Guest viewing is limited

Alternate day with child


New member
Hi All

Could do with some advice. I am currently on a schedule with my ex where I get my daughter every 10 days a month. Every Wednesday, and a day every weekend.

However, due to work, I will be out of town on Wednesday next month.

I alerted my ex in good time to arrange an alternate day as per our court agreement.

However, she is outright refusing. Saying she will not accommodate any change. This is the first time I have asked, and I am worried if this will be a constant issue.

Other than court, do I have any other recourse?



Staff member
Super Moderator
Hmm. If it says in the court order that an alternate day can be arranged, what exactly is the wording. Does it say "if possible"? It's unreasonable of her not to exchange days. The fact you have contacted her to ask for this, explaining why (must be in writing - eg text or email) covers you so it's not a breach if you miss that day. Ex's have a habit of accusing you of breaching when it isn't! Presumably the exchange of days works both ways - eg if she asks for an exchange you are expected to as well if possible? In which case you can also say no in future now as she is not being reasonable.

I would try writing once more, very politely - keep all communications low key and respectful. It's surprising how a text can be misinterpreted as hostile or blunt. I'm sure you have anyway.

I think maybe send a text or email saying

"Dear Ex Name

Our daughter's best interests and her relationships are my priority. It is very unfortunate that I am away with work on Wednesday xth date and I am unable to change this commitment. Our court order allows for an exchange of time in these circumstances, under clause 1x because it is in our daughter's best interests to have this regular and significant time with both her parents. I apologise for the inconvenience and can be very flexbile over an alternative date. Perhaps you could let me know which of the following dates would be most convenient to you:

Thursday xth, Sunday xth, .............

I look forward to hearing from you and I am sure we can resolve this amicably and explain the situation to "daughter name" so she understands.

Regards, you"

Give a list of dates you could do an extra night for the next 3 weeks! She then has no real excuse to refuse. Even if it's not another night the same week.


Staff member
Super Moderator
If she still refuses then send a brief follow up email

"Dear Ex Name

I respectfully ask that you comply with your obligations under the terms of the Child Arrangements order dated xxxxxx. If an alternative date is not arranged, I will have no alternative but to seek to have the order varied formally".

But - only do that if you're prepared to go back to court to vary the order (maybe for more time as well? Do you get half the school holidays? Would you prefer a whole week-end every other week-end and a video call in between as well as every Wednesday? If the order wording over exchange of days is too vague then it won't be enforceable, but you can apply to vary.

What exactly is the order wording at that clause?

You can't really just let it go or it sets a precedent if this happens again.