My ex and her mum drink often and do so while my son is in there care. For example a friend saw my ex and her mum both drunk while out with our son . I then had similar story from someone else I know. I know they wouldn't want any harm coming to him but I'm worried that this goes on . I am currently trying to sort a better schedule for seeing my son so the timing might not be great if I say something.
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Ex drinks while in charge of our son
- Thread starter OliverR
- Start date
This is, of course, worrying. Because the system is so biased, however, accusing the Mother of being drunk in charge of your child will just be seen as making allegations. If you have serious concerns, the best route would be to contact social services. However, they may not find anything and your ex may deny it. Unfortunately it is only usually when they do something criminal or get done for drink driving or whatever, that this becomes of interest to social services. As with everything, you need evidence. Of course if someone else saw this, they might report it to social services.
No now is probably not the time to mention it, while you're trying to work out a schedule. However, what you could do is have in a parenting plan (or a recital in a court order if you end up applying to court) - that "neither parent will consume alcohol while child is in their care". Courts like things like "neither parent" as then it doesn't sound like you're accusing anyone, and it shows you are committing to the same yourself and just seeking agreed parenting behaviour.
Not that that would stop her, but it might make her think twice. You could raise it at mediation. But you have to be careful. Even if you casually mentioned someone had seen her drunk out with the child, she would immediately think you "have something on her" and could retaliate with hostility and try and keep you away from child. Keep a lot of things close to your chest. While honesty and openness is a good thing, strategy and careful negotiation are needed with separated parents with a child due to the whole legal situation.
So you might bring it up at mediation by saying. I think it would be helpful for both of us if we both guarantee not to drink alcohol while child is with us. I think it's important to be able to help with trust.
Then it looks good for you and doesn't actually accuse her of it. If it happens again you could think about the next stage.
It's a tricky one - I used to worry about this a lot. My ex was a single Mum and drank alone at night - what most people would call social drinking but it's usually after she'd had a couple of glasses of wine I'd get nasty texts and she was clearly drunk. My son was asleep in bed. And yes I did worry. But - she was usually fine in the morning.
It's one reason I bent over backwards to keep amicable with her - to keep an eye on things.
No now is probably not the time to mention it, while you're trying to work out a schedule. However, what you could do is have in a parenting plan (or a recital in a court order if you end up applying to court) - that "neither parent will consume alcohol while child is in their care". Courts like things like "neither parent" as then it doesn't sound like you're accusing anyone, and it shows you are committing to the same yourself and just seeking agreed parenting behaviour.
Not that that would stop her, but it might make her think twice. You could raise it at mediation. But you have to be careful. Even if you casually mentioned someone had seen her drunk out with the child, she would immediately think you "have something on her" and could retaliate with hostility and try and keep you away from child. Keep a lot of things close to your chest. While honesty and openness is a good thing, strategy and careful negotiation are needed with separated parents with a child due to the whole legal situation.
So you might bring it up at mediation by saying. I think it would be helpful for both of us if we both guarantee not to drink alcohol while child is with us. I think it's important to be able to help with trust.
Then it looks good for you and doesn't actually accuse her of it. If it happens again you could think about the next stage.
It's a tricky one - I used to worry about this a lot. My ex was a single Mum and drank alone at night - what most people would call social drinking but it's usually after she'd had a couple of glasses of wine I'd get nasty texts and she was clearly drunk. My son was asleep in bed. And yes I did worry. But - she was usually fine in the morning.
It's one reason I bent over backwards to keep amicable with her - to keep an eye on things.
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