Access to daughter stopped/allegations made

[Chi22]

I think I need to add a bit more context here, to put your mind at ease.

My ex made repeated calls to social services over a what 6 month (?) period. She then alleged I assaulted the kids at handover and whilst social services were involved they claimed one child stated I hit them on the arms and legs whilst swearing at them. Clearly I'm not an Equal Opportunies dad cos the other one never made any claim and didn't support the claim of the first!

Social Sevices (SS) in your case don't appear to have gone much further than having the necessary first look at this claim. No one has ever heard of a bruise made during tickling, it would have happened under supervision and the child would have been in discomfort whilst there and subsequently which would have been bored by school staff present. It's drivel. SS, have not referred the matter to their Safeguarding Team, there has been no recommendation of a Team Around the Family, Child Action Plan or Child in Need Plan. Those are all positives. The matter is closed as SS have advised.

In my case, when my ex made her false allegation to the police that I assaulted the children at handover, the first I knew about it, was after the judge sought disclosure from the police. I was not contacted by them, was not interviewed and had it not been for the court's actions would have never known.

Simply.... If you haven't heard from the police up until now, I strongly doubt you will.

The claim made is untrue. Should the police or SS seek to make more of it, I'll advise a way forward.

 

[scooter]

Hello Chi22,

I really appreciate the comments you have made to reassure me. Every parent on here seems to have gone through some traumatic experiences and for absolutely no good reason. Since reading the doctors report and finding out what my daughter went through, and what her Mother let her go through, I have been distraught. My CAFCAS call has been postponed from 2pm today until 4:40pm. I'm nervous enough as it is!

How did your case end up? Didi you get the access you wanted?

 

[Ash]

So you have your Cafcass phone call today? However upsetting this is, try, when talking about things, not to criticize the ex directly. So you might say you are horrified at the idea and you have contacted the GP and sent them a photo of the harness thing she was wearing on x date that fitted round her thighs and back. But try to keep it focused on the good relationship with your daughter, the things you do together regularly, the history of patterns of things you do together etc, and how you only want her to have happy loving relationships with both parents.

If you actually accuse or criticize the ex - they will take that as an allegation. And then they can say - both parents accusing each other, conflict bad for the child blah blah. That's why you keep it focused on the positives, the facts and about the child and relationships and even say something positive about the Mother. You could say you think this is a big misunderstanding but you are distraught that your daughter has been questioned in this way. Let Cafcass decide the ex is making false allegations.

The main reason for not saying that yourself is a) it's an allegation b) they don't believe anything anyone says because it's just words and no evidence. The evidence is saved for later in the process during hearings. The main purpose of the Cafcass interview is that you come across as a good parent, and to them a good parent doesn't criticize the ex (even if she has done really bad stuff).

 

[Chi22]

I did get the contact I wanted but it's stopped again so I'll be applying for the children to come and live with me.

 

[Chi22]

Good luck with the CAFCASS call.

 

[Peanut 21]

Hello Chi22,

I really appreciate the comments you have made to reassure me. Every parent on here seems to have gone through some traumatic experiences and for absolutely no good reason. Since reading the doctors report and finding out what my daughter went through, and what her Mother let her go through, I have been distraught. My CAFCAS call has been postponed from 2pm today until 4:40pm. I'm nervous enough as it is!

How did your case end up? Didi you get the access you wanted?

Good luck with the call. Deep breaths before you answer. Stick to your truth.

 

[scooter]

Well, I’ve had my phone call. It lasted just over 70mins! Very nice lady who asked me a lot questions and told me something that I wasn’t aware of. My daughters Mum and Aunty contacted SS to say they had concerns about me being around children. Obviously nothing came of that and I wasn’t even aware until today. If they had concerns that were serious then why they wouldn’t say something to my solicitor, the school or the police I just don’t understand. It’s absolutely scandalous! Interestingly the CAFCAS lady also told me that she had tried contacting my daughters Mum today, but she never got a reply so she will try again tomorrow

 

[Chi22]

Well, I’ve had my phone call. It lasted just over 70mins! Very nice lady who asked me a lot questions and told me something that I wasn’t aware of. My daughters Mum and Aunty contacted SS to say they had concerns about me being around children. Obviously nothing came of that and I wasn’t even aware until today. If they had concerns that were serious then why they wouldn’t say something to my solicitor, the school or the police I just don’t understand. It’s absolutely scandalous! Interestingly the CAFCAS lady also told me that she had tried contacting my daughters Mum today, but she never got a reply so she will try again tomorrow

Glad the call worked out for you.

Nothing here surprises me. Your ex made allegations and is now disengaging from them. A tale as old as time! What does surprise me is that you should have been informed by SS that these (newly heard of) allegations had been made.

Of course she didn't go to the police, school or solicitor, it's a game of playing one against the other. To her it doesn't matter who the claim is made to as long as you don't see the children. She didn't think it through long enough to think that taking it up with one of the above might boost her and her mother's claims. I'm afraid some exes are - thankfully - a bit clueless in that regard. Mine alleged I hurt mine at handover, reported it to the police, but not the school and allowed contact to continue for several months!

