there have been some major developments in my Family Assistance Order...

As you may recall, the mother tried to change the order and got seriously rebuffed by the judge. Since the order came into play she has breached, breached and breached again. My time with my children has actually gotten worse since the court order and I've only been seeing my youngest daughter instead of both of my daughters as I had been doing between March and July.

Frustratingly, Cafcass had been dragging their feet, excepting the mothers excuses (even defending her when she verbally and physically abused me in front of the children during a pick up in the summer holidays), and my barrister was telling me it was too soon to go for enforcement.

A couple of weeks ago of emailed the Cafcass officer with my concerns - in relation to each of my 3 children, the court order not being followed, the worrying behaviour of my children, no next steps in place in the family assistance order, and the monthly reviews not been scheduled. The Cafcass officer massively saw her a*se with me and replied basically saying if you're not happy with me go ahead and complain, have me removed, here's my manager's contact details....
I spoke with my barrister and £200 lighter he told me not to wind up Cafcass and to be more patient, he told me to email her apologising for crossed wires and reassuring her that I absolutely value her support and have no complaint . He said it will hurt but do it and I did.

Cafcass officer assigned then went on holiday for 2 weeks with assurances that on her return she would put an action plan together and she also gave me dates up to January for monthly reviews. A start at least as now 3 months into a 6 month order !

Then last week something quite dramatic happened...

At the end of last week I was due to travel to the UK to collect my two daughters from school for my court ordered weekend with them, (the first time pick up would happen at school without mother present).

I'd already discussed with Cafcass my concerns that mother would keep middle child at home or be present at school, Cafcass agreed with these concerns and assured me that they had made it clear to the ex she had to follow the court order.

2 days before I was due to travel I got a call from my Cafcass officer's manager. Apparently the ex had been making quite a nuisance of herself, constantly trying to get hold of our Cafcass officer who was out of office for 2 weeks (as informed). When that didn't work she started bombarding their switchboard and demanding to speak to the manager. Eventually the manager called her and the ex was trying to stop my contact and wanted Cafcass to back her up.


The manager told her in no uncertain terms that Cafcass would not approve her breaking a court order. At this, the ex said I want to take him to an emergency hearing to stop contact. As there are no safeguarding concerns or allegations, the manager told her she can't do that and she must not try to stop my contact. The ex threatened not to take middle daughter to school and indicated that she'd already informed school and they were in agreement.

The manager called me to discuss this and asked me what my plan was for pick up. I explained and also that I cannot go to collect the children from the house due to the risk of abuse and intimidation in front of the kids, and as Cafcass haven't yet organised a third party handover, it has to be school as per the court order. The manager agreed entirely and told me I was sensible and thoughtful in relation to the children's well-being. She told me that she would be calling the ex back and reiterating to her that this is the last contact she's prepared to have with her on this matter, and that she MUST take both girls to school on Friday and not break the court order. She also said that when our Cafcass officer returns from holiday she would be speaking to her and telling her to get a grip of this case as this has to stop. She also told the mother that my middle daughters sudden reluctance to see me is down to the negativity she is displaying to the children about me and that my daughter is only behaving this way to align with her mother. The manager also contacted the school to put them in the picture and I sent them a copy of the court order.

Fast forward to Friday. I land at the airport and immediately get a ping on the parenting app from the ex saying "despite mine and the schools best efforts, middle daughter is too distressed to go to school and I will be speaking to Cafcass about this".

I only had my youngest again which went fantastically well as always. Youngest daughter informed me that her mother didn't attempt to take her sister to school that morning. She left her with her parents who live close by and only took youngest to school.

When I got to school, the head was in a meeting so I didn't get chance to ask what happened that morning with my other daughter being absent. I emailed them this week to raise it as a concern. The head replied that it was not a concern as my daughters attendance has not yet fallen below 75%!!

 

[Hobnob]

After the bank holiday, our Cafcass officer called me and clearly her manager has put a rocket up her backside. She completely changed her tune and has gone from defending my ex, saying things like "this is what children do", blaming me for my children rejecting me, to absolute disgust and fury at my exes behaviour !
We were discussing the suddenly turnaround in my middle daughter who I've now had no contact with for 3 months and the Cafcass officer told me "you don't need to justify yourself, I've seen for myself you have a close loving relationship with both of your daughters". She accepted that the ex had deliberately obstructed my visit and manipulated the school. Ex was also present on drop off when she's been told specifically by Cafcass not to be there. She was also unhappy about the number of emails ex had sent to her whilst she was on vacation, the content of which was the ex refusing to comply with any of Cafcass's or the courts directions.

The Cafcass officer informed me that in light of exes refusal to cooperate that she has no choice but to pull her into the Cafcass office yesterday, instructing her not to bring the children with her, where she intended to tell ex that if she doesn't stop this behaviour immediately, she will be contacting social services to start a child protection plan as she is emotionally harming the children. She agreed to call me after that meeting to update me.

