Cafcass Interview tomorrow

[OliverR]

Hi guys I have my cafcass interview tomorrow afternoon and was just looking for any tips or advice .

From watching YouTube videos and articles I have learnt the following ....

Don't mud sling towards the other parent

Stay child focused

Talk about the activities you do with your child , play football, go to the park etc .

I've mentioned previously that my exes family are drinkers however to mention this would be mud slinging right?

I guess there's a borderline wh mud singing, for example I've had text messages refusing additional time and general immature comments/ responses . Some examples like when I asked the address of my sons nursery she said she couldn't remember. When I said he needs more time with his dad she said "he is OK thanks" am I best steering away from this ?

I'm just wondering what she may say about me , but I appreciate the purpose is not a slagging match .

The real reason I ask the above is that I just watched a video of a dad's experiences of ghe interview and he said he wishes he had told them a little more and his ex threw some things in hers .

Any advice appreciated

 

[Ash]

I've mentioned previously that my exes family are drinkers however to mention this would be mud slinging right?

Yes - Cafcass are welfare officers not Judges. Save the texts for evidence at a court hearing Basically it is not about the other parent or their family or what either says about the other parent, but about Cafcass assessing you as a safe suitable parent. So if you do talk a lot about the ex and her family and that they're drinkers or whatever, they will just say there is conflict between the parents and that is harmful to the child. What you need to do is win Cafcass over with how child focused you are. Don't know all the details of your case but I think you need to forget any welfare concerns with ex's side of the family - unless you have hard evidence such as a police report or previous social services report regarding them.

It's a weird situation. Ex's nearly always make allegations. This can be put down to her being a) emotional b) vindictive c) anxious and largely ignored - providing you don't make allegations as well. Then it becomes "conflict between parents". If Cafcass think the conflict is on both sides they may say - minimal time with Dad to avoid conflict for the child.

Basically the more impressed Cafcass are with you, the more time you're likely to get. So try to drop the anger and frustration at your ex and put that to one side and focus on talking about the kids and showing Cafcass what kind of parent you are,

They may try and trip you up by saying - your ex says xyz (eg you're an alcoholic and aggressive). To see what you say. Don't react. Be prepared for these fast balls and say you're aware she is saying these things and you think she is upset by you applying to court. Or soemthing like that. Then change the subject onto the kids!

And if you can - say positive things about the Mother - that's how you win them over and you then come across as the child focused one. Like she's a good Mum. organised and keeps kids well dressed etc. And all I want is "for the children to have happy loving homes with both their parents". That is the mantra. Repeat as necessary.

 

[OliverR]

Thanks Ash , good advice . I'm just prepping some notes so will go with . I did read about the interviwer possibility trying to trip you up so I'll do as you've suggested .

My hope is that she acts as she has previously basically immature and possessive but chances are she'll put on an act for them .

 

[Ash]

Are they coming to your home?

 

[OliverR]

Are they coming to your home?

No it's just an interview tomorrow. Are they likely to want to visit?

 

[Ash]

Is the interview in person or over the phone? I know these days a lot of corners are being cut. A S7 always used to be at your home.

 

[OliverR]

It's over the phone

 

[Peanut 21]

In a way it could be a positive if she slags you off and in return you don't. It may show the issue is with her.
Most of the time the allegations are to bait you so just don't bite.

 

[Ash]

Good luck and let us know how it went.

 

[Peanut 21]

This is a cafcass guide which may help.

 

[Ash]

Thanks for linking that Peanut - I have seen that guide regarding all court proceedings before. It's a Rights of Women one And it contains some very useful information! Terrible title that "Rights of Women!" It should be rights of children.

 

[Peanut 21]

Thanks for linking that Peanut - I have seen that guide regarding all court proceedings before. It's a Rights of Women one And it contains some very useful information! Terrible title that "Rights of Women!" It should be rights of children.

Yes annoying name. Applies to mums AND dads.

 

[OliverR]

Did my Cafcass interview last week , went pretty well i thought . I didnt sling any mud her way . When i asked the cafcass worker if she thinks my application is realistic she said she dosent see why not but as i only have my son one night a fortnight i would have to build up gradually to 50 percent.

Once the report has been submitted the courts will decide the next course of action (22nd of Feb) .

I currently have my 2 year old son the following....

Sat 9.00am - Sun 9.00am week 1

Sun 9am - 5pm week 2

Repeated....

