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Any Dads Resident Parent? Need advice

R

rugbycourt

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Hi
So currently my child is with me in the family home.
Mum applied for a c100 2 days before me so I am respondant although our applications are now being delt with along side each other 'crossed'
She's got the legal aid and has an apprentice solicitor who cant read a court draft correctly by the look of things so far, I've got a private solicitor.
We had an emergency hearing on her c100 which was a return to her with claims of domestic abuse (dv was actually toward me and my daughter, which police are currently investigating) this was denied and she was given supervised contact in a centre at a 50/50 split cost. She's said she can't afford it? So not sure what will happen there ..

I asked her to remove herself off the school pick up list as school were still saying they can hand child over if she collected .. 4 weeks of emails between school and her solicitor nothing was done so I decided to file a c2 PSO for her to not be allowed to collect from school, her family members removed and school to be able to see the order. She also filed a c2 on the same day .. again just before me asking for child to be returned to school as per the order (I wasn't ordered to return her and the judge actually accepted it was through safeguarding I had removed her)
On the day me and solicitor are going through the pso and why etc .. she goes to talk to Mums barrister, comes back and says that barrister is embarrassed as Mums changed her mind, doesn't want child returning to that school she wants her returning to her so she can put her in a local school, apparently advised against it but adamant.
Got into court her barrister was basically called out for wasting court time as none of the matters she had bought to the room were in the c2 and she was concerned Mum wanted a return with no safeguarding checks on her.
I was granted the PSO.

Got the Cafcass phone call this week (unsure of where to take this or what to say as I do whole hearted believe my ex is a risk, I don't know how to put that across without sounding like I am bad mouthing. I would rather supervised contact continued)

I find myself in an odd position as I've found it hard to find Resident Dad's so I am trying to swap the genders but just wanted to hear from the other side or any advice on The above.
A few people I've spoken to in the legal side have said courts don't often remove child from resident parent or change the status quo.

I have a stable job, support network for me and the child, she is used to her routine, has her family and friends here, school, activities, own room, big garden etc.
Her Mum currently lives on her Mums sofa child would be sleeping in the dining room with her, Child has nothing to do with her side of the family (they are not interested) she's currently on benefits, the siblings that live there have people coming and going at all hours and that's just surface issues not so much the issues.

Opinions appreciated!
 
Hi. You did well to get the PSO and must have had some evidence or back up from somewhere (social services?) regarding safeguarding risks for the child, for the Judge to find in your favour both times. That is the key. Because yes Cafcass will always assume the Mother should be the resident parent, regardless of where she lives or the amount of room there - unless it's not safe and is proven to be not safe somehow.

It does sound unusual so I'm guessing social services were involved and advised there were issues with Mum, is that right? So you've got it covered that ex can't just turn up at school and take child and there is an interim order for supervised time for ex. If she can't afford the contact centre, would you be willing to pay for it in the short term? That might show you're not trying to take child away from ex completely.

Did your ex leave the family home and you stay in it? Ok so you now have Cafcass call coming up. Cafcass are notoriously biased towards Mothers being the main parent, believing whatever the Mother says, and assuming you're a controlling abuser, if the ex says you are. However, you already have a couple of orders and that sets a precedent and you can say the Judge found there were safeguarding issues with Mum which is why daughter is living with you and ex is having supervised time. Cafcass would have to accept that. The other thing Cafcass would accept is any report from social services. So if you have something like that, then tell Cafcass.

What did ex ask for in her C100 and what did you ask for in yours?
 
So she left family home, child was with my parents as it was half term. She forced entry to my parents house then 2 days later criminal damage as she kicked in the front door. She's a flight risk. Police are involved on my side. Social services cleared me 3 times twice the ex reported me, then the school as child was crying .. school is on Mums side as child cried every day when she dropped off and no reports were made. However I have texts of mum to prove she had meltdowns.

I can prove she's not safe but I don't want to prove it in case it looks like I am throwing mud but all the issues are genuine safeguarding issues. Plus child will have a better quality of life here, if she goes to Mum she will be removed from her entire life and everyone she knows. Mum can't look after the basics never mind the majors.

I am paying half towards the contact centre but I can't afford the full money as it's 230 a session I agreed to every weekend but it's been knocked down to 2 weekly.

She's asked for everything and so have I in the c100, however her statements clash and contradict each other. Mine has crime numbers and evidence.
 
When you say everything, do you mean you have both asked for sole residency and no contact with the other parent? I would have thought your application would at least ask for sole residency and spend time with Mother, supervised initially.
 
So I've asked for live with me, prohibited steps on school and removing from the country, name stays the same etc, have said I'll be happy for her to have supervised until she's proven to whoever that she is safe mentally and physically. I've also done a none mol.
She's gone for sole custody cut me out of child's life!
 
That shows she doesn't support the child having a relationship with both parents so she's not likely to get that.
 
I've just had the draft from last week's she's now requested a hair test for alchol and said I am not allowed to cut my hair until I have one. Last entry is the judge is concerned at the amount of accusations this early on in proceedings!
 
I would start doing the hair strand asap so it doesn't delay matters. It's not cheap. Otherwise they will just order it at the next hearing and it will be a delay until you have results.

The danger with allegations on both sides is Cafcass saying it's "conflict between parents". Cafcass tend to think if there is conflict then the child should live with the Mother and minimal time with the Father. So you'll need all the back up you can get from police and social services. Have social services recommended child stays with you?

On the other hand if social services have been involved, Cafcass usually say they won't be involved and Social services can do the Section 7 report etc.
 
The hair stand is to be requested at the first hearing at the end of April so the draft said.
I hear what your saying there however my solicitor has said she doubts that as the child would be moving 25 miles away and no status quo would remain also the safeguarding issues on her side.
On the phone call I intend to say I have concerns but at the moment I don't as it's only supervised on her side and I can prove what's in my c100 however I don't want to throw mud at the end of the day all I care about is my child being okay.
Social services have NFA any reports on me and cleared her to be with me with no issues. The police are currently doing the investigation.
I think the concerns were on her as she bought a list of things which the judge threw out as we were only there to talk about the school issue, which is what my solicitor stuck with.
 
I think Cafcass would take seriously if there was evidence of harm to the child but they can be pretty bad about taking abuse of a man seriously. I take it there's evidence your ex was abusive to the child.
 
I've got hoards of text messages, photos, witness statements etc and the police as they currently have the details.
I've also spoken to health professionals and can get statements from them re not turning upto medical appointments not seeking advice when ill when she's been in her care to the point she's got to have 9 teeth removed, if I was at work and wasn't driving them to appointments she wouldn't take her (yet I drink from sun up to sun down apparently!)
 
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