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Advice What can I do???

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Sure - and I know it's hard to handle all the emotions as well. I was just trying to keep you feeling positive :) And yes sometimes we just need to let out the worries.
 
DB I meant one on one with someone at theraplay, maybe they'll spend a bit more time with you and your daughter at the next session.
 
Ash said:
Sure - and I know it's hard to handle all the emotions as well. I was just trying to keep you feeling positive :) And yes sometimes we just need to let out the worries.
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I am positive Ash might not seam it sometimes but I am.

I just overthink sometimes and let things get the best of me but that won’t ever deter me from my goals and getting my daughter the help she needs and for us to get the relationship back that we deserve and had 😀.

I’m focused on the 20th Feb hearing just continuing to be there for my little one even if at present she doesn’t want me around.
 
winger said:
DB I meant one on one with someone at theraplay, maybe they'll spend a bit more time with you and your daughter at the next session.
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Hey Winger.

Yeah they won’t offer that I’ve already been told. It’s a group thing nothing more.

It’s not what I thought it was it’s pretty much a course to help parents handle there kids emotions etc but with the situation I’m in it’s not suitable as little one obviously is being coached before she gets there which makes it impossible to engage with her.
 
DB2021 said:
Hey Winger.

Yeah they won’t offer that I’ve already been told. It’s a group thing nothing more.

It’s not what I thought it was it’s pretty much a course to help parents handle there kids emotions etc but with the situation I’m in it’s not suitable as little one obviously is being coached before she gets there which makes it impossible to engage with her.
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I see yea, ok.
Is it a few people running it?
Could you ask if at all possible if at the next session could someone spend a bit more time with you and your daughter, to try and get her a bit more relaxed?

Does she have a favourite thing she likes to watch? I know screen time isn't the best thing to bond, but if you were to watch something together it could help maybe? Distract her, enable you to get closer and eventually it might change her thought pattern. Hope that makes sense! Might not be able to do that at the theraplay I don't know, just thinking out the box.
 
winger said:
I see yea, ok.
Is it a few people running it?
Could you ask if at all possible if at the next session could someone spend a bit more time with you and your daughter, to try and get her a bit more relaxed?

Does she have a favourite thing she likes to watch? I know screen time isn't the best thing to bond, but if you were to watch something together it could help maybe? Distract her, enable you to get closer and eventually it might change her thought pattern. Hope that makes sense! Might not be able to do that at the theraplay I don't know, just thinking out the box.
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There’s 2 lady’s that do it. And they do the games first and then get the rest of us to try with our little ones.

I did ask at first session about one on one but they were like it’s not what they offer as they can’t take time away from the other parents which I understand of course. That’s why it’s tough because it’s nothing like I expected it to be all about parents who can’t handle there kids but they have no idea the reasons behind it. The others there had a great relationship with there little ones it was just me who was ignored the whole time she wouldn’t even sit near me.

Yeah that won’t work at Theraplay but tbh things are that bad at the minute it doesn’t matter what I say or suggest or do she refuses to acknowledge or engage with me at all.

Latest statements from ex’s partner when he brough her to see me last week were and the only thing he said as soon as he brought her was “you know what to do if you want to leave” then went and sat in the car. Obviously this is not encouragement in the slightest and starts my time with her off so negatively but again I have to sit there and take it.

It’s all wrong but at the minute I have no option but to stay quiet and just continue to come which of course I’m going to just I have my hands tied behind my back really as there’s no support from anywhere and no one willing to listen or even consider that this is manipulation etc from ex and family
 
So just seen my little girl.

And again the usual hatred towards me “I’m ugly” “she hates me” “I’m not her dad anymore”

She threw a sauce bottle and a pepper pot at me this time.

It’s heartbreaking to see so much anger and hatred towards me these alienators don’t half know how to turn a loving little girl into a hate filled little girl it’s disgraceful.

The 20th can’t come fast enough it really can’t as there’s so much damage that needs to be fixed.

I swear I can’t wait until Karma hits that poisonous little parasite of an ex.
 
Ash said:
Did anyone witness her throwing those things at you?
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Yeah probably a couple of people who were in the pub but I didn’t speak to them or anything. They were looking as xxxxx was quiet rude to me most of the time but I just take it and just say “you don’t need to speak to me that way “ and that I love her.