My ex in the past week has offered me a night in the week every other week and that she will review it every 6 months , she is concerned my proposal and more time with me will disrupt his routine! Ive stuck to my guns and politely told her that im sticking by my proposal.

She has since threatened with a solicitors letter but im unsure what they are going to say , probably something about my sons age and his routine etc.

I do understand his routine is important but he is happy when he is with me and im a capable parent so dont see this is a reason to not give me more time?

 

[Ash]

The "routine" argument is not an argument. Because she is basically saying the "routine" is with her, when it could be a routine with both parents. The sooner your child gets into a new routine, the better! It's a case of patience at the moment - wait and see what the Cafcass report says, be prepared to argue your case if it's not as good as you'd like. It all gets sorted at a final hearing which is when you can persuade a Judge.

 

[OliverR]

Hi Guys, so the Cafcass report has been issued. I went about it by saying she is a good mum and that things are amicable and that she informs me if he is ill etc.

She said there are no safeguarding issues with me but told them he sleeps in my room and he doesnt have a bedroom at my house ( his bed is currently in my room as im in the process of sorting the spare room to create a bedroom for him) however the way that cafcass worded it make it sound as though he just sleeps in my bed. She told them that when he comes back from a night staying with me he is unsettled after sharing a bed with me.

She told them that i start work at 7.30 and that would make nursery a long day for him . She also said that i used to have him on a weeknight for a couple of hours but i stopped it as i felt neither of us were getting anything out of it.

She went on to say that she is apposed to a shared care arrangement but is not opposed to contact progressing but it needs to be stepped and attuned to our sons needs and that i need to demonstrate i can cope and manage more contact.


She messaged me to tell me that they misunderstood her about the sleeping arrangements and that she would email them .
She sent a screenshot of the email and basically told them that he sleeps in my bedroom not his own and that she has a bedroom for him which is really happy sleeping and playing in.

The family court advisor followed up the report by saying that she sees no reason why i should not play a more significant part in my son's care allthough this will need to progress over a period of time. She has advised them that as we communicate and things are relatively amicable that we should mediate .

My ex offered me a weeknight every other week that brings it up to a night a week and that it would be reviewed every six months and that she would get the nursery to do a report to say how he is after he has stayed with me . While that might sound like a senisble approach to some i dont trust her and the reason she is doing this is so that she gives up as little time as possible and still has the control. It shouldnt be that way but i dont trust the nursery to not be working with her and even if they did a report in my favour i dont think that would be passed on.

My life at the moment feels like a battle with her daily and i want that to go away, id rather the courts make a desicion than being dictated to and controlled by her for years to come. Drip fed the odd night here in there.


Has anyone been in a similar position to this, any advice welcome .

 

[Ash]

but it needs to be stepped and attuned to our sons needs

I've seen that kind of comment a few times recently and it's a cop out. The child's needs are regular and significant time with both parents. None of this "attuned to his needs".

Anyway the positives are - there are no welfare issues. Does the report recommend mediation? It should go to a final hearing after the first hearing and Cafcass won't be involved any more, so it doesn't matter what your ex says. Take anything she offers in the interim though. At the first hearing you can agree interim time but you can ask for how you want interim time in a position statement. Usually interim time is only ordered if agreed to though. So it may be just taking what she offers in the interim. But don't agree to those terms for a final consent order. So if you don't agree to everything it will go to a final hearing.

Mediation might be ordered meanwhile to "narrow the issues".

Sounds like Cafcass said no to shared care because you turned down some time that was offered. Which is petty. And what's all this about proving you can cope! I sometimes think it's going back 20 years to when Dads had to prove themselves to see their kids at all.

So your child sleeps in your room overnight. SO WHAT! My son had a bed in my room till he was 5. Because that was the only accommodation I could afford and there was only one bedroom. I changed things so he had his own room after that. Should have done it earlier really.

It's par for the course - Cafcass believing what the Mother says as if she's psychic. And its patronising.

For the final hearing you can set out a progressing order leading to 50/50 shared care. And the Judge will decide on that. You'll have a stronger argument by then having had the time in the interim.

Nursery should have nothing to do with it. Imagine your ex's reaction if you asked the court to get nursery to report on whether the child was ok after a night with her! Children vary a lot - they have good days and bad days. They don't like being dropped off and left sometimes.