There's a website I keep being drawn to which talks about when children reject a parent. They have this advice about dealing with it.
- Ask your child what he or she needs from you in order to repair the relationship. If your child tells you something specific, just listen and determine if you can honor your childs request. If it is reasonable and sincere, than do your best to repair what has been broken.
- Dont act on your feelings of defensiveness. If you feel defensive, learn to talk within your own head and keep your mouth shut. You should not defend yourself to your child. You can say something neutral, such as, I have a different perspective on the story, but Im not going to defend myself because it wont be productive.
- Expect Respect. Realize that no matter what, everyone deserves to be treated with respect including you.
- Dont idealize your children or your relationship with them. Yes, our children are the most important people in our lives, but they should not be idealized or enshrined. They are mere mortals just like you and I.If your child is rejecting you, its one thing to feel disappointed and sad, but it becomes unhealthy if you cant focus on anything else other than that. You are best served to remind yourself that you have other relationships that are important as well, and learn to focus on the ones that work.
- Grieve. Allow yourself to feel the sadness of being rejected by your child. Grieve over the loss of the innocence that the relationship once was. Grieve over your lost child even though he or she is still alive. In your world, he/she is no longer part of your life. That sense of what can I do? keeps you yearning and longing for reconciliation; but sometimes reconciliation is not forthcoming.
- Live one day at a time. Even if you have no contact with your child today, you have no way of knowing what tomorrow may bring. None of us does. The best thing we can do is to live the best way we know how today. When you can focus on one day only, you feel less hopeless and desperate. Remind yourself, I cannot predict the future.
- Dont beg. No matter how hurt or desperate you feel to have a relationship with your rejecting child, never stoop to the level of begging for attention or even forgiveness. You will not be respected by your child if you beg and it will demean your position as a parent.
- Be empowered. Dont let your rejecting child steal your personal power. Just because you are having difficulties in this area of your life, dont get to the place where you feel personally defeated. Do what it takes to be good to yourself seek therapy, join a support group, travel, go to the gym, do whatever you can to own your own power and stop giving it away to anyone else.
, its now that we dont have anything to look forward to" 