Her anger towards me is something else poor thing.
 
So the arranged time was in a pub? Not at theraplay. The main issue here is her seeing you when she's with her other family. Ex and her family shouldn't be around when she sees you or despite what ex is doing, your daughter may well feel it's an intrusion onto her other family time. These kids have to adapt between different homes - not have them lumped together.
 
Ash said:
So the arranged time was in a pub? Not at theraplay. The main issue here is her seeing you when she's with her other family. Ex and her family shouldn't be around when she sees you or despite what ex is doing, your daughter may well feel it's an intrusion onto her other family time. These kids have to adapt between different homes - not have them lumped together.
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Yeah at the minute I see her on a Thursday at Theraplay and then because of the weather at the pub near ex’s house.

Her family isn’t there when I see her ex brings er or ex’s partner and they wait in car outside so it’s just me and little one.

But even with it just being us her behaviour is exactly the same towards me no matter what I do.

We can’t meet anywhere else whilst weather is as it is as been told not do meet at each others houses and there isn’t anywhere open like a soft play on a Sunday by the time I’ve finished work.
 
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winger said:
I just found this, interesting read, it touches on PA.

Impact of Parental Hostility Tool - The Voice of the Child - Family Law Research" https://www.voiceofthechild.org.uk/kb/impact-parental-hostility-tool/

Their 'tool' is just a list of bullet points, but I imagine if someone went through this and looked at how your daughter was it would ring some alarm bells for them.
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Hi Winger.

Thanx so much for this 😀.

Anything I can get to try and show what is happening is great. I never seam to be good at finding resources 😂.

Having an observation done next week with sw at a soft play but I suspect if little one is as hostile as she is at the minute all I’ll get is it’s my parenting and I can’t handle her emotions blah blah blah
 
Jump in the ball pit with her and be silly, pretend to fall over, try and make her laugh. Even if it doesn't work it will be seen as you're trying, and not that it's your parenting, but rather what she's been subject to, to make her like that.
 
winger said:
Jump in the ball pit with her and be silly, pretend to fall over, try and make her laugh. Even if it doesn't work it will be seen as you're trying, and not that it's your parenting, but rather what she's been subject to, to make her like that.
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Yeah I thought of that myself, I always get involved at soft play so I will try all those things.

Just don’t know if ex will be there sw conveniently ignore me asking how it would go.
 
When I'm at a soft play I'm usually the loudest parent in there, just because we're having fun and laughing together. I don't just watch my daughter I'm fully involved and having just as much fun as her, I turn into a big kid 😂 it means everything to see her smile and laugh.

And even if you're daughter isn't like that at the moment, but you're still trying, it will be seen as positive that you are trying. It will come, these types of small steps will help, and gradually things will change mate.
 
I’m the same winger I love all that just not sure my little one will want to play with me but I’ll still try as I always do.

Had Theraplay again tonight.

And again it wasn’t great she hit me on more than one occasion and was so happy in doing so 😢 and again refused to engage.

There was a tiny moment on one of the little games where she did do it with me but even then she can’t even bare to look at me anymore.

Hit me hard tonight it really has I spoke with the ladies that do it and they did mention things but I also explained my views and side of things etc whether that was a good idea or not I don’t know but all of this has made me so paranoid and it really does feel like I’m being set up to fail and it’s destroying me inside.

I used to be such a happy go lucky positive guy and now I just feel like an utter failure and no matter how much I speak up im just ignored.

Who knows what will happen at court next month but I do know that I’m up against it in a huge way and I’m petrified of the outcome.
 
Really sorry to hear what a shite time you are having @DB2021. I've been following this thread and am constantly impressed by your resilience and determination. I'm sure everyone on the forum who has seen this thread will be thinking the same. Utter failures would have given up long time ago, or not even tried in the first place. Whatever the outcome, and I truly hope you get some justice, you can hold your head up and look yourself in the mirror in the full knowledge you did absolutely everything you could have done for your little girl. You should be rightly proud of yourself, you're are an inspiration to us all. Tomorrow is a new day, you'll bounce back mate!
 
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