My partner, as a mother herself, really thought this would make the ex finally come to her senses at the threat of child protection being involved and Cafcass stating she is harming the children; any normal mother would have the fear of God put in to her to hear those words... I was less convinced and after hearing back from Cafcass yesterday, I had called it right.

The mother still refuses to accept Cafcass assesment of my parenting and relationship with the kids and she still refuses to cooperate with either the court order or the Cafcass family assistance order. The Cafcass officer apologised to me and said she has no choice but to take her to court and involve social services. She is speaking to her manager today and sending us both an action plan by this Friday.

As much as I don't want this for my children, I know they are suffering and I know that without serious intervention, the mother will never relent in her campaign to remove me from their lives. I feel since this manager has become involved Cafcass are finally admitting what's happening and they have no criticism of me as I have followed every order to the letter and have remained consistent and honest throughout.

I've kept my barrister in the loop and he says its good that Cafcass are now being so aggressive with the mother.
I know this isn't going to get fixed overnight and SS involvement will be just another opportunity for the ex to try to manipulate the professionals and align them with her, but it gives me hope at least that Cafcass have uttered words they can't go back on now, she is emotionally harming the children. Something has to be done and I will fight all the way to protect them.

I guess I'll have more news tomorrow when I hear again from Cafcass. I'm also anticipating that the ex will file her own application. Not sure how that would work but as she's told Cafcass she's going to take me back to court to get the order overturned I can only assume that is her next tactic. I've no idea how she'd achieve that as there are no safeguarding concerns and the section 7 report was positive about me, I haven't put a foot wrong with my children or the courts. I guess I just sit tight for now.

 

[blindex]

Flipping Cafcass.... flipping system.... I feel sorry for you and for all of us as a matter of fact.... It is just appalling how resident parents, mothers, can get away with bloody murder and if we dare to voice any legitimate criticism we're immediately labelled as 'a high conflict' parents...
I now have formal complaints raised with the Parliamentary Ombudsman (against the courts), the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman (against the local authority) and Cafcass (which will soon be escalated to the Parliamentary Ombudsman), plus I'm in the process of writing to the school not as a complaint, but to register my dissatisfaction with the shameless way in which they aligned themselves with the mother....

 

[Hobnob]

Please ignore sheer number of typos! Rushing to type on my phone, damn predictive text !

 

[blindex]

After the bank holiday, our Cafcass officer called me and clearly her manager has put a rocket up her backside. She completely changed her tune and has gone from defending my ex, saying things like "this is what children do", blaming me for my children rejecting me, to absolute disgust and fury at my exes behaviour !
We were discussing the suddenly turnaround in my middle daughter who I've now had no contact with for 3 months and the Cafcass officer told me "you don't need to justify yourself, I've seen for myself you have a close loving relationship with both of your daughters". She accepted that the ex had deliberately obstructed my visit and manipulated the school. Ex was also present on drop off when she's been told specifically by Cafcass not to be there. She was also unhappy about the number of emails ex had sent to her whilst she was on vacation, the content of which was the ex refusing to comply with any of Cafcass's or the courts directions.

I'm delighted that Cafcass has now got their act together for you and your children's sake!

 

[Hobnob]

Flipping Cafcass.... flipping system.... I feel sorry for you and for all of us as a matter of fact.... It is just appalling how resident parents, mothers, can get away with bloody murder and if we dare to voice any legitimate criticism we're immediately labelled as 'a high conflict' parents...
I now have formal complaints raised with the Parliamentary Ombudsman (against the courts), the Local Government and Social Care Ombudsman (against the local authority) and Cafcass (which will soon be escalated to the Parliamentary Ombudsman), plus I'm in the process of writing to the school not as a complaint, but to register my dissatisfaction with the shameless way in which they aligned themselves with the mother....

This sounds incredibly stressful. I recently complained about a mediator to the mediation standards board and that was unnecessarily bureaucratic and drawn out, so I can only imagine how time consuming and frustratingly slow it must be for you to have to go down that road. Necessary if the agencies tasked with your children's welfare have failed to do their jobs, but in the meantime, the children don't get their childhood back !

Wishing you success with your complaints and I truly hope the Ombudsman listens and acts appropriately in the true best interests of your children and their rights.

 

[Ash]

That is a big update Hobnob. Hellish but some progress. There os a strategy sometimes mentioned of - give her enough rope and she’ll hang herself. Although that is no help to your children in this situation.

So Cafcass are getting social services involved. Who also aren’t that trained in parental alienation. Some are actually and there are some good social workers. But he really there aren’t.

They are all sitting on the fence not knowing what to do aren’t they?

With you and your kids in the middle.

Have you asked your barrister about asking the court for psychologists reports in both parents? To give decisive evidence that your ex is an alienator and the only solution is to transfer residence.

At the moment the situation could be seen as “intractable “. The danger there is if it goes in too long all the professionals give up saying stress needs to be taken off the kids. It gets to make or break. Where the only solutions are to either leave them with the Mother or transfer residence to you. And that’s where you don’t want things being wishy washy.

So a lot of tut tutting about the Mother and social services getting involved. I think there needs to be something more. If possible. When is the next hearing?