These allegations have gone nowhere but just for information, there's a long list of stuff that needs to happens before a judge 'buys' an allegation as real. If there was physical harm, did mother take a picture? Was it reported to the GP? Any marks apparent? Was there a change in behaviour noted at school? Who did the child tell about the allegation initially? Were notes made? Was an ABC (Achieving Best Evidence) interview conducted by a suitably qualified professional?

The allegations made have not passed even the first hurdle - sounding vaguely believable to SS. In due course, this will work against her. She is preventing time spent with your daughter and doing so through the harmful meams of trying to involve professionals in the child's life unnecessarily.

At some point you will need to state very clearly that your ex's actions are not in the best interest of your daughter and are evidence of parental alienation.

 

[Ash]

Good to hear the call went ok. No doubt your ex will accuse you of all sorts when Cafcass speak to her and then you'll get the letter. The letters are never nice reading, but just keep in mind that most of it is Cafcass reporting what each parent said (not necessarily agreeing with it). The end part is usually the important - what they recommend next.

 

[scooter]

Guys, I really appreciate you taking time to respond me. This forum has been an absolute life saver it really has!

What will happen if my daughters Mum doesn’t respond to CAFCAS?

 

[Chi22]

Guys, I really appreciate you taking time to respond me. This forum has been an absolute life saver it really has!

What will happen if my daughters Mum doesn’t respond to CAFCASS

 

[Chi22]

Welcome.

I've never heard of anyone not responding to CAFCASS so someone will advise I'm sure.

 

[Ash]

If it's a Dad that misses the Cafcass call, Cafcass have been known to write the report just based on what the Mother says. I doubt they would do that the other way round though, they will probably keep trying the Mother.

 

[Resolute]

Well, I’ve had my phone call. It lasted just over 70mins! Very nice lady who asked me a lot questions and told me something that I wasn’t aware of. My daughters Mum and Aunty contacted SS to say they had concerns about me being around children. Obviously nothing came of that and I wasn’t even aware until today. If they had concerns that were serious then why they wouldn’t say something to my solicitor, the school or the police I just don’t understand. It’s absolutely scandalous! Interestingly the CAFCAS lady also told me that she had tried contacting my daughters Mum today, but she never got a reply so she will try again tomorrow

If the person making allegations is aware that they will never amount to anything, and is not really in fear of the kid(s)being in your care, it can make perfect sense to mention then disengage.

They know any serious attention will mean the allegation is put aside. They know they will be able to do a Subject Access Request to Social Services which will have a few sentences somewhere that make you look bad. They know they will be able to get a series of sessions with a DV "professional". They know that professional will write a letter "confirming" their "victimhood" to anybody who cares to read. They know that mud sticks and the court will be wary about giving any more than the minimum to a dad who can be represented as nothing but a risk/problem.

Not all people who make nonsense allegations and leave them hanging have the wherewithal to capitalise on the advantage that can come from them, but some do. Doing so can maximise a weak position by making you climb uphill to get to the starting line.

 

[Resolute]

Continuation:

Sorry, I got a call while I was writing message above.

I was going to say it can make sense to have some documents ready for if/when the allegations are referred back to, e.g. police disclosure, letter or SAR from SS, correspondence with ex attempting to resolve any issues and offering to work together on any issues she has raised...

Having allegations in the mix can be a very good diversionary tactic as things progress, in my experience, they are put there for a reason.

 

[scooter]

Hi Resolute, Thanks for replying. I believe that the CAFACSS officer is going to try and find out today what the concerns were that were raised by my Daughters Mum and my daughters Aunty (Mums sister). The CAFCASS officer said they are gong to call me back. The original allegation was made in Nov 22, and I wasn't aware until yesterday. The part I find absolutely scandalous is if their was real concern, why wouldn't you tell the school and go to the police and follow it up!? I am absolutely baffled at what my ex is trying to achieve here. I know that the School weren't made aware of anything as I was still being allowed access to see my daughter in school up until Feb 2023

 

[Resolute]

Hi Scooter,

It is totally baffling, I have experienced allegation after allegation alongside total resistance to any assessment or support for the child who is supposedly at risk. On a balanced view this demonstrates insincerity, but it can look different presented by a barrister on behalf of a victim of abuse. The only way it can make sense to me is that the allegations are useful to have in the background to dig up any time things look like they might progress in your favour. They also give a chance at Legal Aid. If ex likes the status quo, anything to muddy the water!

 

[Chi22]

The magic words have been written and they are Legal Aid. That is the first and most significant advantage of making claims. Other than that though, whilst mothers might think they have some advantage, that advantage lasts as long as it takes for the claims to be thrown out in Fact Finding or indeed in the court's consideration of Practice Direction 12J.

Mothers may think that having some negative view of you in SS files is a benefit but in these longer court cases I think the opposite is true. It demonstrates a focus on their own wishes and not on the welfare of the children. And that's the view that the court will take in the long term.

 

[scooter]

Evening all, I am still waiting for the letter from CAFCAS! The court are meeting on Monday, and I expected to have the letter by now? Is this normal?

 

[Ash]

I would phone the court tomorrow and ask them if they've received it. If they have it's been done, if they haven't then try and chase Cafcass and remind them the hearing is on Monday. There are occasions when they only send it to the court and not to parents.